#2190: Monday, November 19: Today's not-so-good day

 Please leave a comment when you visit my blog.
Thank you!

Post 2190
- 7 years and 323 days since I started this blog -

  

Comment

Being happy is not the absence of problems or stress.

I had a lot of both today. I am still happy. I am still grateful for my life and all that.

But my car needs another repair, and is a constant reminder that I've never had a car I liked so little as this one.

Largely through unexpected, unbudgeted and unavoidable expenses, this year, for the first time in more than 10 years, I have outspent my income. The hits began this summer, with an expensive (and possibly unnecessary) car repair, quickly followed by an expensive (and possibly unnecessary) dental procedure.

The 'possibly unnecessary' aspect of both is that neither repair was brought on by a problem - in both cases, it was a secondary diagnosis after the work (regular maintenance) had been done. And in both cases, the result was worse than before the work was done and paid for.

Now I have an identical situation: I brought my car to a new, trusted and recommended mechanic for an oil change and inspection, and my car didn't pass inspection due to front-end problems, to the tune of $800.

I have only one recourse for these expenses that have overwhelmed my income: Withdraw from my retirement account. To put it mildly, this makes me sad. It will (slightly) reduce my income for the rest of my life.

Now, to be sure, I take full responsibility for my situation. I made some mistakes during the year that were expensive, and reduced the buffer in my budget for handling emergency expenses. I also made the conscious decision not to have an emergency savings account. My actions set the stage for the problems I am having now.

But my actions also created the investment accounts that allow me to deal with these financial problems. There is some vindication, some balance. Nonetheless, I have an emotional reaction to financial adversity.

And so I find myself stress-eating at midnight. I am mindless, the TV is on, and I have no idea what I'm watching. I'm a little stoned, and while I feel calm, I am also on automatic and am eating food I am not hungry for. I will forgive myself, but not until after I see the consequences (in wieght gain, which is what I expect to see) tomorrow.

I'm an imperfect man, doing the best I can. I did not intend that stupid rhyme, and I will now punish myself by leaving it there, unedited. Self-forgiveness is a learned skill, and here I have a chance to exercise it, and for that, and everything else, I am grateful.

Food and Diet 

Today's Weight:                      199.1 lbs.

Previous Weight (11/16/18):          198.3 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                       + 0.8 lbs.

Diet Comment

I overate yesterday, and didn't hydrate that well Saturday. I woke up today feeling bloated, so the gain isn't unexpected. The new week isn't off to a promising start, with today's restaurant meal and some stress eating.

Food Log

Breakfast
2:55pm, at Santangelo's Ristorante

Chicken Abruzzi: Charbroiled chicken, portobello mushroom, tomatoes, fresh mozzarella, field greens, and a balsamic reduction. Not shown: Fresh bread and olive oil, cracked pepper and balsamic dipping sauce.

Lunch
10:45pm: A Quest bar and a Lindt 70% dark chocolate bar.

Dinner
12:30am: Hard-boiled eggs, cheddar cheese, brussel sprouts with olive oil and balsamic vinaigrette, pork rinds and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 16 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 64+ oz.;

 Please leave a comment when you visit my blog.
Thank you!