Post 2259
- 8 years and 133 days since I started this blog -
Comment
These are some dark days.
Besides a rare illness that has affected me for more than three weeks now, I have a few friends going through hard times, ranging from severe depression, illness, and imminent death.
And this is coupled with my degraded music scene. My recent illness, during which I didn't play for two weeks, gave me too much time to think about my badly-handled firing from Modafferi and, moreso, the prospect that I am Fool may be over, due to the poor health of the band's songwriting front man. While I was on my Winter trip, his debilitating heart condition caused a job problem that forced the cancellation of all the gigs we had lined up. But when I got back it was also revealed that a throat problem that had been bothering him had worsened to the point that he cannot sing, and, in fact, he loses his voice just talking. That, four months along he still hasn't gotten checked out medically is something I find highly troubling, and I fear for my friend.
This combination of circumstances has led me to thoughts that it may be nearing time when I have to leave Syracuse, and begin the next stage of my life somewhere else.
All anxiety comes from contemplating the future, and getting out of the country, permanently, is a huge task thanks to my having accumulated a massive amount of stuff, stuff I have been living in and not addressing for more than a decade.
It is, frankly, overwhelming.
And it needs to be taken on, and for years I have not been able to bring myself to start.
I will not let this weakness bring me down, but it has been weighing on my mind.
I have been procrastinating taking even the first step ever since I retired.
It ia not lost on me, though, that this is a very first-world, privileged problem to have: How to get rid of my stuff so I can go live somewhere really nice.
And I have gratitude for that unearned privilege, and totally earned challenge.
Food and Diet
Besides a rare illness that has affected me for more than three weeks now, I have a few friends going through hard times, ranging from severe depression, illness, and imminent death.
And this is coupled with my degraded music scene. My recent illness, during which I didn't play for two weeks, gave me too much time to think about my badly-handled firing from Modafferi and, moreso, the prospect that I am Fool may be over, due to the poor health of the band's songwriting front man. While I was on my Winter trip, his debilitating heart condition caused a job problem that forced the cancellation of all the gigs we had lined up. But when I got back it was also revealed that a throat problem that had been bothering him had worsened to the point that he cannot sing, and, in fact, he loses his voice just talking. That, four months along he still hasn't gotten checked out medically is something I find highly troubling, and I fear for my friend.
This combination of circumstances has led me to thoughts that it may be nearing time when I have to leave Syracuse, and begin the next stage of my life somewhere else.
All anxiety comes from contemplating the future, and getting out of the country, permanently, is a huge task thanks to my having accumulated a massive amount of stuff, stuff I have been living in and not addressing for more than a decade.
It is, frankly, overwhelming.
And it needs to be taken on, and for years I have not been able to bring myself to start.
I will not let this weakness bring me down, but it has been weighing on my mind.
I have been procrastinating taking even the first step ever since I retired.
It ia not lost on me, though, that this is a very first-world, privileged problem to have: How to get rid of my stuff so I can go live somewhere really nice.
And I have gratitude for that unearned privilege, and totally earned challenge.
Today's Weight: 199.4 lbs.
Previous Weight (5/10/19): 196.6 lbs.
Net Loss/Gain: + 2.8 lbs.
Diet Comment
Food Log
Breakfast
4:45pm: Pepperoni, eggs, kale, spinach, onions and peppers.
Lunch
9:30pm: Sauteed salmon and riced cauliflower, and a Quest bar<.
Dinner
1:25am: Walnuts and manchego cheese, and a Quest bar.
Liquid Intake
4:45pm: Pepperoni, eggs, kale, spinach, onions and peppers.
Lunch
9:30pm: Sauteed salmon and riced cauliflower, and a Quest bar<.
Dinner
1:25am: Walnuts and manchego cheese, and a Quest bar.
Liquid Intake
Espressos: 1; Coffee: 22 oz.; Tea: 0 oz.; Water: 90+ oz.;
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