#2679, Wednesday, June 30, '21: A not-too-bad day

Post 2679

- 11 years and 181 days since I started this blog -

Night Drop, June 6, 2021

Daily Comment

It was a pretty good day.

My orthopedist consultation was satisfying - the question of hip arthritis has been definitively answered: It's there and it's new, and nothing's going to be done about it until it becomes a bigger problem (which it hasn't been for a few weeks).

I made some progress in getting help for my sister-in-law. 

I had a pretty good rehearsal with I am Fool. 

And, I wasn't too sad, again.

So a good day.

I'm grateful for the days when... No, I'm grateful for every day.

Food and Diet 

Today's Weight:                    198.6 lbs.

Previous Weight (6/29/21):         198.0 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     + 0.6 lbs.

Diet Comment

No gain, no loss, this is pretty much no change and that is acceptable at this weight.

Food Log

Breakfast
Skipped.

Lunch
4:25pm: Roasted Brussels sprouts with cheese, mushrooms, onions and scrambled eggs. 

Dinner
11:40m: Chopped chef's salad (roasted turkey breast, parmesan cheese, walnuts, arugula, beets, cabbage, chard, kale, spinach, yogurt blue cheese dressing) and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 2;   Coffee: 0 oz.;  Water: 72+ oz.; 

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#2678, Tuesday, June 29, '21: No comment

Post 2678

- 11 years and 180 days since I started this blog -

Night Drop, June 6, 2021

Daily Comment

I've got nothing to say, but it's okay.

Food and Diet 

Today's Weight:                    198.0 lbs.

Previous Weight (6/28/21):         198.0 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     - 0.0 lbs.

Diet Comment

No gain, no loss, this is pretty much no change and that is acceptable at this weight.

Food Log

Breakfast
2:45pm: Ultimate overnight oatmeal: oats, oat milk, kefir, Greek yogurt, whey protein, cinnamon, walnuts.

Lunch
Skipped. 

Dinner
8:45pm: Chopped chef's salad (roasted turkey breast, parmesan cheese, walnuts, arugula, beets, cabbage, chard, kale, spinach, balsamic vinaigrette) and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 0;   Coffee: 24 oz.;  Water: 72+ oz.; 

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#2677, Monday, June 28, '21: Update

Post 2677

- 11 years and 179 days since I started this blog -

Night Drop, June 6, 2021

Daily Comment

It was a sad (nothing but pot and TV) weekend for me, but I can honestly say that I've turned a corner today.

Feeling better, I went and checked out a gym I'm thinking of joining, and then had dinner with friend and benefactor, Saint Al, who allowed me to vent about the various things.

My ear is healing nicely - I'm not bandaging it, because that makes it really conspicuous. Without the bandage, it is less conspicuous, but pretty nasty-looking. So be it. 

I got a call to play some gigs with a blues band I've played with a few years back, including a few at the NY State Fair, which is going on for 2-1/2 weeks at the end of August. That is lifting my spirits.

I found a friend in Brooklyn who might know of some resources to help my widowed sister-in-law, who I have been worried about. That also helped.

And I have a lot to look forward to: Near-term, I'm going to visit my sister this weekend, for her birthday. When I get back, my open mic scene is getting back to full swing, and along with rehearsals I should be back to my "usual" playing schedule!

I'm grateful for still being able to show up.

Food and Diet 

Today's Weight:                    198.0 lbs.

Previous Weight (6/25/21):         199.9 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     - 1.9 lbs.

Diet Comment

Nice weekend loss. Chalk it up to the sadness I wrote about Friday. I'm feeling less sad today.

Food Log

Breakfast
2:45pm: Kale and spinach frittata (eggs, kale, spinach, onions, mushrooms, parmesan cheese). Avocado toast.

Lunch
6:00pm, at CoreLife Eatery: Sriracha Ginger Tofu & Quinoa salad (Roasted tofu, shredded kale, carrots, shredded beets, spicy broccoli, ginger, sriracha, carrot chili vinaigrette). 

Dinner
8:10pm: Peanut butter and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 22 oz.;  Water: 60+ oz.; 

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#2676, Friday, June 25, '21: Grief

Post 2676

- 11 years and 176 days since I started this blog -

Night Drop, June 6, 2021

Daily Comment

It's weird that a happy person can be sad.

I have been sad since my visit to NYC when Andy died. It isn't at all unusual to be sad when you lose a brother, of course. The weird part is that I'm still happy. At the same time. It's just that the sad part is getting all the play.

I have been paralyzed with the sadness. I haven't done a whole lot more than prepare my food, eat it, watch tv and sleep since I got back to Syracuse. 

I've invested in new kitchen appliances - a replacement toaster oven that is an air fryer, too, and a full-size, full-power microwave, and a set of new microwave cookware, and a new carbon steel frying pan. 

Retail therapy.

But still sad. 

I've withdrawn from doing anything other than medical stuff (this is my season for that, I guess. Lots of appointments next week, and throughout July). I smoke pot, watch TV and cry a lot.

And still the happiest guy I know, except, not so much right now.

I'm grateful for my life. I'll be more grateful soon, I think.

Food and Diet 

Today's Weight:                    199.9 lbs.

Previous Weight (6/24/21):         199.5 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     + 0.4 lbs.

Diet Comment

More weight gain, once again, likely caused by eating a lot (too much? Maybe).

Food Log

Breakfast
2:45pm: Baked cod with pesto sauce, and Brussels sprouts.

Lunch
6:30pm: Cottage cheese and air-popped popcorn with olive oil and chili-lime seasoning. 

Dinner
8:10pm: Avocado toast, oatmeal with yogurt, walnuts and cheddar cheese,  and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 0;   Coffee: 0 oz.;  Water: 72+ oz.; 

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#2675, Thursday, June 24, '21:

Post 2675

- 11 years and 175 days since I started this blog -

Night Drop, June 6, 2021

Daily Comment

I've got nothing to say, but it's okay.

Food and Diet 

Today's Weight:                    199.5 lbs.

Previous Weight (6/23/21):         199.0 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     + 0.5 lbs.

Diet Comment

A reversal, probably a little water weight due to a bit more salt than usual, but maybe just the sheer amount of food I ate at the end of the day.

Food Log

Breakfast
2:45pm: Kale and spinach frittata.

Lunch
8:00pm Air-popped popcorn with olive oil and everything bagel seasoning. 

Dinner
9:50pm: Roasted Brussels sprouts, cottage cheese, a salad, peanut butter and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 0;   Coffee: 24 oz.;  Water: 72+ oz.; 

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#2674, Wednesday, June 23, '21: No comment

Post 2674

- 11 years and 174 days since I started this blog -

Night Drop, June 6, 2021

Daily Comment

I have nothing to say, but it's okay.

Food and Diet 

Today's Weight:                    199.0 lbs.

Previous Weight (6/22/21):         199.1 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     - 0.1 lbs.

Diet Comment

No gain, no loss, this is pretty much no change and that is acceptable at this weight.

Food Log

Breakfast
2:45pm: Scrambled eggs and golden milk oatmeal with hemp and chia seeds, oat milk, peanut butter, turmeric, cinnamon, cardamom, cloves and kefir.

Lunch
8:05pm: Popcorn with olive oil and chili lime seasoning. 

Dinner
8:10pm: Chopped salad with Spring Mix, baby spinach, rotisserie chicken breast, shaved parmesan cheese. Avocado toast (with Ezekiel 4:9 Flax sprouted grain bread).

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 8 oz.;  Water: 72+ oz.; 

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Thank you!

#2673, Tuesday, June 22, '21: Easy on the ears

Post 2673

- 11 years and 173 days since I started this blog -

Night Drop, June 6, 2021

Daily Comment

I had some skin cancer removed from my left ear in an outpatient surgery today.

The procedure requires only local anesthetics so I was awake the whole time.

It consists of removing a little flesh, then inspecting it to find clean margins, and repeating until the bad cells are gone, and a maximum amount of good cells have been left. 

Which means the surgeon spends a few minutes with me working on the ear, and a longer time checking the margins. When the surgeon is looking at margins, I am alone in the exam room. 

I was told that there are typically four to six 'layers' removed, and that I should be prepared to be there for four hours.

My procedure required only three 'layers' and was over in a little more than two hours. It didn't hurt. The worst part was that the ear is cauterized as the last step, and it didn't hurt but there was that burnt-hair/skin smell. Then I got a bandage that covered 95% of my ear (the actual wound is only on about 20%).

I never experienced any pain, even when the local anesthetic wore off. I drove myself to and from the office. I have an appointment for a checkup in a month, and bandage supplies to cover the wound for about two or three weeks.

'm grateful for the doctor and nurse who were so kind and skillful.

Food and Diet 

Today's Weight:                    199.1 lbs.

Previous Weight (6/21/21):         202.1 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     - 3.0 lbs.

Diet Comment

After a low-calorie, lots-of-movement day, a snap back to the 'new normal' of my weight. I'm not surprised, because the run-up was due to an unusually heavy dose of sugar in my diet while I was taking care of my brother's affairs in NYC.

Food Log

Breakfast
1:25pm: Ultimate overnight oatmeal with blackberries, blueberries, raspberries, walnuts, hemp and chia seeds, Greek yogurt, whey protein and kefir.

Lunch
10:30pm: Air-popped popcorn with olive oil and chili lime seasoning, Peruvian 68% dark chocolate and a Quest bar. 

Dinner
11:55pm: Mung bean and edamame fettuccini with broccolii, lentil curry sauce.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 0;   Coffee: 12 oz.;  Water: 72+ oz.; 

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Thank you!

#2672, Monday, June 21, '21: What went - and is going - on

Post 2672

- 11 years and 172 days since I started this blog -

Night Drop, June 6, 2021

Daily Comment

After my brother died last Tuesday, I was in sad shock - but drove down to Brooklyn Wednesday, and took care of the arrangements.

Although a very professional and warm funeral director made that easy, it was still uncomfortable, sad, and expensive. Dying in America isn't cheap or easy.

I stayed for three more days and drove back. All my memories are of traffic. I spent a lot of time in traffic. 

I will remember my brother warmly. He brought something unique to my life, and our time together in the last fifteen years or so became a bit ritualized around the things we shared with each other, and nobody else. 

There is no replacing him in my life.

But right now, as I write this, I'm angry with him. For someone who was on the edge of death for twenty years, since his silent heart attack was discovered, he left a mess for his wife after he was gone.

Everything in his name. He did all the finances. He kept his stuff on the computer, but didn't always update his list of passwords, or ever record, or make shortcuts to, the web sites he used to manage the family economy.

His wife did not, does not, even know how to turn on the computer. She never operated a computer. She never had a smart phone, either. And their insular lifestyle now means she is completely alone. No friends or family within two-hundred and fifty miles of her.

So I'm worried about that.

I had to come back up for an appointment today to remove a little growth on my right leg that turned into a pre-surgical conference on the patch of skin cancer found on my left ear. That will be removed in a three-to-four hour procedure tomorrow.

I'm grateful for the care I'm getting, and for being able to help my sister-in-law.

Food and Diet 

Today's Weight:                    202.1 lbs.

Previous Weight (6/15/21):         197.7 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     + 4.4 lbs.

Diet Comment

In the week since my last weigh-in, I've been spending a lot of time in my car. There is nowhere outside of Brooklyn you can get to my late brother and sister-in-law's apartment in less than an hour, and I've going to Brooklyn every day. I have spent a minimum of four hours in traffic, and most days, more. And, when someone dies, there becomes an abundance of sweets on offer, and I've said yes every time. Plus, two whole travel days, and all I can say is, it is astonishing I didn't gain more, although four-and-a-half pounds is too much, and I've got to lose, now.

Food Log

Breakfast
3:05pm: Brussels sprouts with scrambled eggs, mushrooms, onions and peppers and shaved parmesan cheese.

Lunch
Skipped. 

Dinner
11:55pm: Air-popped popcorn with olive oil and 'everything but the bagel' seasoning, and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 0;   Coffee: 24 oz.;  Water: 84+ oz.; 

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Thank you!

#2671, Tuesday, June 15, '21: RIP Brother Andy

Post 2671

- 11 years and 166 days since I started this blog -

Night Drop, June 6, 2021

Daily Comment

RIP Andrew Robert Kellerman, January 4, 1952-June 15, 2021.

My brother has died. I will not be posting for a few days.

I'm grateful my brother was in my life for as long as he was, and glad for my recent visit with him.

Food and Diet 

Today's Weight:                    197.7 lbs.

Previous Weight (6/14/21):         198.0 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     - 0.3 lbs.

Diet Comment

I'm glad I'm maintaining my weight below 200 pounds this week. I'd like to stay there, and, barring unplanned travel, I think I might be able to do that until I take off for the winter (and stop weighing myself for three months).

Food Log

Breakfast
3:35pm: 

Lox, eggs, mushrooms, onions, peppers, kale and spinach over riced cauliflower.

Lunch
Skipped. 

Dinner
11:10pm: Cod with pesto sauce, a salad (arugula, cabbage, chard, kale, spinach, shaved parmesan, walnuts, cherry tomatoes, yogurt-bleu cheese dressing, and Peruvian 68% dark chocolate. Quite a bit of it.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 24 oz.;  Water: 60+ oz.; 

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Thank you!

#2670, Monday, June 14, '21: A good walk

Post 2670

- 11 years and 165 days since I started this blog -

Night Drop, June 6, 2021

Daily Comment

Saturday ended with a soothing hot tub session at a friend's. As it does, it also eased my various pains and, of course, eased my mind.

Despite that, when I got home I wasn't sleepy, and binged the new season of 'Lupin' on TV.

So, Sunday didn't start off so well - I didn't get enough sleep - or rather I got my usual amount from before I started tracking and improving it, post-heart surgery.

But it was a pretty day, and I decided it was time for a walk, which I had been avoiding due to hip pain for more than a month. 

Lo and behold, my first pain-free walk in years. I walked for over half an hour, and neither my calf, my knees nor my hip protested. At all. 

That is something that hasn't happened since before my trip to Lisbon at the end of 2018. I was jubilant.

Later, I went to an open mic. I walked through the door and was immediately put on stage - I didn't even put my bass down or order a drink. And then, I just 'killed it' for the next four sets. That's a lot of playing time at an open mic where I wasn't house bass.

So, the weekend ended exceptionally well.

I'm grateful for that.

Food and Diet 

Today's Weight:                    198.0 lbs.

Previous Weight (6/11/21):         199.0 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     - 1.0 lbs.

Diet Comment

After a bang-up end to my weekend, I celebrate this nice loss. I feel optimistic, and I slept great - as well as I have in years - last night.

Food Log

Breakfast
2:45pm: Ultimate oatmeal with blackberries, blueberries, raspberries, walnuts, hemp and chia seeds, whey protein, Greek yogurt and kefir.

Lunch
Skipped. 

Snack
10:45pm: Celery and peanut butter and air-popped popcorn with olive oil and chili lime seasoning.

Dinner
12:25pm: Chopped chef's salad with chicken breast, shaved parmesan, walnuts, arugula, avocado, cabbage, chard, cherry tomatoes, kale, spinach and balsamic vinaigrette. Dessert was a piece of Peruvian 68% dark chocolate (which, today, I got another kilo of).

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 0;   Coffee: 24 oz.;  Water: 60+ oz.; 

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Thank you!

#2669, Friday, June 11, '21: Issues

Post 2669

- 11 years and 162 days since I started this blog -

Night Drop, June 6, 2021

Daily Comment

If I'm being honest (I am), I have to admit I'm in a bit of a funk as of late. I don't want to overstate it - I am not worried, I don't think I'm falling back into depression.

I think I'm just struggling to accept some of the things going on around me. Usually I'm adept at letting go and moving on. Not doing that so well at the moment is what I'm talking about.

There are a few things on my mind:

Of course, there are the new wrinkles to my medical situation: A bit of skin cancer on my ear and the ongoing arthritis situation, now including a recent and new flare-up in my right hip. 

And, there's the status of my band I am Fool, and the reopening music scene, that is hampering my ability to let go and move on enjoying things. 

And, again, being honest, there's the cruel girlfriend rejection I suffered in April, and the lingering attempts - now ended - to remedy that situation, which only added to my bad feelings.

I don't want to overstate: At the moment, I am in arguably better shape, physically and emotionally, than before my heart surgery, which is the earliest event among the setbacks I am dealing with.

The medical stuff is being dealt with, but in the meantime, I have reduced my physical activity. And that's not good. Feeling a bit recovered from my recent hip pain, I am going to start walking again.

And I am Fool will sort itself out, one way or another: We'll either resume being a performing band or we won't. 

The girlfriend thing is more complicated. I don't deal with rejection very well, and the way that all went down has me questioning some things about the way I'm going forward. 

I ended up hearing a lot of criticism and negativity about myself and my lifestyle. I've been thinking about that, and have decided to make some changes, realizing that nothing I'm changing isn't something I've wanted to change for a while.

My relatively recent decision not to emigrate has changed the priority of these changes. 

It comes down to being a 71-year old man still struggling with his mommy issues, I think.

I just realized I've given the most discussion to the girlfriend-related stuff. I'll be thinking about that...

Anyway, it's all something that may dissipate completely with a nice hot tub soak, and I'm scheduled for that tomorrow.

I'm grateful for the family, friends, and inner resources I have that will help me move forward.

Food and Diet 

Today's Weight:                    199.0 lbs.

Previous Weight (6/10/21):         198.1 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     + 0.9 lbs.

Diet Comment

I'm finishing the week with a pound loss, even though I'm up almost that much for the day. Better to take the long view, and note that I'm very happy with the weight I'm at.

Food Log

Breakfast
1:30pm: Ultimate Overnight Oatmeal with blackberries, blueberries, raspberries, walnuts, hemp and chia seeds, whey protein, mushroom powder, Greek yogurt and kefir.

Lunch
Skipped. 

Dinner
9:50pm:

Cod with pesto sauce, green beans and cherry tomatoes. Not shown: A Quest bar.

Snack
11:55pm: Swiss cheese and walnuts.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 22 oz.;  Water: 84+ oz.; 

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Thank you!

#2668, Thursday, June 10, '21: No comment

Post 2668

- 11 years and 161 days since I started this blog -

Night Drop, June 6, 2021

Daily Comment

I've got nothing to say, but it's okay.

Food and Diet 

Today's Weight:                    198.1 lbs.

Previous Weight (6/9/21):          199.2 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     - 1.1 lbs.

Diet Comment

Nice loss. Still eating well. Feeling well. All's well.

Food Log

Breakfast
4:05pm: GOLEM (Greens [kale and spinach], Onions, Lox, Eggs, Mushrooms) and buttered toast (Ezekiel 4:9 Flax sprouted grain bread).

Lunch
7:45pm: Air-popped popcorn, with olive oil and chili-lime seasoning. 

Dinner
10:45pm: Walnuts and Swiss cheese, a Quest bar, and a small piece of Peruvian 68% dark chocolate.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 22 oz.;  Water: 72+ oz.; 

 Please leave a comment when you visit my blog.
Thank you!