Post 712, Day 15 of 2013
- and 746 days since I started this blog.-
Daily Comment
- and 746 days since I started this blog.-
Daily Comment
But not so much a money-maker or investor. I have a spotty record there. Mostly, because of my relationship with money, which has not always served me well, although it hasn't ever been a source of philosophical distress the way it has been for other people I've known.
Most of my life, I've had or been able to get enough money for my needs and most of my wants, and have only felt short of money for brief periods - and some of those were more worrying than reality. But some of that worrying was so full of fear - fear of not being able to provide for myself, and fear that I would fail my responsibilities - as to be paralyzing. I once, in my early 20s, had a panic attack when I thought I wouldn't be able to pay my rent. That was the first and last time for that, but I remember it vividly, and it began my life of keeping track, close tabs, on my finances.
Since then, I have always made and tracked a budget - at first, on a piece of paper I kept in my wallet, later on a computer. I have been obsessive with it. It paid off. The only time I got into real financial trouble after that was in the time of my second marriage, when I stopped it and lost control.
Sometimes, when the money was good, I got greedy. Those times, I realized the old money maxims relating to fools with money, hogs to slaughter and so on. Greed is decidedly not good. At least for me. It seems to work for people with no need for greed. I was briefly an active stock investor, and, more briefly, an options trader. Those periods began with monster gains, and ended with spectacular losses. I blame myself, because I got interested when things were good and it seemed investing was easy, and didn't back off when things got ugly, which, at some point, they always do.
And then, there was the time of my second marriage, when, for the sake of domestic peace, I didn't exercise my usual discipline. This resulted in a personal financial catastrophe, and an ensuing change in my entire life; I spent a period unemployed, broke, homeless.
Which, it turns out, I needed to move on to the next stage of my life, and grab some happiness for myself, which is where I am right now.
You have to be very grateful for the bad times that turn out to be necessary to bring on the good times.
And grateful is what I am.
Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!
Today's Weight: 204.2 lbs
Food and Diet Section
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| First-half year 2013 daily weight from December 31, 2012 |
Yesterday's Weight: 205.0 lbs
Day Net Loss/Gain: - 0.8 lbs
Diet Comment
More progress. OK!
Food Log
BreakfastCocoa-hemp-kale protein shake: Almond milk, hemp seeds, chia seeds, cocoa powder, stevia-inulin blend, cinnamon, vanilla whey powder (24g protein), kale.
Lunch
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| Spring Mix and red cabbage with balsamic vinaigrette and Dal Fry (Lentil and tomato cream curry) with scrambled eggs. |
Dinner
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| Simple chili (ground beef, black beans, tomatoes and seasoning) on cauliflower. Not shown: Cole slaw. |
Liquid Intake
Coffee: 20 oz, Water: 128+ oz.
Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!
Dear Grateful,
ReplyDeleteI was never a good money manager. I don't remember anything that I managed well ever, in any aspect of my life. I lack discipline. It doesn't seem to be a part of my personality. I think that I've gotten by, not through mental and personal discipline, but through the cursed blessing of a stubborn and freewheeling intellect and surrender. in the face of overwhelming evidence, to the reality of the present.
I've never owned a home, but I've also never been homeless. I have always either been able to rent a place to live, been someone's guest, build a shack or two in an unoccupied spot in the sticks, or conveniently thought of wherever I lay my head is my home.
I have a question: How do you know when you're in a “good time” or when you are in a “bad time”? Is it a question of prosperity, or health, or social status, or mood, or attitude, or desires met and unmet, or something else?
One good question deserves another: Does happiness depend on being in the “good time”, or, is there happiness in the bad time as well?
Love and gratefully, andy
I have categorized "good times" as those where I feel - yes, totally subjective - somewhat secure. By secure I mean not under the threat of loss (loss of life, loss of health, loss of sanity, loss of material possessions, etc. - and I know that ultimately the 'having' of any of these things is illusory) The 'bad times' are when I feel I have lost, or am threatened with the loss of, one, more or all of these things.
ReplyDeleteDo I understand the entire thing doesn't hold up to scrutiny? Yes, I do. But I know, in the way the mind creates that illusion of possession, it also, sometimes, creates the feeling of loss, or the fear of loss. Sometimes, I have inadvertently created a closed loop of these unpleasant feelings, one that didn't permit the kind of objectivity necessary to see the illusion.
Happiness is self-generated - I am not sure it can be generated when your mind is generating a bad time, but at the root, it is still your mind that determines whether or not you are in a good or bad time, or happy or unhappy.
I am pretty certain that it is the 'wanting' of happiness that undermines it, as the 'wanting' of control that is the source of feeling out-of-control, a synonym for depression.
As always, I am grateful for your perspective.
Much love,
Ken