#1926, Thursday, August 31: Attention deficit

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Post 1926, Day 243 of 2017
- 2,435 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Nothing (and no one) is perfect. I struggle with my imperfections daily. I'm lazy. I'm a procrastinator. I'm a slob.

For the most part, these are long-standing faults hidden from public view. In the past, they have all been easier to control when I've lived with other people.

These days, living alone and spending a lot of time alone, they've become exaggerated. And today, I recognized another personal problem: I am incredibly easily distracted.

Intentions get swallowed up in other things that just 'crop up' as I'm going about them. Part of the problem is how much of what I do happens on the computer or smartphone, where it is very easy to be pulled away from the task at hand. It is so easy to lose focus. Easy to wander off the path.

It's been happening to me a lot, lately. Today, I had errands to run. I just show up, grateful. But some of the things I do - I spend time every day on my trading portfolio on the computer - happen in a distracting environment, where emails, texts, messages, and, yes ads all compete with my intentions for attention.

So I not only was late to everything I had to do today, thanks to so many branches taken along the way, but a few important things didn't get done at all. This will only complicate tomorrow, when still more things are bound to come up.

So it goes. I have to forgive myself, but it seems, with all that is going my way and allowing my happiness, that I could do more.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      202.0 lbs.

Previous Weight (8/30/17):           202.9 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                       - 0.9 lbs.

Diet Comment

Despite the terribly off-plan eating yesterday, and maybe because I stopped eating earlier than usual, I lost weight. Look how I'm hugging the trend line - I love it!

Food Log

Breakfast
6:00pm: Roasted macadamia nuts and a Quest bar.

Lunch
8:25pm: A couple of cookies.

Dinner
Chopped salad (sriracha chicken breast, chard, kale, spinach, red cabbage, carrots, walnuts, shaved parmesan cheese, balsamic vinaigrette), macadamia nuts and walnuts.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 0 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 80+ oz.;  and a shot of Jameson's Irish whiskey

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#1925, Wednesday, August 30: Mundane and grateful for it

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Post 1925, Day 242 of 2017
- 2,434 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Another day, another rehearsal. Another night, another open mic performance.

But at the end of the night, I did get to have a conversation with Alex, after two weeks of phone tag.

The sameness of my day-to-day is actually, for me, a blessing, since I am feeling good about things these days. With all the tragedy in the world, with some friends sick and dying, many friends angry and/or unhappy, I feel my doing good and not doing bad, showing up smiling and being grateful for what I have in this life is about everything I can do. And it's working for me.

The rehearsal was good. The set I played at Shifty's was good. I saw people who made me feel some community. I saw nobody who was having a rough time, and nobody giving me bad vibes.

I just show up, grateful.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      202.9 lbs.

Previous Weight (8/29/17):           202.9 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                       - 0.0 lbs.

Diet Comment

Another day with no gain. That's a good day.

Food Log

Breakfast
5:00pm: A Quest bar.

Lunch
10:45pm, At Shifty's: Quesadilla appetizer and a half-pound bacon cheeseburger with some potato chips.

Dinner
Skipped.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 0 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 64+ oz.;  and a shot of Jameson's Irish whiskey

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#1924, Tuesday, August 29: Foolish gratitude

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Post 1924, Day 241 of 2017
- 2,433 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

It was rehearsal day with i am Fool. These are such special occasions for me.

I don't usually think about why, but it comes down to this: This is my local family, the core unit of my life in Syracuse.

The band is the number one reason why I'm still here, and plan on staying until the music's over for me.

I am beyond grateful for each and every one of the band members for the opportunity to be a part of this group.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      202.9 lbs.

Previous Weight (8/28/17):           203.5 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                       - 0.6 lbs.

Diet Comment

I lost a little. Good thing. Maybe more tomorrow.

Food Log

Breakfast
4:30pm:

Kale, spinach and cheese omelet (with onions and peppers, chia and hemp seeds) and 2 pieces (not 4) of bacon.

Lunch
10:00pm: A sugar cookie.

Dinner
11:45pm: Chopped salad (sriracha chicken breast, Dubliner cheese, chard, kale, red cabbage, spinach, balsamic vinaigrette) and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 22 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 72+ oz.; 

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#1923, Monday, August 28: Weekend update

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Post 1923, Day 240 of 2017
- 2,432 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I had a good weekend, which ended with an interesting gig, good news and a great jam.

The good news I got is: I get to play in New York City with Scuba Gear in early October.

The last time I played in the City was in the late '90s at a private party on New Year's Eve. That was just more than twenty years since the time before that!

It's a weird and exciting gig - an art gallery/hair salon/boutique in the Penn Station neighborhood.

Back to the weekend history, after a Scuba Gear set as part of a four band night (we got twenty bucks, of which I got nothing), I went out to Rooters open mic, and played for about an hour, and it was magical. Just one of those nights where I felt completely free, and stepped out of the 'typical' playing style to add some more jazzy, more funky stuff. Just a lot of fun getting lost in the music. I closed out the night and headed home with a smile.

I am grateful for whatever star alignment brought me to that moment.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      203.5 lbs.

Previous Weight (8/25/17):           203.5 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                       + 0.0 lbs.

Diet Comment

I didn't gain - or lose - any weight over the weekend. I did eat a lot of cookies, over the weekend, but I didn't drink much booze, so there's that. I was also fairly active.

Food Log

Breakfast
6:10pm: Green-blue protein smoothie with coconut-almond milk, kefir, large organic egg, chia gel, kale, spinach, blueberries, whey powder (24g protein), coconut oil, hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, moringa leaf powder, celery, cinnamon, turmeric, vanilla extract and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch
Skipped.

Dinner
11:45pm: Sriracha chicken breast, pork rinds, and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 22 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 72+ oz.; 

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#1922, Friday, August 25: No comment

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Post 1922, Day 237 of 2017
- 2,429 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Nothing today.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      203.5 lbs.

Previous Weight (8/24/17):           202.2 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                       + 1.3 lbs.

Diet Comment

My descent into 'worsedom' continues with a late-night binge leaving me with a gain for the week - small-to-nonexistent losses and one gain. Events planned for the weekend probably mean I'll have even more to lose next week.

Food Log

Breakfast
3:35pm: Curry casserole: London broil, broccoli, kale, spinach, dal makhtani (red bean curry), chia and hemp seeds.

Lunch
8:35pm: A Quest bar.

Dinner
11:45pm: Grass-fed beef burger, chopped salad (chard, kale, spinach, red cabbage, shaved Dubliner cheese, balsamic vinaigrette), and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 0 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 86+ oz.; 

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#1921, Thursday, August 24: Still here

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Post 1921, Day 236 of 2017
- 2,428 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Today I went to my friend Art's funeral. It was, again, more emotional than I expected.

Then I went to rehearse with Scuba Gear.

I find myself with little more to say about the day, or anything else. But on my way to practice, I did stop to admire, and take a picture of, the sunset.

My thinking has been disrupted. My routine has been disrupted. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed, and am accomplishing little, day-to-day, besides feeding my addiction to playing bass.

Checking Facebook between the funeral and the rehearsal, I saw this post: "Positivity? Please?"

I responded: "I just got back from a funeral. We're still here."

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      202.2 lbs.

Previous Weight (8/23/17):           202.2 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                       - 0.0 lbs.

Diet Comment

Yesterday, when I lost a tenth of a pound, I wrote, "Better than no progress at all, I guess." That means that today is worse. Which is (again, I guess) better than gaining weight.

Food Log

Breakfast
3:25pm:

Kale, spinach and cheese omelet (with onions and peppers, chia and hemp seeds) and 2 pieces (not 4) of bacon.

Lunch
10:35pm: A Quest bar.

Dinner
12:45am: Sriracha chicken breast, kimchee, pork rinds, chopped salad (spinach, Spring mix greens, red cabbage, shaved parmesan cheese, balsamic vinaigrette), and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 0 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 80+ oz.; 

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#1920, Wednesday, August 23: I got the blues...

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Post 1920, Day 235 of 2017
- 2,427 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I went to a rehearsal with Modern Mudd, and saw Charlie, lead guitarist for the band, brother of the band's drummer Art, who died unexpectedly last Saturday.

Bittersweet. I was surely glad to see him, but the pain he was going through, the feeling of loss and abandonment were weighing heavily on him. It was emotional, and I left the long rehearsal (prepping a new drummer for a gig on Saturday) drained and tired.

But also with an obligation to get out to Shifty's open mic to play with Scuba Gear.

The regular house band lineup was altered for a sub on guitar and vocals - the stage setup was very crowded, and it didn't favor my band. There were only two mics, we needed three, and the lack of space on stage made it difficult to share a mic with the guitarist (for backup vocals on one song).

Difficulty I'm having learning the two-dozen original songs (Brian writes very complex chord changes and his arrangements also tend to be structurally unusual) took away the usual ease with which I approach sets at open mics.

Then, when we got to the third song, a cover of Aretha's "Baby, I Love You," A well-known guitarist 'sat in' - and not knowing our arrangement, ruined the song (at least as far as I was concerned - it is the only time we've performed the song and not gotten a huge positive audience reaction).

I ended up feeling badly about the whole night - the emotional rehearsal and the open mic performance. And, I needed to take a dump and didn't want to do that in the bar's toilet,, So, I left early.

Too much emotional stress for me. I know I'm the source - wanting to control outcomes, and my attachment (addiction?) to getting into the zone when I play being the source of my dis-ease in this case. Probably nobody but me was dissatisfied with the open mic performance, and I got positive feedback I chose to ignore.

But I'm surrounded by people who want to help me get the results (good music) I'm looking for, and also to help me get comfortable with the songs I'm not yet there with. I couldn't be more grateful for them and that.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      202.2 lbs.

Previous Weight (8/22/17):           202.3 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                       - 0.1 lbs.

Diet Comment

Better than no progress at all, I guess.

Food Log

Breakfast
3:05pm: Green-red protein smoothie with coconut-almond milk, kefir, large organic egg, chia gel, kale, spinach, strawberries, cherries, blueberries, whey powder (24g protein), coconut oil, hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, moringa leaf powder, celery, cinnamon, turmeric, vanilla extract and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch
8:35pm: A slice of Ezekiel 4:9 Flax sprouted grain bread with Dubliner cheese and guacamole.

Dinner
12:45am: Chopped salad (spinach, Spring mix greens, red cabbage, shaved parmesan cheese, Sriracha chicken breast, balsamic vinaigrette).

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 22 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 72+ oz.; and a shot of Jameson's Irish whiskey

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#1919, Tuesday, August 22; Normalcy, and gigs in abnormal amounts

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Post 1919, Day 234 of 2017
- 2,426 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I'm pretty much recovered from the weekend. My weight is going down. My car doesn't need servicing, I've filled the gas tank. Tonight's i am Fool rehearsal was cancelled at the last minute, while I was having my weekly meal with Al at CoreLife (breakfast for me, dinner for him). Went grocery shopping. Did some banking. Went to an open mic.

Things are pretty much where they were before the weekend.

I picked up a couple of new gigs for September, one yesterday and one today. This September will see the most gigs I've had in a month since I left New York City in the mid-70s - fourteen!

Weird. Earlier in the year I was a little worried because I had a period of no gigs.

Gigging is the most fun I have playing, at least in part because it's the most playing. At an open mic, a set is typically under twenty minutes, many times only ten minutes. While rehearsals are usually gig-length amounts of time, there are breaks, discussions, etc. So, less playing time.

Gigs give me the most playing time, which usually translates into the most fun. That is the significance. If there's a little pay involved, I'm amazed that I can get money for something I do happily for free. And, of course, I'm grateful.

Playing at jams/open mics affords a different flavor of playing fun. It can be more challenging, intense - so more rewarding in the moment. That's the thing about pleasure, though - even while pursuing a peak, you want to make the moment last.

When I get lost in the music, I don't lose the tempo (ever!), but I do lose a sense of time.

That's the bigger part of what keeps me in Syracuse - I've become addicted to that feeling. It shows. People comment all the time about how happy I look when I'm performing. I'm grateful for a life that provides such abundance.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      202.3 lbs.

Previous Weight (8/21/17):           202.6 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                       - 0.3 lbs.

Diet Comment

A little progress - baby steps in the right direction.

Food Log

Breakfast
5:05pm, at CoreLife Eatery:

Tuna poke salad with: Kale, cabbage, quinoa, cucumber, carrots, scallions, ginger,edamame, avocado, tuna poke, sesame seeds, almonds and miso-sesame dressing. Not shown: Medium cup of chocolate-vanilla twist soft-serve ice cream.

Lunch
Skipped.

Dinner
11:45pm: Sliced London broil, kimchee, pork rinds, guacamole.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 0;   Coffee: 0 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 48+ oz.; and a healthy pour of Tullamore Dew Irish whiskey

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#1918, Monday, August 21: Bad news weekend

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Post 1918, Day 233 of 2017
- 2,425 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

A weekend I had been looking forward to turned to shit, as I got hit with bad news over and over again.

On Friday, I wrote in the Daily Comment that an acquaintance had hit me up for some money, which I was glad to give her - even without hearing her tale of woe, which was unsettling. I did not mention the sudden gig cancellation. Weekend off to a bad start, though.

Saturday, I'd been looking forward, for months, to a reunion of friends I had made during my brief time at City College of NY (CCNY). We started getting together annually about fifteen years ago, and I have never missed one. The three-and-a-half hour drive down was pleasant, but the venue this year - a pool - was less so (the regular spot was closed for a private function). There was a large group function happening (Fire Department Clam Bake), which included karaoke, which was just horrible and intrusive on our little gathering.

Which was littler than usual, as with only one exception, the people I most look forward to seeing had had to cancel their plans to attend during the week. So a group that had dwindled from two-to-three-dozen down to about a dozen over the years was only a half-dozen this Saturday.

About an hour-and-a-half in, two of them got into a loud argument (politics). This gave me an excuse to look at my phone. I had a text message from the band leader of Modern Mudd: "Art just died.".

Art Chamberlain was the first Native American I ever befriended. I met him about seven years ago at Mac's Bad Art Bar, where he was a regular in the audience of the Thursday night open mic I regularly played at. After playing one night, he commented on my set, we got to talking. He was funny and terse. I liked him. We became more friendly as we found ourselves at many of the same events. It was more than six months after that that I found out he played drums.

Later, he formed a band, and, while I was unwilling to join up, I did help them rehearse while they looked for a regular bass player. That band was Modern Mudd. Over the years, I subbed a few times with them. Art's brother Charlie became their lead guitarist. I was surprised I hadn't met him before, because once I had, I almost never saw one without seeing the other. Since May, I have been gigging with them (and rehearsing with them) regularly.

Art had heart problems, but we thought they were in the past. I last saw him when he and Charlie came to see my other band, Scuba Gear, last Thursday. RIP, buddy.

The news shook me. I thought about Art for a few minutes. Then I packed up and left. I just wanted to be alone. I called Charlie, said the usual, sincerely, and started my long drive home.

Driving for about an hour, without any warning or change and with no catalyzing event that I could discern, the engine check light on my car came on. I was near Monticello, NY, and although it was five-fifteen on a Saturday, I pretty quickly came on an open garage. The helpful mechanic there didn't have an interface to read the Kia's computer, but he did some quick checks on the engine, and declared he was "90% sure" it was an emissions problem, and that I could continue my drive home safely. I threw him a twenty and the drive, and the rest of Saturday night, went smoothly.

I was making a service appointment with my Kia dealer early Sunday (it will be Tuesday morning), when I got a call from my Sister-in-law Dennie saying my brother Andy had been hospitalized after his defibrillator went off three times in two days. He'd had a heart attack, and they needed to unclog some arteries and put in a stent or two to keep them open. I spoke to him. He seemed fine and in good spirits, and was mostly worried about Dennie. I reassured him.

I get a little crazy when anything happens to my brother or sister. It is not rational, and it comes reflexively, seemingly outside my control. In this case, I felt it happening, but channelled it into some more reflection, and didn't, maybe for the first time in these circumstances, over-react.

I couldn't wait until the open mic at Rooters started. I wanted to play, to lose my grief in music. I'd already done my letting go exercise - a few times - and now wanted to lose myself in music. I got to play a few long sets, and it worked.

Today nothing much happened with me. My brother's surgery went well, and he'll probably get to go home tomorrow or Wednesday. Art's service has been scheduled for Thursday. On the way to a Scuba Gear rehearsal, my car's engine check light turned off. I will be canceling my appointment. It's a bad sensor.

Bad news weekend, but the law of impermanence applies to those, too. I'm still here. Still grateful.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      202.6 lbs.

Previous Weight (8/18/17):           200.7 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                       + 1.9 lbs.

Diet Comment

Given the stress-eating I ended up doing this weekend (and the toasts I made Saturday and Sunday night), I consider, once again, that I have gotten away with something, with less than a two-pound gain, which I know will come off speedily.

Food Log

Breakfast
5:05pm:

Kale, spinach and cheese omelet (with onions and peppers, chia and hemp seeds) and 2 pieces (not 4) of bacon.

Lunch
7:25pm: A Quest bar.

Dinner
11:45pm: Sriracha chicken breast, Dubliner cheese, a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 0;   Coffee: 22 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 88+ oz.; 

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