Reverend Ken's Blog: Tuesday, July 29 Past imperfect

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Tuesday, July 29 Past imperfect

Post 1244, Day 210 of 2014
- 1,306 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I worry sometimes when I think about my past. I know I remember some events differently than other people who were there (and I know I mis-remember who was there). Memory is funny like that.

Of more concern than whether or not my memory is objectively accurate (who cares? It's my damn memory) is not remembering what I have and have not shared with people. There were memorable things that happened to me - especially in times where I was under great stress - that I haven't shared with my family and friends.

One of these involves an event that I deliberately didn't share with anyone, because I never really processed it myself, at least not in real time.

In 2006, shortly after I had finished my Hepatitis C treatment (which lasted just short of a year), I began having severe problems with bladder control, and was diagnosed with BHP, and a TURP (Transurethral resection of the prostate) was ordered.

Standard practice called for an on-the-spot biopsy, which resulted in the news that, unusually, there was a malignancy in among those benign cancer cells. and a much greater amount (80+%) of my prostate was removed than was planned for.

The surgeon was "more than 90%" sure all the cancer had been removed, but advised a course of radiation and chemotherapy "to make certain". I refused. And told no one, at the time.

It was an on-the-spot decision. While I was encouraged to get a second opinion, and involve my wife in the decision-making process, I demurred.

Having just had a miserable eleven-months with chemotherapy-like treatment that was advance-billed as "not too bad, sometimes like a cold," I was more than gun-shy, I was skeptical.

My wife, a Physician Assistant, was very much a modern-medicine advocate, meaning, she was part of the Big Pharma-controlled medical system, and, in the frame of mind I was in (what do you mean I had cancer?) I didn't want someone with 'conventional' wisdom, and no sympathy for anyone who mistrusted the Medical Establishment), and I didn't know anybody outside that Establishment, either.

I went with my gut. 'No mas,' thank you.

There has never been a hint of any cancer in me since, and I am vigilant. I think I made the right choice.

But I never fully processed the event, which began while I was under general anesthesia, and ended the next day, when I was home recovering. I thought that, I had shared it with Alex, some years later, but he doesn't remember that happening.

I went into the details of it last night, almost nine years after the fact, in a phone call with him, which resulted in today's Comment about mis-remembering the past.

He shared with me that during this time, he hadn't liked me. But around this time, I'd changed, and he'd flipped the switch on me: Perceiving a change in me, after years of disliking me, we started talking, and then, I was ok.

I remembered it differently. I'd been pretty consistent with him, all those years. In his Senior year in high school, he went through a radical change. Giving me the credit was wrong. I was pretty sure he mis-remembered, giving the credit for the change that brought us closer to me. But, to his credit, I think he has corrected his view.

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Food and Diet Section

2014 Daily Weight

Today's Weight: 210.6 lbs

Previous Weight: 211.6 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain: - 1.0 lbs

Diet Comment

We'll see if I can continue this. I have doubts, so probably not.

Food Log

Breakfast
Skipped.

Lunch

A cocoa-hemp-kale protein shake (almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (24g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, chia gel, celery, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon and stevia-inulin blend.

Snack

Pepperoni.

Dinner