August 2

Post 907, Day 214 of 2013
- and 945 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I am struggling with my emotions.

After Wednesday's torturous gig, the band didn't have any appearances set until after Labor Day.

Today they decided to play a gig without me. 

The gig is an unpaid opener originally turned down by the band because I couldn't be there. On that day, I have a daytime event, a reunion of old friends from my days at CCNY in New York City, and there is no way I can make the four-and-a-half hour drive back in time to make the gig, even if I didn't have other things planned for the evening and next day.

When the idea was floated to do the gig without me (unplugged), I had a choice: Make the gig or go along with my original plan. Or tell them my feelings would be hurt if they did the gig without me, and they wouldn't play the gig.

I told them go ahead without me.


I'm torn between two things I want to do, both desirable, neither necessary.

I feel somewhat abandoned, somewhat betrayed by the band. We have always turned down do-able gigs when any other member has been unable to attend, (this is the first gig I've been unable to make).  On the other hand, it is something they will enjoy doing, and I wouldn't stand in the way of that. I would have enjoyed doing it as well.

On the other hand, I'm not happy thinking I'm a dispensable member of the band.

And now I feel shitty about the whole thing. I'm stuck everywhere but in the present, and I'm having difficulty finding my way home. This kind of emotional response can't be spun as positive, but there's a lesson in it.

Now I'm just going to have to do the work to figure out what that lesson is.  

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 Food and Diet Section

2013 Daily Weight

Today's Weight:         210.4 lbs

Yesterday's Weight:     210.4 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:      - 0.0 lbs

Diet Comment

No loss. No soft-serve, either.

Food Log 

Breakfast
Cocoa-kale-hemp-chia protein shake: Almond milk, kale, a large egg, cocoa, hemp seeds, chia gel, whey powder (32g protein), cinnamon, vanilla, psyllium and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch
Wild-caught salmon, egg and red kidney bean salad on Spring Mix with kale and balsamic vinaigrette.

Snack
A protein bar.

Dinner
Roasted turkey breast sandwich with guacamole on coconut Paleo bread, with red cabbage slaw.

Snack
A protein bar.

Liquid Intake   

   Coffee:  24 oz.   Water: 102+ oz. 

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!