#2250: Tuesday, April 30: Update

Post 2250

- 8 years and 120 days since I started this blog -

  

Comment

No comment, really, but a status update: I'm feeling a lot better, although I have no doubt my decision not to fly to New Orleans today (which I made yesterday), was the right one

I'm grateful! to be able to write that.

Food and Diet 

Today's Weight:                    199.9 lbs.

Previous Weight (4/29/19):         196.6 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     + 3.3 lbs.

Diet Comment

With my appetite back in spades yesterday, I gained back in one day almost all of the weekend weight loss. Now I have to go back to maintaining, and not gaining even more weight back.

Food Log

Breakfast
3:35pm: A Quest bar.

Lunch
8:45pm: Salmon salad: Salmon, bacon, homemade mayonnaise, walnuts, arugula, cabbage, chard, kale, and spinach. A Quest bar.

Dinner
12:15am: Melted ruyère cheese and guacamole on Ezekiel 4:9 Flax sprouted grain toast, carrots with home-made mayonnaise, and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 0 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water:92+ oz.; 

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#2249: Monday, April 29

Post 2249

- 8 years and 119 days since I started this blog -

  

Comment

No comment today. I'm sick.

Food and Diet 

Today's Weight:                    196.6 lbs.

Previous Weight (4/26/19):         200.3 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     - 3.7 lbs.

Diet Comment

This dramatic weight-loss is only due to being sick, therefore, it's only temporary. But still, what a chart! (And still sick). Anyway, I've begun to feel better, and I had a big appetite today.

Food Log

Breakfast
3:55pm:

A LEO (lox, eggs and onions). Not shown: Dry Ezekiel 4:9 Flax sprouted grains toast.

Lunch
8:45pm:

Vegetable Stew (spinach, kale, mixed vegetables, lentils, curry sauce) over riced cauliflower.

Dinner
1:45am: Gruyère cheese with carrots; later, with steamed brussel sprouts. A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 0 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 84+ oz.; 

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#2248: Friday, April 26: Sick gig

Post 2248

- 8 years and 116 days since I started this blog -

  

Comment

Sicker and sicker. I still played the gig at the Dinosaur with Frank Stepanek, guitar god.

It wasn't bad - not as bad as I'd feared. And, my worst moment wasn't actually a bad one for me: Frank stopped a song in the intro to 'correct' me about the key - but he was wrong - I was playing exactly what he wanted.

But the main story is still my illness.

The consensus is that it will last two weeks - everybody seems to know what I have, and seemingly everybody's had it.

Even if it only lasts one week, that means I will miss JazzFest this year. I'll be out the plane ticket, which is non-refundable and not insured.

But the thing is, I will miss a week in New Orleans.

Damn!

So it goes. My love for New Orleans runs deep, but it is relatively new, since the first time I enjoyed myself there was three years ago.

I had been there earlier, but it wasn't really a good time - in fact, I had 'sworn off' going to the city ever again.

I am not going to worry today about being too sick to fly on Tuesday. We'll see. If I am, I am.

I'm happy that I was able to push through my illness and play the gig. It was as much fun as it could be under the circumstances.

And I feel like I did everything I could do to make it work. I think I did okay.

I'm just grateful for the opportunities to make music.

Food and Diet 

Today's Weight:                    200.3 lbs.

Previous Weight (4/25/19):         201.2 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     - 0.9 lbs.

Diet Comment

My illness is getting worse. The good news? Being sick is great for weight-loss.

Food Log

Breakfast
3:05pm: A Quest bar. Tea with honey.

Lunch
6:30pm: Chicken bone broth.

Dinner
1:45am: Chicken bone broth.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 0;   Coffee: 0 oz.;  Tea: 12 oz.;  Water: 78+ oz.; 

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#2247: Thursday, April 25:Sick

Post 2247

- 8 years and 115 days since I started this blog -

  

Comment

I have a cold or an allergy. I feel like shit.

Still grateful!

Food and Diet 

Today's Weight:                    201.2 lbs.

Previous Weight (4/24/19):         201.9 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     - 0.7 lbs.

Diet Comment

Sometime last night/early morning, I began to feel a little scratchy throat. As the day wore on, I began coughing. after a six-hour rehearsal, I have to admit: I'm sick. I feel terrible.

Food Log

Breakfast
4:05pm:

LEO (lox, eggs and onions) on brussel sprouts.

Lunch
Skipped.

Dinner
12:45am: Toasted Ezekiel 4:9 Flax sprouted grain bread with guacamole, and a Quest bar. Tea with honey.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 2;   Coffee: 0 oz.;  Tea: 12 oz.;  Water: 44+ oz.; 

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$2246: Wednesday, April 24

Post 2246

- 8 years and 114 days since I started this blog -

  

Comment

No comment today.

Food and Diet 

Today's Weight:                    201.9 lbs.

Previous Weight (4/23/19):         203.0 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     - 1.1 lbs.

Diet Comment

I must admit, I didn't weigh myself today. I ended up running out of the house relatively early for me, Quest bar and water in hand. So I'm going to assume today's a wash..

Food Log

Breakfast
6:05pm: Purple-green protein smoothie with almonds, kefir, large organic egg, chia gel, kale, spinach, blackberries, raspberries, strawberries, celery, whey powder (24g protein), coconut oil, hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, moringa leaf powder, fo ti (mushroom powder), cinnamon, turmeric, Dr. Gundry's Vital Reds and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch
Skipped.

Dinner
2:15am: Cheddar cheese, salsa, guacamole, and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 0 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 72+ oz.; a 12oz. Stella Artois and a shot of Jameson's Irish whiskey

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#2245: Tuesday, April 23: Flop sweat

Post 2245

- 8 years and 113 days since I started this blog -

  

Comment

Today I rehearsed with Frank, getting ready for Friday's gig at the Dinosaur BBQ.

It was the third rehearsal in a week. Things sounded good, but rehearsals have been very difficult. Frank knows what he wants in the bass line. I am playing to his spec, even to him dictating the actual bass lines note-for-note, and asking for specific attacks in note placement.

You may not know what I mean by that, but suffice it to say, it is a far cry from my usual process of building a bass line. It's much more repetitious, and much less melodic than what I ordinarily do. 

It's fine, he isn't asking for anything I'm can't do. He is asking for me to learn a lot of stuff in a very short time.

Later in the evening, backing him up at the Limp Lizard BBQ open mic we both go to and like, I was unable to identify the first song, and, flustered, I didn't remember the bass line. Frank soldiered on.

After, he said I scared him.

Now I'm scared. I'm afraid that, at this stage, when I cannot identify all the songs by their titles (I don't even know the titles of some of the songs we've rehearsed), and have a lot of specific bass lines to play with little rehearsal and only a recording of eleven of thirty songs to practice to, that I'm going to bomb on the gig Friday.

I admit I am also afraid that Frank has lost confidence in me, and I will lose his respect and the respect of other musicians who come to the gig.

I'm going to leave it at that, and just do what I can. I hope I get a chance to get together with Frank at least twice before the gig, and straighten things out. I am going to put in some time for positive visualization, too.

And be grateful for the experience and opportunity!

Food and Diet 

Today's Weight:                    203.0 lbs.

Previous Weight (4/22/19):         203.0 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     - 0.0 lbs.

Diet Comment

I must admit, I didn't weigh myself today. I ended up running out of the house relatively early for me, Quest bar and water in hand. So I'm going to assume today's a wash..

Food Log

Breakfast
12:40pm: A Quest bar.

Lunch
7:00pm, at Limp Lizard BBQ:

Cowboy salad: Grilled chicken, field greens, black bean salad, onions, tomatoes, cheese, southwest ranch dressing, pita points (half of which were not eaten). 

Dinner
1:30am: Cheddar cheese and steamed brussel sprouts in butter with hemp seeds.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 0 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 72+ oz.; and a 12oz. Stella Artois and a shot of Jameson's Irish whiskey

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#2244: Monday, April 22: Closure

Post 2244

- 8 years and 112 days since I started this blog -

  

Comment

Last Friday, I drove four hours to spend four hours with my good old friend Gary, who is dying. It was a good day, a day I got to make us feel better, and share a little love, kindness and compassion to an awful situation.

On the ride home, I had lots of time to think about stuff. Of course, I thought about mortality, and how I felt good about my views of life and death at the moment. But at one point, my thoughts turned to a subject that was, despite many efforts to let it go and move on, still bugging me. I had been unable to finally come to terms with my feelings regarding being replaced in Modafferi, and the way it was done.

I was never told what was going on (I found out while I was in Thailand, seeing a promo for a gig after I'd be back home, that featured portraits of the band members and didn't include me). 

After I got back home (about six weeks later), it felt like I was being ghosted - the only communication I had was a note telling me my replacement was going to do that night's gig, received only an hour before the start of the gig. It made me feel pretty shitty. Devalued.

I decided then that, even if I felt the problem was unresolved, I could not let it rule me, spoil a single good time, or diminish me.

Next night, I stopped in at a Modafferi gig. The bass player was using my rig - a rig I had left at the band's practice space. A number of people came up to me to tell me they missed my bass playing. I just told them I did, too.

The bass player, someone I had met socially months before I left for my winter trip, was not good. He was not helping the band's sound, and his stage presence was very introverted. His volume was too low, and he looked uncomfortable playing. The way he played the bass made me think he hadn't been playing very long.

I had not (and I knew this) been replaced because my bass playing wasn't good enough.

At the end of the set (which was the end of the gig), one at a time, every member of the band, including the bass player, came up to me, said hello, told me they were glad to see me. Tami, the only band member I'd previously spoken with (because we're both in I am Fool, and rehearse together), sat and talked with me about my day - and bought me a drink.

I began to think there was more to the story than I'd been able to piece together. If I'd been replaced by a not-very-good bass player when there were better bass players readily available (I had spoken to several before I left who were interested in subbing for me), there was something else going on.

I left feeling better even though I still had unanswered questions. I hadn't let my fears (betrayal, abandonment) get me down.

That was Saturday night. Tonight, Monday, I am Fool had a rehearsal, After, I had a short conversation with Tami that answered those questions.

The details don't matter, but what Tami told me changed my perspective and eased my mind on all the Modafferi matters. No, I'm not going to be playing in the band in the foreseeable future, but I have a good understanding of why and my friendships with the band members are intact.

I'm glad I stayed open and I'm grateful to get a positive sense of closure on the whole thing.

What a life! I'm so grateful!

Food and Diet 

Today's Weight:                    203.0 lbs.

Previous Weight (4/18/19):         203.7 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     - 0.7 lbs.

Diet Comment

It's a good weekend when I come out weighing less than I went into it with. I admit to being a little surprised at this result, because this weekend involved a lot of beer, a very recent phenomenon that began in Chiang Mai. I drink beer when there's no Jameson's to be had.

Food Log

Breakfast
4:40pm: A LEO (lox, eggs and onions) with a salad (arugula, cabbage, chard, kale, spinach, walnuts, balsamic vinegar).

Lunch
11:00pm: Walnuts and cheddar cheese, cottage cheese and a Quest bar.

Dinner
1:30am:

Riced cauliflower with sauteed kale and spinach, dal tadka (lentil curry) and bacon.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 0;   Coffee: 24 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 68+ oz.; 

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Thank you!

#2243: Thursday, April 18

Post 2243

- 8 years and 108 days since I started this blog -

  

Comment

No comment today (also, no post tomorrow, it's a travel day).

Food and Diet 

Today's Weight:                    203.7 lbs.

Previous Weight (4/17/19):         202.3 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     + 1.4 lbs.

Diet Comment

The increase was foreseen. No blog tomorrow, it's a travel day (visiting friends).

Food Log

Breakfast
1:40pm: A Quest bar.

Lunch
6:30pm, at the Listening Room: Chicken club wrap (chicken, bacon, lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise and a wheat tortilla).

Dinner
1:30am: Pepperoni and cheese, and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 8 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 64+ oz.; 

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Thank you!

#2242; Wednesday, April 17

Post 2242

- 8 years and 107 days since I started this blog -

  

Comment

No comment today

Food and Diet 

Today's Weight:                    202.3 lbs.

Previous Weight (4/16/19):         205.4 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     - 3.1 lbs.

Diet Comment

Wow! That is a radical one-day change (glad it went in the right direction)! It is too good to be real, and, given Tuesday's eating, completely unexpected. Given today's eating, I expect an upward bounce.

Food Log

Breakfast
5:45pm: LEO (lox, eggs and onions).

Lunch
9:30pm: Pepperoni and a Quest bar.

Dinner
1:30am: Chopped salad: arugula, cabbage, chard, kale, spinach, roasted turkey, pepperoni, shaved parmesan, walnuts and balsamic vinaigrette.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 0 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 64+ oz.; and two shots of Jameson's Irish whiskey.

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#2241: Tuesday, April 16

Post 2241

- 8 years and 106 days since I started this blog -

  

Comment

No comment today

Food and Diet 

Today's Weight:                    205.4 lbs.

Previous Weight (4/15/19):         205.4 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     - 0.0 lbs.

Diet Comment

No change, still, and I went on today to have a big dinner with some very off-plan items. And booze. Oh, this mean old sporting life, sure is killing me.

Food Log

Breakfast
Skipped.

Lunch
Skipped.

Dinner
10:00pm, at Maxwell's: 'Max' burger (1/2 lb hand pressed ground beef caramelized onions, bacon, lettuce, tomato, cheddar, chiptole mayo) with chips and a 'Max' salad (romaine, diced bacon, grape tomatoes, julienne red onions, hard boiled egg, crumbly blue cheese, lemon EVO dressing).

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 0 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 64+ oz.; and a Stella Artoir beer, and a shot of Jameson's Irish whiskey.

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Thank you!