#1513, Friday, September 18: See you in October

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Post 1513, Day 261 of 2015
- 1,722 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Today's will be my last update for about two weeks.

First thing next week I'm flying out to LA.

This will be the last time I visit LA before my retirement. I don't know when I will get back out... I'm thinking it might be April of next year, but whenever it is, I'm intending to drive out.

Like all plans, subject to God's hilarious response.

Okay, I'm just kidding. There is no anthropomorphic Deity.

I am hoping, while there, to visit friends, see some music, maybe get to play. Of course, the main reason is to spend time with Alex.

However, this time around, with his current job, I will have more time to myself on this longer-than usual vacation. There are some things I want to do with him, some things I want to do that don't (necessarily) include him (although, anything I do he's welcome to join in with).

Over the years, the visits have gotten better and better.

I'm almost liking LA now. See you with the results of the trip when I post my October 5 update (on October 6).

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   204.6 lbs

Previous Weight (9/17):           206.4 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 1.8 lbs

Diet Comment

I had back pain yesterday, and skipped out of work after the lunch I wrote about. I didn't do much the rest of the day, and didn't eat particularly well at night, consuming too much almond butter. But I did get some extra sleeping in.

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch
Skipped.

Snack 
A Quest bar.

Dinner 
At Blarney Stone Inn: Happy hour plus birthday party meant eating a lot of crap, including pizza, some kind of club sandwich, and a bacon cheeseburger with chips and a piece of birthday cake.

Snack 
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 1;  Coffee: 24 oz.;  Water: 88+ oz.

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#1512, Thursday, September 17: A rare conversation

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Post 1512, Day 260 of 2015
- 1,721 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I made a new friend today. I'd backed a duo he was in at a jam; they liked my playing, and he wanted to explore the possibility of playing more with me.

We had lunch at Core. He hadn't been there before, and he loved it.

He's a little older than me, and, while not from the area, he has been here most of his adult life. We share a love of music, which of course is how we met.

His musical ambitions are modest. He appreciated my frankness about not joining his group, but being available to play with him on a one-off basis, availability permitting. We talked about our past, music, how we got from 'then' to 'now'.

I'm only bringing this up because this sort of thing, a one-on-one conversation with someone I didn't know, hasn't happened in the six years I've lived here in Syracuse. Now I've made a new friend.

I typically engage new friends in between playing - a few minutes here, a few minutes there, rarely one-on-one. Those type of substantive conversations have been rare and limited to people with whom I have already established friendships.

So, nice change-up, and, as always, going with the flow, being flexible and open, wins the day.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   206.4 lbs

Previous Weight (9/16):           206.0 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 0.4 lbs

Diet Comment

I blame my weight gain on my high-carb dinner. That's the problem once your body adjusts to lower carbs, even high-quality carbohydrates like those found in beans and quinoa can screw with your metabolism.

Food Log

Breakfast
Skipped.

Lunch
At Core:

Steak, bacon and bleu cheese salad: Chopped romaine + mesclun mix, grilled steak, bacon, cranberries, walnuts, tomatoes, gorgonzola, and bleu cheese dressing with a touch of sriracha.

Snack 
A Quest bar.

Dinner 
Roast beef with guacamole and cole slaw.

Snack 
A Quest bar and almond butter.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 0;  Coffee: 0 oz.;  Water: 48+ oz.

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#1511, Wednesday, September 16: A funny thing about gratitude

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Post 1511, Day 259 of 2015
- 1,720 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I write often, or mention often, being grateful.

Gratitude has become an important, central, essential, habitual, defining idea to me.

I am grateful for so much, not the least (in fact, maybe the most) because I am alive to express it, and grateful for being live. As my friend Darren said to me yesterday, "Any day you're vertical you should be grateful."

Amen.

Being grateful straightens out my mind. It is impossible to be angry and grateful at the same time. It is all I need to remember - to be grateful - when I'm otherwise in a bad mood.

I believe that being grateful feeds my overall optimism - and vice versa. Same for my consistent happiness and good spirits. I'm grateful for both, and that makes me happier and puts me in a better mood.

Being grateful is a decision I make, as is being happy. Neither comes from external circumstances. Both, though, affect external circumstances.

Funny how that works.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   206.0 lbs

Previous Weight (9/15):           207.0 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 1.0 lbs

Diet Comment

Got away with it: Even a little ice cream can't slow me down.

Food Log

Breakfast
Protein shake with almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, extra-large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, celery and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch

Salmon salad (Wild Alaska pink salmon, celery, mayonnaise) on baby kale, baby spinach, chard and cole slaw mix.

Dinner 
Quinoa, lentils, onions, peppers and ground beef. I took a picture but it looked awful, which it was definitely not, so I didn't use it. Also, a Quest bar.

Snack 
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 2;  Coffee: 20 oz.;  Water: 64+ oz. A shot of Jameson's, neat, in a rocks glass.

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#1510, Tuesday, September 15: Letting go of my self

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Post 1510, Day 258 of 2015
- 1,719 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Things are good for me now, but I wouldn't have any of this if I hadn't learned to let go of my ideas of who I am.

That's the teaching of Lao-Tzu: "When I let go of who I am, I become what I might be."

That doesn't mean it's easy, or that I applied this lesson - it was "forced" on me by circumstance.

Defining yourself is limiting. That's pretty obvious, but only in hindsight.

I went from someone I thought I was to someone who didn't know who he was. It's cliche, sure, but I lost myself, then, over some time, found myself.

I was fairly wealthy, middle-class, head-of-household, with the proverbial house and white picket fence, a wife, and a classically rebellious teenager. I worried about my investments, my health, my status. I was happy my past was past, and had an optimistic outlook on the future.

All of that vanished over a relatively short period of time. My wife left, and my home and wealth disappeared along with her. My teenager entered his twenties and went out on his own. My past offered no comfort, and at least one of my friends peered into my future and pronounced me as "totally fucked."

Recovering didn't begin by letting go so much as by being forced to accept that my self-definition was no longer correct, and no correct definition had taken its place.

Looking back now, my idea of who I was was significantly flawed, and being stripped of most of my self-identifying characteristics caused me a lot of anguish. It took a while for me to realize what was really going on.

Circumstances demanded I go on with my life without a good idea of who I was, or of what I would become. I went forward only to survive until I found myself.

And something like that is what happened. I took things as they came, hacking away at the remnants of my past life that were pulling me back, without worrying about what I would become. I slowly realized that defining myself was limiting me to doing what I had done, and I realized how that wasn't working for me. Instead, I became nimble at abandoning preconceptions when they didn't jibe with how I perceived the present.

The present delivered. I don't know how much wisdom I gained. I still sometimes try and control things, and have to remind myself to let go and let things unfold. I have to remember to practice patience, not just say I possess it.

True wisdom wouldn't need those reminders. Or maybe, true wisdom is knowing that I do.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   207.0 lbs

Previous Weight (9/14):           209.0 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 2.0 lbs

Diet Comment

One day of getting back to what's good, and the weight comes off.

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch
At Core:

Chicken Cobb salad (shredded kale and romaine, grilled chicken, avocado, bacon, hard-cooked egg, broccoli, mushrooms and bleu cheese dressing).

Snack 
A medium cup of vanilla chocolate soft-serve ice cream.

Dinner 
Cheeseburger, cole slaw, and a Quest bar.

Snack 
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 2;  Coffee: 20 oz.;  Water: 88+ oz.

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#1509, Monday, September 14: Meh weekend? Still good

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Post 1509, Day 257 of 2015
- 1,718 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

It was a so-so weekend. It started well enough, with a fantastic gig that went better than I predicted. Unfortunately, that was the high point of the weekend.

The rest of it (after the after-gig sleeping, that is about forty hours) was spent driving (thirteen-plus hours), hanging out with friends(ten-plus hours), playing (two hours), eating (a couple of hours) and all the remaining time was sleeping.

That means that I spent most of the weekend driving and sleeping.

My reunion was a little disappointing due to bad weather and, maybe as a consequence, low turnout. Although I did get to see some old, good friends, there wasn't enough time. the 'organization' wasn't what it could have been (what it has been in the past). The gloomy weather, threatening a rainstorm the entire time, and eventually shortening the day, didn't help. It was a little sad.

Sunday was an early travel day, and after five hours driving back, I hit the sack and didn't come out of my sleep until it was time to play.

Which turned out to be highly up-and-down, with open mic putting me onstage with players that were particularly good. The thing about that, of course, is it has its own peculiar pleasures, as you get to exercise your ability to find a groove when there otherwise is none, or make an arrangement on the fly. Or cover the inevitable timing and melodic errors.

Plus, hanging with friends and other musicians (all friends, as well - friends-plus?) is a feature, no matter who's playing what or how well.

And, a mediocre night of playing is still more fun than a good night of almost anything else.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   209.0 lbs

Previous Weight (9/11):           205.2 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 4.8 lbs

Diet Comment

Crazy weekend eating, almost no on-plan food, although a lot of it was very good (and some was just place-holding while hungry). It could have been a lot worse (like if I'd taken up an invitation to eat at Aphrodite's Sweets). Oh, well, I will be perfect this week, as I don't expect to dine out anywhere but Core for a couple of lunches.

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch
At CORE:

Spicy Ginger Steak with Quinoa Bone Broth Bowl (hearth bone broth, grilled steak, quinoa, broccoli, carrots, scallions, slivered almonds, ginger, cilantro, sriracha).

Snack 
A Quest bar.

Dinner 
Roast beef and cole slaw, celery with home-made mayonnaise.

Snack 
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 1;  Coffee: 24 oz.;  Water: 68+ oz.

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#1508, Friday, September 11: Retirement, made concrete

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Post 1508, Day 254 of 2015
- 1,715 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I started the retirement process today, twenty weeks ahead of my last day of work (January 29th next year).

To be honest, I thought I'd have a more emotional reaction. Instead, it seemed like just part of the job (after all, nothing has changed, or will, for at least another four weeks, when paperwork starts coming my way.

I have an i am Fool gig tonight, which will be fun, because I really like the venue (same place I had such a good time playing with Bradshaw Blues last Saturday). At the end of the night, I have to completely unload my car, catch what sleep I can, and head down to the City at the crack of whenever I can wake up in the morning... I'm meeting up with a bunch of old friends for a picnic. Then hustle back to Syracuse Sunday.

The happy musician's life. Mine.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   205.2 lbs

Previous Weight (9/10):           205.4 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 0.2 lbs

Diet Comment

That has to be more the result of skipping dinner than my mid-day fail yesterday, right?

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch

Salmon salad (Wild Alaska pink salmon, celery, mayonnaise) on baby kale, baby spinach, chard and cole slaw mix.

Snack 
London broil and cole slaw.

Dinner 
At the Moondog Lounge: Spinach salad with turkey.
 .

Snack 
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 1;  Coffee: 24 oz.;  Water: 84+ oz. A couple of shots of Applejack bourbon.

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#1507, Thursday, September 10: Veteran's Appreciation Day

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Post 1507, Day 253 of 2015
- 1,714 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I like to play benefits. It is consistent with my idea of service and, of course, playing is a joy.

Today I played for Veterans Appreciation Day at a VA Behavioral Health Outpatient Clinic. I have done this the last couple of years.

It was the first moderate temperature day in quite a while (the high-temp wave broke last night), and it didn't rain, despite threatening to do so the entire time. 

Here are some pics:

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   205.4 lbs

Previous Weight (9/9):            206.0 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 0.6 lbs

Diet Comment

After eating a bunch of crap at lunchtime, I had no appetite for the rest of the day. When I got home from work, I took a long nap, then went out and played for a while. After a Jameson's, I came home with a little hunger.

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch
Oh, my! I played with Bradshaw Blues at a Veteran's Appreciation Day celebration from before my lunch hour until after, and thought there'd be a good variety of food. There was not. I ate a hot dog, a couple of hamburgers, some finger sandwiches and a freak-out of cookies, cake and ice cream. This will sit heavily on my scale tomorrow, I can tell.

Dinner 
Skipped.

Snack 
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 2;  Coffee: 32 oz.;  Water: 80+ oz. A shot of Jameson's

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#1506, Wednesday, September 9: Investing for retirement

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Post 1506, Day 252 of 2015
- 1,713 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I have invested in stocks, using various strategies, since the late 1980s. When I started investing in stocks, I was completely ignorant. It was also a time before discount brokerages and a decade before the internet came along.

In the thirty-plus years of my investing career, I have been completely out of the market about half the time.

I have been successful and I have gone bust over the years. I have gotten caught in every major stock market down-turn. One of those downturns contributed to the end of my second marriage, which turns out to have had a financial component I was blind to.

That last downturn pretty much wiped me out. I had been doing some speculative stock market gambling, and when things went South, they went bad really, really fast.

I was unable to overcome the setback of my wife leaving and having to sell our overly-leveraged house, and that led me to Syracuse and what I'm doing now.

At my first Syracuse job, I was able to pay off most of my debts while saving via my 401K. When that job ended, I converted my 401K savings to a self-directed IRA at a brokerage. My goal was to be extremely conservative, and get at least a 2% return, a huge multiple over what a safe savings or money-market account would pay.

At that, I have been crazy successful. Until about four months ago, my account had appreciated at an annual rate of 10%. Then came the latest downturn. I have lost a lot, but my investment has still been compounding by better than three percent.

Better than that, I have accumulated dividend-paying stocks that are paying me better than seven percent a year off my investment. My plan is to stay invested, let the dividends get reinvested for as long as I can, and then, as needed (or when the IRS rules mandate that I have to, whichever comes first), have enough income to pay for groceries for the rest of my life.

Hey, it's a plan, I know what plans are worth, but this does sound hopeful, right?.

I don't know how all this managed to work out for me. Positive thinking? Maybe. Cosmic cyclical behavior, swinging-pendulum style? Also, maybe. Impossible to tell, and I can't think of anything I would rather do less than wonder about it.

I think it is enough to be grateful for it, and I am.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   206.0 lbs

Previous Weight (9/8):            206.4 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 0.4 lbs

Diet Comment

Small steps in the right direction are all that is necessary.

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch
At Core:

Chicken Cobb salad (shredded kale and romaine, grilled chicken, avocado, bacon, hard-cooked egg, broccoli, mushrooms and bleu cheese dressing).

Snack 
A Quest bar.

Dinner 
At Eskapes: 

A "BST Salad" with blackened salmon (BST is blackened bacon, spinach and tomato). Not shown: A big chocolate chip cookies

Snack 
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 2;  Coffee: 32 oz.;  Water: 78+ oz.

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#1505, Tuesday, September 8: Luxurious lack of deadline pressure

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Post 1505, Day 251 of 2015
- 1,712 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I had a very pleasant weekend, mainly because I took it very easy. My playing was limited to Saturday night and Sunday. The rest of the time, I did a few chores, but mostly lolled in bed, luxuriating in a little time without pressure.

Of course, what pressure there is in my life is self-generated these days.

Sure, I have one rare and unusual off-hours work action I need to take care of.

It will be only the third time in four years that has happened. I can deal with it, and not even think about it (that's what alarm clocks are for, and mine is set).

I accept the 'deadlines' of my music moonlighting with joy. I'm glad there's a time when the playing starts, and look forward to it. In the last five years, I have only been late to a gig once, and that was a misunderstanding about the start time, in which I was dead wrong. But I wasn't very late.

My job at the VA doesn't generally include deadlines. After all, there is no product cycle, no profit-dependence. With no remembered exceptions, specific task deadlines are, by private-sector standards, very generous. When missed, people fall all over themselves to help bring the task back into compliance.

That lack of deadline pressure and accompanying stress is one reason I love this job, maybe the biggest. With less than five months to go (five years slid by so quickly!) before hanging up my career as an employee, I can only marvel at the way I am ending on a high note of personal job satisfaction, in a job I might actually keep even after I don't need it.

Not that that is going to happen. No point in making the perfect last job last past its (my) expiration date.

I don't know how all this managed to work out for me. Positive thinking? Maybe. Cosmic cyclical behavior, swinging-pendulum style? Also, maybe. Impossible to tell, and I can't think of anything I would rather do less than wonder about it.

I think it is enough to be grateful for it, and I am.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   206.4 lbs

Previous Weight (9/5):            205.6 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 0.8 lbs

Diet Comment

The long weekend was a diet disaster. The only reason my weight isn't three pounds higher was a careful day Monday.

Food Log

Breakfast
Protein shake with almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, extra-large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, celery and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch

Roasted turkey breast chopped salad: shaved Parmesan cheese, baby kale, baby spinach, chard, cole slaw mix and balsamic vinaigrette.

Snack 
A big piece of birthday cake (I'm so easily tempted at work).

Dinner

Omelet with peppers, onion, greens, cheese and bacon. Not shown: A Quest bar for dessert.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 2;  Coffee: 22 oz.;  Water: 88+ oz.

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