#1571, Wednesday, December 30: Grateful for live music

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Post 1571, Day 364 of 2015
- 1,825 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Last night.

I went to four open mics last night (I played at three of them), and one tonight.

Open mics are so much fun for me. They are also my way of giving back, because I don't discriminate about who I play with. I take on all comers, for better or worse, and hope it ends up being musical. It usually does.

I like it when someone does a different take on a song I know, especially when it is personalized with a new rhythm. Anything can be rearranged as reggae. In fact, all the time I spent in Jamaica, the soundtrack largely consisted of reggae versions of popular soul, R&B and pop hits. It's something I do myself (reggae versions of Cinnamon Girl, Knockin' On Heaven's Door, We Gotta Get Out of This Place, Wicked Game).

I also have three easy-to-teach jam songs I can pull out of my back pocket. I used all three last night, when I visited, for the first time, an open mic hosted by some young and inexperienced players. They weren't sure they could jam - were actually nervous when I asked them to play with me. But by the time we were finished, they were all smiles. Despite having good sessions at other open mics with excellent and seasoned musicians, that was the highlight of my evening.

For the first time in a while, I have no gig, no plans for New Year's Eve this year. But if I do go out, I'll be going out to support live music. These days, that's my favorite entertainment.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   204.4 lbs.

Previous Weight (12/29):          204.0 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                   +  0.4 lbs.

Diet Comment

Another inexplicable-to-me weight gain when I thought I'd have a loss. Shaking my head (SMH).

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch
Green protein shake with almond-coconut milk, kefir, extra-large organic egg, chia gel, kale, celery, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, and stevia-inulin blend.

Snack
Sriracha chicken breast.

Dinner
Dal Tadka (lentil curry) on cauliflower, and a Quest bar.

Snack
Celery with home-made mayonnaise, and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 1  Coffee:  20 oz.;  Water: 78+ oz;  and a shot of Jameson's Irish whiskey

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#1570, Tuesday, December 29: Emotional help means empathy and support

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Post 1570, Day 363 of 2015
- 1,824 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I'm having a difficult time finding a topic today.

Yesterday, I mentioned that I have a lot of friends going through hard times, mostly of the medically-caused variety. I include the ones with emotional problems in this category.

Today, a few of my friends' problems, of the emotional variety, are weighing heavily on me. I can so identify, having very much been, in most of these cases, where they are. I have done a limited amount of reaching out to them. Limited because I know how unasked for help, even sympathy, can have the opposite effect when received by someone whose inner dialog is negative.

Communication is difficult even when both parties are trying to communicate. Our inner dialogs can alter the very words we hear before analyzing, and when someone is upset and/or depressed, negative self-talk drowns out all outside voices.

I struggle with my inability to help. The best I can do is empathize, tell them they are not alone.

But I'm, again, counting my blessings, not taking my good health for granted. In fact, the opposite. I'm so grateful to have, somehow, been spared from a debilitating illness. Given my lifestyle, it almost seems unfair - until I remember that 'fair' is a useless concept.

I have had my fair share of emotional problems, and still do. But fewer now, and all manageable.

It doesn't help anybody knowing that I defeated my demons (I didn't say extinguished; I made them manageable). How I did it is not relevant. I am just extraordinarily lucky.

What I can do is let these people know the two things I know: They aren't alone, and they have my support.

It's not only the least I can do, it's the best I can do, without a specific request.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   204.0 lbs.

Previous Weight (12/28):          203.6 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                   +  0.4 lbs.

Diet Comment

Well, that smarts just a bit: I thought I would lose weight with what I weighed yesterday, but no...

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch
At Core Greens and Grains:

Beef broth bowl with kale, spinach, broccoli, black beans, mushrooms, red and green peppers, chicken and bacon.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Dinner
Cheeseburger on Ezekiel 4:9 Flax bread with guacamole and cole slaw.

Snack
Celery with home-made mayonnaise, and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 2  Coffee:  24 oz.;  Water: 92+ oz. Plus a shot of Jameson's Irish whiskey

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#1569, Monday, December 28: Wealth in health

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Post 1569, Day 362 of 2015
- 1,823 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Many of my friends are having health problems. So many! Too many! Some are serious, some less so.

The quantity is what has me shaking my head. And, these are (mostly) people younger than I am, in most cases, decades younger.

My health is, on the whole, excellent. Which isn't to say I have no issues, but aside from watching what I eat to control my diabetes, none affect my day-to-day activities, and there are no restrictions.

Of course, my day-to-day activities aren't particularly strenuous, but going out playing four-to-six times per week can be physically demanding.

But I'm, again, counting my blessings, not taking my robust health for granted. In fact, the opposite. I'm so grateful to have, somehow, been spared from a debilitating illness. Given my lifestyle, it almost seems unfair - until I remember that 'fair' is a useless concept.

I have had some serious medical problems, but I have recovered from every one, except hypothyroid and diabetes. I have been taking thyroid hormone for more than twenty-five years - it is the only medication I take now. As I said, I control my diabetes with diet, and I don't even have to be that strict with that (although I mostly am, since I enjoy the way I've been eating for the five-plus years since the diagnosis).

They say your health equals wealth, and that makes me quite wealthy.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   203.6 lbs.

Previous Weight (12/24):          205.6 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                   -  2.0 lbs.

Diet Comment

Despite all the Christmas carbs, and there were many, despite the wine and liquor, there was lots, I slept very well over the holidays and lost weight. Shaking my head...

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch
Skipped.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Dinner
Ground beef, dal tadka and broccoli, with celery and home-made mayonnaise.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 1  Coffee:  24 oz.;  Water: 84+ oz.

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#1568, Thursday, December 24: Christmas vacation

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Post 1568, Day 358 of 2015
- 1,819 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

After a three-and-a-half hour workday, I'm on vacation.

I will drive to Brattleboro, Vermont, then Woodstock, NY. I will be visiting friends. I'll be making music. I'll be eating party food.

I won't be blogging.

See you Monday, December 28.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   205.6 lbs.

Previous Weight (12/23):          205.2 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                   +  0.4 lbs.

Diet Comment

This is, I believe, normal, day-to-day variation. This gain cannot be accounted for by what I ate yesterday.

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar, and, unfortunately, a pretty big piece of chocolate coconut cake (at least I didn't eat the candy cane).

Lunch
Sriracha chicken breast and a Quest bar.

Dinner

Pizza with broccoli and sausage.

Snack
Christmas cookies.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 1;  Coffee:  32 oz.;  Water: 64+ oz.  A glass of Malbec

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#1567, Wednesday, December 23: Gratitude equals happiness

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Post 1567, Day 357 of 2015
- 1,818 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

This is why it's fun to be me (at least for me it is): I wake up grateful to wake up, and am pretty accepting of whatever comes after that.

I know that I can and do get temporarily hung up on this or that thing that doesn't feel good or 'right'. But I'm also pretty quick to let go. I accept my imperfections as being part of my perfection. Perfection that is built-in, and effortless to maintain, once you decide it actually, really, is what it is.

I wake up today with a successful gig behind me, and another one tonight. I face the day with a sense of curiosity at what is coming my way - a kind of generalized positive anticipation.

I didn't have time to see my portfolio results yesterday, but this morning I find that they are good, and I am back in that place where my investments are far outpacing where they would have been had I put them in a savings account.

This doesn't, of itself, make me happy, but it fits with my general thesis that everything is going to be all right.

And, no, I have no evidence that is true. None at all. It is just a feeling that starts when I wake up. Happy to have another day.

Happy that last night's very late dinner, an off-plan indulgent celebration that included eating a gift-box-ful of home-made chocolate truffles, somehow still brought me a little weight loss.

Happy with some reasons to be happy, but also happy for no reason at all - just because that's my choice.

It begins with waking up grateful.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   205.2 lbs.

Previous Weight (12/22):          206.2 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                   -  1.0 lbs.

Diet Comment

Hah! Hash-brown potatoes, rye toast, and a box of chocolate truffles at 1am and I lose a pound. The world is a mysterious and wonderful place.

Food Log

Breakfast
Skipped.

Lunch
At Core:

Chicken Cobb salad (shredded kale and romaine, grilled chicken, avocado, bacon, hard-cooked egg and blue cheese dressing with a little sriracha). Not shown: A cup of beef-pork bone broth and a Quest bar.

Dinner

Skipped.

Snack
Roast beef with Philippe's famous hot mustard.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 2;  Coffee:  0 oz.;  Water: 68+ oz.

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#1566: Tuesday, December 22: Beautiful complications

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Post 1566, Day 356 of 2015
- 1,817 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I have never had much to do with the business of music. The music business has a well-earned reputation for corruption, and for having a negative effect on artist(ic) development.

I have been able to stay clean of the fray, for the most part. But recently, not so much.

There is a small subset of musicians who enjoy the business side of music-making. That's a mystery to me, I don't understand the rewards (it isn't financial. Most of these people may hope that it will be, but, like most musicians hoping for wealth, the chances are similarly slim). I think it is actually a lot like celebrity-worship that leads them to it - the opportunity to meet the commercially successful music stars is where that comes from. I don't know a single person who is into the music-business that doesn't seek celebrities (and celebrity).

Which isn't me.

When the open mic ended last Tuesday, it seemed to be because of antagonism between the producer (who put it together, who loved the house band, and whose intentions seemed honorable) and the restaurant's management (who embraced the open mic (their first), loved the house band, and whose support of live music was essential).

Apparently, they disliked the producer, for his aggressive manner (he is big and intimidating, but, to me, more persistent than aggressive); for the way he ran the open mic (there were complaints), and for what they deemed a conflict of interest (his taking a percentage when they booked one of the acts appearing at the open mic).

The producer had warned us that beginning in the new year, management had wanted a 1099 from him; which he had accepted, conditionally, on an increase in weekly pay (to cover the taxes), and that they had not responded to his offer. But when they cut the gig, he did say that it was "basically because they hate me." Yes, those are his words.).

The producer had wanted to move the open mic to another location, but hadn't had any success with that.

Before last night, a couple of things came to light: One was that the restaurant's management had made overtures to hiring the house band to run the open mic (without the producer). The other was that the tax move had been deliberately put out to get rid of the producer.

Now I was involved in the business end of things. Going against the producer presented a certain ethical problem (he had put the whole thing together himself, beginning to end, including hiring me; but he was, apparently, solely responsible for the losing the gig). If the band were to say yes to the restaurant, it would have to be a unanimous decision, and I would have to assume some responsibility for running the open mic (no problem), and for the business part (negotiating with management, possibly collecting and distributing pay, possibly working with the tax implications if they did insist on a 1099 situation. Ugh!

Then, last night, I got a call from the producer asking if I were available to restart the open mic (with no lost time) at another venue.

I was. This was the easiest solution for me - no ethical problems, no business to be dealt with. The only thing was, I'd already made plans to rehearse with Fool.

Well, gigs always take precedence over rehearsals, but I know everybody was disappointed by this development; and I know some people deal with disappointment badly. So I could not feel great about any of it.

The business part of music complicates what is simply beautiful.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   206.2 lbs.

Previous Weight (12/21):          205.2 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                   +  1.0 lbs.

Diet Comment

This is the approximately ten ounces of almond butter I ate before, during and after dinner showing up. Damn, too much of a good thing.

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch

Skipped.

Snack
Two Quest bars.

Dinner

After the open mic, went to the B'ville Diner and had an omelet with broccoli, sausage, bacon and provolone cheese. And hash browns and rye toast.

Snack
Chocolate truffles (homemade, a Christmas gift).

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 1;  Coffee:  40 oz.;  Water: 88+ oz.

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#1565, Monday, December 21: Ego extinguishing Ego?

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Post 1565, Day 355 of 2015
- 1,816 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Here's the thing about knowing that space and time are an illusion, generated by our imagination to organize our existence with other consciousnesses: It doesn't help.

When you exist in a world in which you act according to your perceptions, with other people, embracing humanity means you buy in to the common human illusion of cause-and-effect, which is to say, linear time. If you adopt a super-human perspective, one which admits understands that all is basically unity, you disconnect from that illusion.

And from the possibility of communicating with other people. Because, if it's all Unity, communication is not only inefficient and error-prone, it is unnecessary.

You end up with the certain knowledge that nothing is important. Or meaningful.

All communication requires thought, and the very act of thinking creates the duality.

Frequently, for short lengths of time, I give thinking a rest. When I meditate. When I get immersed in playing music.

There is no communication involved - or at least, no dialog (meaning two-way (dualistic) communication) - at these times. If you believe in 'vibes'/vibrations, I am transmitting, not receiving, during these out-of-space-and-time moments. As soon as I start thinking about what I'm doing (what I've done, at that point), I'm back in the dualistic world, with all its attendant nonsense.

The need to communicate (I believe it is a need) comes from the Ego, the part that separates, individuates, a person from the Unity. I believe that that is our purpose, that it has been selected that we experience this state (ego) and that there's a reason why the human experience is one of imagining the illusion as a 'real' world to play in.

So, I believe there is a 'safe' Universe, the one in which we've chosen to experience pain and pleasure, and all the other transitory events we perceive in the limited lifespan of the material, sensational world. The one that exists outside of our normal, limited understanding. That is the place I live: Accepting a great, all-encompassing existence outside of what I perceive, outside of my illusions, that in its nothing-matters existence is actually, by definition, not creating suffering.

That's our job.

We can also choose (there's the ego again) to go beyond ourselves and seek a life in this world that is beyond the ego-trap. Fine, but that's the end of communication with other people.

I think only a strong ego would lead to such a choice.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   205.2 lbs.

Previous Weight (12/18):          204.8 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                   +  0.4 lbs.

Diet Comment

My weekend ended, literally, with a huge meal of not-good-for-me food, courtesy of a steak chain I will not be returning to. The occasion was a Christmas get-together with some friends, I was the fifth-wheel invite, had no input into the venue. I tried to make do, but there was nothing good. And I was hungry. Bad combination. After dinner, I went home and passed out. I would have seen a nice loss for the weekend, otherwise.

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch

Salmon salad (Wild Alaska pink salmon, celery, mayonnaise) on baby kale, baby spinach, chard and cole slaw mix.

Snack
Celery and almond butter.

Dinner

Sriracha chicken breast and a Quest bar with almond butter.

Snack
Celery and almond butter.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 1;  Coffee:  24 oz.;  Water: 80+ oz.

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#1564, Friday, December 18: The wait and see future.

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Post 1564, Day 352 of 2015
- 1,813 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I am excitedly looking forward to a more relaxed Winter than in the past. Mostly this is due to having only two booked gigs in the next 6 weeks (only one if Bradshaw finds a new bass player). And because, after that, my days are free.

I am doing/have done a few things with that information. First, I have gotten an electric guitar and amp (previously reported here), and I am planning on spending more time on that guitar than on bass, concentrating on building my repertoire for solo performing (an open mic thing, not a new career move. Although...) and for improving as a guitarist.

That's for starters. Once I get to the days-free part, I'll also start working on the upright bass.

In short, I plan on spending the part of my Winter that takes place in Syracuse playing music and learning songs. And I plan to spend any time not in Syracuse visiting friends and family.

I'll fill in any cracks and breaks with "I don't know", I guess.

Or maybe not. These "plans" are just guesses I'm making now about how I'll feel later, and nobody, including me, knows for sure what later will bring. Or how I'll react to it.

The 'plans' are just steps in the direction I want to go. They are attempts to influence a future nobody knows. When it comes down to how the future unfolds, like everybody else, I'll just have to wait and see.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   204.8 lbs.

Previous Weight (12/17):          205.4 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                   -  0.6 lbs.

Diet Comment

Well, that's a little better.

Food Log

Breakfast
Skipped.

Lunch
Green protein shake with almond-coconut milk, kefir, extra-large organic egg, chia gel, kale, celery, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, and stevia-inulin blend.

Snack
Gotta love Xmas parties. Utica greens (like collard greens, but with added cheese and bacon instead of ham bone, and with unknown other substances (probably with carbs); veggies and ranch dip; and a mixed salad with creamy Italian dressing (which was too sweet, but I ate it anyway).

Dinner

Roast beef with Philippe's (famous) hot mustard (I'm almost out!!!). A salad with kale, spinach, chard, arugula, cole slaw mix, sriracha chicken breast and balsamic vinaigrette. And a Quest bar.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 1;  Coffee:  28 oz.;  Water: 98+ oz.

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#1563, Thursday, December 17: All righty then!

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Post 1563, Day 351 of 2015
- 1,812 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I have nothing for today, other than, to quote Curtis Mayfield, "It's all right."

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   205.4 lbs.

Previous Weight (12/16):          205.0 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                   +  0.4 lbs.

Diet Comment

I won't be eating at a restaurant for a few days now, and the weight should come down, accordingly.

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch
Green protein shake with almond-coconut milk, kefir, extra-large organic egg, chia gel, kale, celery, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, and stevia-inulin blend.

Snack
Assorted fruit, veggies and ranch dip, and part-skim Ricotta cheese. And a Quest bar. (Actually, several snacks between lunch and dinner).

Dinner

Omelet with peppers, onion, greens, cheese and bacon. Not shown: A Quest bar.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 2;  Coffee:  24 oz.;  Water: 104+ oz.

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