August 13

Post 916, Day 223 of 2013
- and 954 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

There is one memorable (and actually relevant, since it is consistent with the ending) episode of the TV series Lost that focuses on male lead Jack Shepard's tattoo, which he got in Thailand.

The tattoo is revealed to be a glyph meaning, ""He walks amongst us, but he is not one of us".

I've been thinking of this lately. Because, it speaks to a certain alienation I have felt most of my life - the idea that, no matter how 'in' I get with a group, I am not 'of' the group.

I think this began during the Summer of 1958 - I was 8 years old, and had been 'awarded' the right to skip third grade. My parents were proud to have me confirmed as being intelligent enough to do this. Six other students in my second-grade class were similarly honored. Many years later, I found out that ten students had been selected, but the parents of four declined to have their children participate.

Those were the wise parents, the ones who understood the social implications of this educational experiment (the program was terminated the next year).

In order to start my fourth grade class, I had to complete the English and Math curriculum for third grade that summer. During that summer vacation, I spent two hours a day, usually before and after dinner (because I wouldn't do it unless my parents were home to make me) completing the workbooks for those two subjects.

I used to cry with frustration as all my friends were out playing, and I had to do this unpleasant, though not very difficult, work. For me, there was no pride in this honor, only a sense of being separated from my peer group.

A lot of the difficulties I've had with life can be traced back to that imposed separation from my friends; the mistake was compounded by skipping eighth grade, so that when I got to high school, I was two years younger (and at least two years less mature) than my classmates. 

From that point on, I felt a sense of being outside of any and all groups - be they cliques of friends, musical groups, or coworkers. In the group, but not of the group.

It isn't a hostile form of alienation, just a feeling of being different - not necessarily better or worse, just different, slightly apart, without a shared agenda.

This feeling has been consistent for fifty-five years now. Sometimes it isn't much of a factor in my awareness, other times it has been a major consideration for me, an ill-defined feeling that my agenda is different than that of others I am associating with, and has affected my choices.

It isn't a like-or-don't-like thing, either. I haven't had a whole lot of difficulty being accepted by most people or groups, but my 'otherness' has been recognized. In some cases, it has led people to feel uneasy and distrustful (people who have a xenophobic reaction to perceived difference from themselves), but, by and large, I have been accepted by my peers, my quirks tolerated, ignored, or, at times, applauded.

Maybe it's the old Groucho line, "I would not be a member of any club that would have me." Maybe I just enjoy the outsider-inside status.

I think it is this sense of alienation (I am not going to go on giving examples, anyone reading this will recognize what I'm talking about) that makes it easier for me than for others to consider uprooting myself and starting a new life in another country, where I will be, not because of my personality, but rather because of my nationality, among but not of the local populace.

Or, maybe, in the company of other expats who have done the same thing (and ended up in the same place), I will find the exact society of people I can be among, and of.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 Food and Diet Section

2013 Daily Weight

Today's Weight:         213.2 lbs

Yesterday's Weight:     214.8 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:      - 1.6 lbs

Diet Comment

Stopped the gaining. Have to put a few of these together. Had almost the exact same food today as yesterday.

Food Log 

Breakfast
Cocoa-kale-hemp-chia protein shake: Almond-coconut milk, kale, a large egg, cocoa, hemp seeds, chia gel, whey powder (24g protein), cinnamon, vanilla, psyllium and stevia-inulin blend.

Snack
High-fiber protein cookie.

Lunch

Smoked turkey, black beans, Spring Mix, cole slaw blend, kale and balsamic vinaigrette.

Snack
Protein bar.

Dinner

Chili (grass-fed beef, black beans, tomatoes, spices) on cauliflower. Not shown: Red cabbage slaw.

Liquid Intake   

   Coffee:  24 oz.   Water: 96+ oz. 

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!