#1776, Wednesday, November 30: Same ol'

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Post 1776, Day 335 of 2016
- 2,161 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Tonight I got to play the new songs, not once, but twice, and they got a pretty good reception. They came out better in front of an audience (I think) than when I rehearsed them.

My protein shake (and a shot of Jameson's, neat) sustained me through the day.

All's well. Nothing new, otherwise.

There isn't much to write about in the Daily Comment right now.

I'm just grateful to be alive.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      206.0 lbs.

Previous Weight (11/29):             206.0 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     -   0.0 lbs.

Diet Comment

I can't remember the last time, if ever, my weight stayed the same three days in a row. Yes, I am still surprised not to see a change. November ends with me being more than four pounds heavier than when it started.

Food Log

Breakfast
4:15pm:  Green protein smoothie with coconut milk, kefir, large organic egg, chia gel, kale, spinach, celery, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, coconut oil and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch

Skipped.

Dinner

Skipped.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;  Coffee: 22 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 60+ oz. and a shot of Jameson's Irish whiskey

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#1775, Tuesday, November 29: Just another day in paradise

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Post 1775, Day 334 of 2016
- 2,160 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Rehearsal was fun. I didn't get to play much - and none of my new songs - at the open mic after, but still had fun.

I made a delicious omelet for breakfast, had a terrific lunch at Core with my friend Al before the rehearsal.

And I'm feeling well, and my mood is good.

I'm like the Los Angeles weather report - you only check when you can see there's a change happening, and you want to know when you can go back to assuming it's going to be a beautiful day. Here in Syracuse, we had unusual weather: Clear, dry and warm.

There isn't much to write about in the Daily Comment right now.

My paradise, my life, is pretty much of my own making, based on my inner thoughts, how I interpret what I perceive. So it goes.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      206.0 lbs.

Previous Weight (11/28):             206.0 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     -   0.0 lbs.

Diet Comment

I am surprised not to see a change.

Food Log

Breakfast
2:20pm:  

Omelet with peppers, onion, greens, chia seeds, hemp seeds, feta cheese and bacon.

Lunch

5:30pm, at Core Eatery:

Tuna poke salad with: Kale, cabbage, quinoa, cucumber, carrots, scallions, ginger,edamame, avocado, tuna poke, sesame seeds, almonds and miso-sesame dressing.

Dinner

10:45pm:   Two Quest bars and some bar popcorn.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;  Coffee: 0 oz.;  Tea: 8 oz.;  Water: 60+ oz. and a shot of Jameson's Irish whiskey

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#1774, Monday, November 28: Post-Thanksgiving lull

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Post 1774, Day 333 of 2016
- 2,159 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Thanksgiving was very enjoyable. I did a lot of drinking, and ate in ways to guarantee weight gain for all five days.

I don't have much to say today, thanks to having spent it doing quality assurance for a friend's art and music DVD, which concluded with a very pleasant two-hour phone call with him.

Otherwise, I continued the holiday's TV-centric mode. For what it's worth, the TV series This Is Us and Search Party are very good. If Search Party has a second season (it seems to have come to a conclusion in its ten episodes) I would watch it.

I am also learning a couple of new songs.

Maybe I'll have more to report tomorrow. Tomorrow, I'm looking forward to lunch at Core, an i am Fool rehearsal and a chance to play and sing (one or both of my new songs?) at an open mic.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      206.0 lbs.

Previous Weight (11/22):             201.8 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     +   4.2 lbs.

Diet Comment

Well! I spent five days eating high-carb, high-fat, high-sodium, high-sugar, and high-alcohol, yet only gained a little more than four pounds? That, my friends, is a victory. It does, however, imply taking steps to reduce my weight. Commencing today.

Food Log

Breakfast
5:30pm:  Green protein smoothie with coconut milk, kefir, extra-large organic egg, chia gel, kale, spinach, celery, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, coconut oil and stevia-inulin blend. And a Quest bar

Lunch

8:40pm:  A Quest bar

Dinner

12:30am:   London broil, shaved Parmesan cheese, cole slaw and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;  Coffee: 22 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 72+ oz. 

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#1773, Tuesday, November 22: Thanksgiving holiday

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Post 1773, Day 327 of 2016
- 2,153 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I'm spending Thanksgiving with my sister's family in Sharon, MA. I'm leaving tomorrow morning. (I'm on the road as you read this, more than likely).

The next blog post will be Monday, November 28th.

Have a good Thanksgiving.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      201.8 lbs.

Previous Weight (11/21):             199.8 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     +   2.0 lbs.

Diet Comment

Was it the two slices of sprouted-grain bread, or the lentils, or just too many carbs at one meal, or was it the bunch of cheese late night? I don't know, but that's a pretty big bounce off my recent low weight.

Food Log

Breakfast
12:55pm: 

Reverend Ken Fritta: Kale, spinach, chard, hemp seeds, chia seeds, onions, peppers, London broil, feta cheese, parmesan cheese, eggs.

Lunch

8:40pm, at Limp Lizard BBQ: 

Carolina Pulled Pork BBQ sandwich (BBQ pork and cole slaw, bun removed), with tomato and cucumber salad and sweet potato fries.

Dinner

12:30am:  Two Quest bars.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;  Coffee: 22 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 80+ oz. and a shot of Jameson's Irish whiskey

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#1772, Monday, November 21: Hello, Winter, you ol' sumbitch!

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Post 1772, Day 326 of 2016
- 2,152 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

It's been snowing since Sunday.

I haven't been outside since the snow started. Tomorrow I'll take out the trash and dig out the car.

A perk of retirement is not having to go out in bad weather, unless you want to go out in it.

Obviously, I don't.

I bingewatched Mozart in the Jungle. I liked it, mostly for the classical music performance parts. I really like movies and TV shows about classical music. Outside of the soap opera melodramatics (and accompanying scenery chewing), I found the show quite entertaining.

That's my full report on TV.

I also practiced singing and playing Ruby Tuesday.

That's my full report on the first snow of Winter. Nothing but grateful to be safe, warm, and entertained.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      199.8 lbs.

Previous Weight (11/18):             203.2 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     -   3.4 lbs.

Diet Comment

I was very good in a very 'down' weekend.

Food Log

Breakfast
12:05pm:  Green protein smoothie with coconut milk, kefir, extra-large organic egg, chia gel, kale, spinach, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, coconut oil and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch

4:10pm:  Salmon burger on Ezekiel 4:9 Flax sprouted grain bread with cole slaw, dal tadka (lentil curry) on spaghetti squash, and a Quest bar.

Dinner

12:30am:  Pepperoni with shaved parmesan cheese, cottage cheese, and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;  Coffee: 22 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 72+ oz. 

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#1771, Friday, November 18: No comment

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Post 1771, Day 323 of 2016
- 2,149 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Nothing today.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      203.2 lbs.

Previous Weight (11/17):             203.6 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     -   0.4 lbs.

Diet Comment

A little loss, to end the week exactly where it began.

Food Log

Breakfast
5:00pm: 

Reverend Ken Fritta: Kale, spinach, chard, hemp seeds, chia seeds, onions, peppers, pepperoni, feta cheese, parmesan cheese, eggs.

Lunch

9:10pm:  Roast beef on Ezekiel 4:9 Flax sprouted grain bread with guacamole, a salad (kale, spinach, chard, cabbage, balsamic vinaigrette), dark chocolate, and a Quest bar.

Dinner

12:30am:  Pepperoni, cole slaw, dark chocolate and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;  Coffee: 22 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 88+ oz. 

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#1770, Thursday, November 17: Maybe it isn't the structure

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Post 1770, Day 322 of 2016
- 2,148 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

With more thought on the matter, I have changed my mind about the lack of structure in my day-to-day life being a problem.

I now think it is laziness, and the ability to put off even the slightest unpleasantness due to not having to be accountable for anything. It is the ability to adjust my perceptions to see what I want, and to trust that when the time comes when something has to be done, I will do it.

And other unpleasant things about myself: A lack of discipline, a certain amount of laziness, a belief that a backlog of activities that I keep putting off will only become inconvenient when I find them so. The falseness of this last, of course, I know from personal experience.

I know I've learned all these things, picked up these thoughts and habits from childhood, and I'm quite embarrassed that, although they no longer serve me, I haven't eliminated them.

Moreover, they also have a component of fear. It is a complex problem. I don't know exactly how untangle the knot, other than, like everything else, wait for things to take their course and either change, as I've done many times in the past, or admit to some fundamental error or dishonesty about my desire for them.

Maybe I don't want to do any of these things that I want to do, and only feel that I do because of an imagined result of doing them. In other words, I wanted to play upright bass, so I got one. But maybe I should have looked closer at why I wanted to play the upright bass. Maybe I'm not practicing with it because I don't trust that I want to play it for the sake of making music with it, but for some image thing, some unrelated benefit from playing it.

Maybe, somewhere within, I don't want that benefit as much as I don't want to do the work. Or maybe I'm afraid of finding out I'm wrong about the benefit.

I don't know.

But I do know that I find things I prefer to doing the work, things with some short-term satisfactions, quicker rewards, no matter how banal.

And I do things I've promised to do, keep my appointments, invest effort over longer terms.

When it suits me.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      203.6 lbs.

Previous Weight (11/16):             202.6 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     +   1.0 lbs.

Diet Comment

This is a mysterious weight-gain - I can't account for it from what I ate - maybe I just weighed myself too soon after my late-night eating? Don't know - yesterday's eating was typical, or, possibly, less than usual.

Food Log

Breakfast
3:30pm:  Dal Makhtani (black lentil curry) with roasted chicken, and chia and hemp seeds added, over chopped broccoli.

Lunch

Skipped.

Dinner

11:30pm:  Pepperoni, cole slaw, dark chocolate and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 2;  Coffee: 0 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 88+ oz. 

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#1769, Wednesday, November 16: Maybe a bit of positive change coming

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Post 1769, Day 321 of 2016
- 2,147 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

A couple of days of playing music and I'm feeling better again.

I think the honeymoon phase of my retirement may be drawing to a close now. I have begun to see a lack of structure in my day-to-day life that is pretty much keeping me from doing some things I actually, really want to do.

I haven't been improving my guitar playing. I haven't touched my upright bass. I haven't done any housecleaning. My exercise plan hasn't been started.

I have, at least, gotten back to meditating regularly. That's been a huge help in keeping me buoyant. I've gotten back to reading more as well.

I realize that there was more to my emotional pull-back than just what's happened in the music scene. It was also affected by financial concerns, with my portfolio taking a big hit in the same time period, including my day-trading experiment.

It may be that my day-trading experiment is a bust. I haven't (yet) lost any money doing it, thanks to one great trade. But most of my other trades have busted, and I'm trying to see if the problem is with my strategy or my execution. This little doubt has had a negative effect.

Still, that experiment involved less than five percent of my portfolio, and the rest has been making a good recovery from the pre-election drop thanks to the post-election rally, and, on the whole, has vastly exceeded my goals (it still exceeded them, even when the recent losses reached their low point).

I'm considering establishing a daily routine - at least a 'wake-up' schedule, because my entire day has been spent lolling around between the computer and, when that gets intense, TV. Only evenings, when I go out to play, have felt productive.

The ability to have these thoughts, make these plans, is something I am very grateful for. In other words, I'm still waking up grateful just to be alive.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      202.6 lbs.

Previous Weight (11/15):             203.0 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     -   0.4 lbs.

Diet Comment

Slowly, the weight comes off.

Food Log

Breakfast
5:30pm:  Blueberry-kale protein smoothie with coconut milk, kefir, extra-large organic egg, chia gel, frozen wild blueberries, kale, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, celery, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, coconut oil and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch

Skipped.

Dinner

1:45am:  Buffalo chicken breast, pepperoni, dark chocolate and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;  Coffee: 22 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 66+ oz. and a shot of Jameson's Irish whiskey

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#1768, Tuesday, November 15: My spoiled Tuesday

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Post 1768, Day 320 of 2016
- 2,146 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

My last best hope to finish up the year, the last quarter of the year, with some good earnings from playing (a minor secondary motivation, for sure) were dashed today when I was informed that my Thursday night gigs subbing on bass had been given to someone else.

I felt betrayed. For the last four years, whenever the house bass player couldn't make the regular Thursday gig, I was his first call to substitute.

When he scheduled knee-replacement surgery, he asked if I could sub for him and I agreed. This was in weeks in advance. The week before his surgery, we were talking about it, and I asked if he had told the other band members that I would be subbing. He had not.

When I did, I was told they already had a sub for next week. When I asked about the rest of the weeks, they told me they'd work something out.

Today I found out that meant they were going to give all the rest of the weeks to the same guy.

My gigging calendar is empty until the end of January now.

I haven't had a paying gig since mid-September.

Worse, I don't feel like I can support the open mic that has been like a home to me the last six or seven years.

I spent a good part of the day working through my emotions, but it is going to take longer than a day. I have to remember that this is a closing chapter anyway: Mac's is more than likely going away before the end of the year. Also, no matter what their decision-making process, these musicians are not making a (valid) judgment of me, it is a particular situation, and I have to resist judging them.

I had a good practice last night with i am Fool, and it included a discussion of how we could get out and play more, but I couldn't lose the sad feeling as I told the story, and my current playing options have been so dramatically reduced recently.

I tried to put it behind me. After practice, I went to the open mic that is currently hosted by the guy who replaced me - he is a friend, and, since he is fundamentally a guitarist, and one of the first I played with when I started going to open mics, I have played with him quite a lot over the last six years. But I was feeling pretty drained after rehearsal and a day of petulance, greeted the bartender and my friend, and, since no one was playing, left pretty quickly.

And went home and stress-ate while watching TV. I can't even remember what I watched.

Iknow better than to let a momentary setback spoil my day, but I've had a hard time letting go and all I can say is, I'm grateful for another day for things to be good, to regain my perspective, my balance.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      203.0 lbs.

Previous Weight (11/14):             203.2 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     -   0.2 lbs.

Diet Comment

Big nothing, but at least, not worse!

Food Log

Breakfast
6:00pm:  

Omelet with peppers, onion, greens, chia seeds, hemp seeds, feta and parmesan cheeses and bacon. Not shown: a slice of Ezekiel 4:9 Flax sprouted grain toast.

Lunch

10:45pm:  A Quest bar.

Dinner

12:00am:  Buffalo chicken breast, pepperoni, cottage cheese, and dark chocolate.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;  Coffee: 16 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 72+ oz. 

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#1767, Monday, November 14: RIP Leonard Cohen

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Post 1767, Day 319 of 2016
- 2,145 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

The first time Leonard Cohen came onto my life was as the songwriter of 'Suzanne', my favorite song from Judy Collins' album, In My Life. I learned the song. I played the song. I thought it was the most beautifully-written song I had ever heard. The melody calmed me, the lyrics excited me.

I loved his first few records, but their overall dark and melancholy sound (as I heard it) prevented their ever having a regular place on my turntable - the sound was inconsistent with my spirit, even though the songs were the opposite. Plus, I couldn't reconcile the sparse sound of a singer-songwriter with guitar against the big production values of his own work.

I read Beautiful Losers shortly after it came out in paperback, about 1969. The book knocked me out.

Then there came a period of time when he was not in my consciousness. My admiration for him didn't fade at all - he just didn't cross my path. I never seemed to be where he was playing, his music didn't play on the radio stations I listened to, and I was listening, mostly, to jazz and classical music.

In the early '80s, I found a book of his poems, Spice Box of Earth while browsing at Shakespeare & Co. after a shopping trip to Zabar's. Outside of textbook anthologies, it was the first book of poetry I ever bought. I thought it was beyond wonderful, and it inspired me to begin the second poetry-reading binge of my life (the first was in high school).

Next stop on my Leonard Cohen journey came about while I was almost completely ignoring pop music of all kinds. I was, however, still deeply into hi-fi, and I read a glowing review of a CD of Cohen's songs in an audiophile magazine. It was in the first year after moving to North Carolina, and it was Jennifer Warnes' 'Famous Blue Raincoat - the songs of Leonard Cohen'. Once again, I was blown away. The songs were fantastic, the performances and arrangements were excellent. The musicians involved were the creme de la creme (Stevie Ray Vaughan!), and the recording was the finest I'd ever heard on the CD medium. This CD became one of my favorites, and it was, for almost six years, the only pop album I played.

In the last twenty years, Cohen has shown up in odd places - occasionally on the radio (NPR), sometimes I recognize one of his songs on a soundtrack, sometimes performed by somebody at an open mic or, more rarely, at a concert I'm attending. Every time, I recall with fondness the feelings more intentional encounters with his oeuvre have brought me.

My emotional response to his every work has been complex, yet consistent over the years.

I really only knew a little about him before he died last week. He was an author, a poet, a songwriter, a performer. With various articles about him, I know more about his very rich life, and no revelations (which were many) does nothing but increase my respect and awe of him. RIP, Leonard Cohen.

I am grateful for what you brought to my life.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      203.2 lbs.

Previous Weight (11/11):             201.0 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     +   2.2 lbs.

Diet Comment

I view this gain, over the weekend, as quite all right, given that I did cheat a bit.

Food Log

Breakfast
5:00pm:  Green protein smoothie with coconut milk, kefir, extra-large organic egg, chia gel, kale, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, celery, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, coconut oil and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch

8:50pm:  Pepperoni and Dubliner cheese and a Quest bar.

Dinner

12:45am:  A Quest bar, cottage cheese, and dark chocolate.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;  Coffee: 0 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 72+ oz. 

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