Wednesday, April 23

Post 1147, Day 112 of 2014
- 1,207 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I used to worship at the altar of 'cool'. Cool was what I wanted to be, how I wanted to be perceived.

Cool was the unit of measure that determined the appeal of things to me. 

My, my, how times have changed. I'm in no danger of being cool by my former standards. However, those old days when it was really important to me have left me with some useful behavior.

For one, I don't catastrophize things. I mean, not normally. 

When my second marriage broke up suddenly, and I saw the ruins that had been my whole adult life, I fell apart. I couldn't sleep - I was marginally effective, at best, in handling anything, and I wasn't coping well. I had a little push in that direction from my best friend, who specializes in seeing the worst in any situation, and whose only comfort was to tell me that when he was in the Army, lack of sleep was one of the few excuses for non-performance. He also comforted me by taking me out to dinner and giving me his assessment of my situation: "You are totally, completely and permanently fucked."

It took a few long conversations with my brother to haul me back off the emotional precipice this situation and that bleak view left me on.

That is the last time I looked at anything short of natural disaster as 'catastrophic' in social/emotional terms. That's a good thing.

Which naturally leads me to anotherAnother important residual benefit of my little obsession with Cool comes from my definition of cool, meaning being both competent and a bit detached and unemotional in any situation, including fight-or-flight emergencies. 

Now, I'm pretty much unflappable in the face of bad events. I cope. I handle. My response is measured and considered, whatever emotional response I might have is background; and I have been tested.

This drove my second wife crazy - she thought if you didn't have an emotional response (always, seemingly, a negative emotional response), it was because you had no emotions.

But it makes me very efficient when dealing with emergency situations, like when an amp caught fire at a gig I was at, and other people were yelling and, yes, fleeing for the exits (it really wasn't that big of a fire), I walked over and pulled the plug, then smothered the fire with the amplifier's cover. 

Then finished the song (the guitar player whose amp was smoked played 'air guitar' on his actual guitar, then borrowed an amp and laughed about the whole thing later).

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 Food and Diet Section

January to June, 2014 Daily Weight

Today's Weight:         203.4 lbs

Previous Weight:        202.2 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:      + 1.2 lbs

Diet Comment

Bad late-night snacking has undone me today. Today's restaurant meals are not going to help.

Food Log 

Breakfast
A kale protein shake (almond-coconut milk, kale, raw organic cacao powder, hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), chia gel, whey powder (24g protein), cinnamon and stevia-inulin blend). Special added ingredients: Almonds and celery.

Lunch
At Ling-Ling's Chinese Buffet and Grill:

Brussels sprouts, kimchee, and, from the "Mongolian Grill", my go-to dish: pork and chicken with cabbage, onions, mushrooms, green peppers and broccoli. This is the same meal, and the same picture, as always.

Snack

Pepperoni and cheese, almonds, and a salad of baby kale, baby spinach, chard and balsamic vinaigrette.

Dinner

At Eskapes: Blackened salmon on a romaine, spinach, bacon and tomato salad, with sauteed spinach on the side.

Late-night snack

BioTrust protein bar.

Liquid Intake

   Coffee:  32 oz.   Water: 64+ oz

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