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Post 1835, Day 101 of 2017
- 2,293 days since I started this blog -
- 2,293 days since I started this blog -
My friend Jerry is in Crete. He wrote that any expectations he had formed "...were lightly taken ..and good..cuz so far not one thing has gone according any fantasy i might of had;-)"
The problem with expectations isn't only that having them sets you up for disappointment. The bigger problem, to me, is that having them limits how you experience things unfolding before you.
It is a well-noted part of the human experience to have confirmation bias - which means noting those things that confirm your beliefs and ignoring or just not perceiving what doesn't. That is how your expectations, your fantasies about the future, limit your ability to perceive what is going on in the present, even as it moves along our senses absorbing the future as it does. While you are comparing what arrives in the present with the map you made in the past, you will miss actually seeing what is.
And it is not only in the realm of future-tripping, but in relationships. We form expectations of human behavior based on our beliefs. We make rules, many arbitrary, about how people should relate to people, how people should behave. We assume everybody thinks like us, or should. We build societal rules based on ideals of human behavior, and to establish safety from those who don't recognize our rules. And we then create expectations that everybody should follow the rules, whether they've been published and established, or exist only in our heads.
But that idea violates a belief I have (as concisely stated by the Diana St. Ruth quote that sits at the bottom of any email I send): "You cannot change the past, arrange the future to suit yourself, or make other people say and do the things you want them to say and do."
Therefore, your concept of friendship shouldn't be fixed. Your friendships will form on sharing experiences, but not necessarily on perceiving those experiences identically. Many people believe that friendship is based on reciprocity, on maintaining an even balance of accounts (I made you feel good, you make me feel good). In that belief, even benefitting from an imbalance imperils the friendship.
I don't define friendship, and I don't expect my friends to follow my imagined rules, to live up to or meet my expectations. I don't presume to know what reality looks like to other people (I barely know what it means to me), so it seems a bit silly to judge). Yes, that has limits - I will not tolerate violence or expressed hatred. But that is, if you will, published law, tribal, not personal, expectation.
I'm not perfect with this by any means, but to the extent I succeed, my lack of expectations, judgment and definition hasn't cost me many friends.
The problem with expectations isn't only that having them sets you up for disappointment. The bigger problem, to me, is that having them limits how you experience things unfolding before you.
It is a well-noted part of the human experience to have confirmation bias - which means noting those things that confirm your beliefs and ignoring or just not perceiving what doesn't. That is how your expectations, your fantasies about the future, limit your ability to perceive what is going on in the present, even as it moves along our senses absorbing the future as it does. While you are comparing what arrives in the present with the map you made in the past, you will miss actually seeing what is.
And it is not only in the realm of future-tripping, but in relationships. We form expectations of human behavior based on our beliefs. We make rules, many arbitrary, about how people should relate to people, how people should behave. We assume everybody thinks like us, or should. We build societal rules based on ideals of human behavior, and to establish safety from those who don't recognize our rules. And we then create expectations that everybody should follow the rules, whether they've been published and established, or exist only in our heads.
But that idea violates a belief I have (as concisely stated by the Diana St. Ruth quote that sits at the bottom of any email I send): "You cannot change the past, arrange the future to suit yourself, or make other people say and do the things you want them to say and do."
Therefore, your concept of friendship shouldn't be fixed. Your friendships will form on sharing experiences, but not necessarily on perceiving those experiences identically. Many people believe that friendship is based on reciprocity, on maintaining an even balance of accounts (I made you feel good, you make me feel good). In that belief, even benefitting from an imbalance imperils the friendship.
I don't define friendship, and I don't expect my friends to follow my imagined rules, to live up to or meet my expectations. I don't presume to know what reality looks like to other people (I barely know what it means to me), so it seems a bit silly to judge). Yes, that has limits - I will not tolerate violence or expressed hatred. But that is, if you will, published law, tribal, not personal, expectation.
I'm not perfect with this by any means, but to the extent I succeed, my lack of expectations, judgment and definition hasn't cost me many friends.
Food and Diet
Today's Weight: 204.4 lbs.
Previous Weight (4/10/17): 204.4 lbs.
Net Loss/Gain: - 0.0 lbs.
Diet Comment
Nothing gained, nothing lost - all's well, given my ice cream treat.
Food Log
Breakfast
3:45pm: Green protein smoothie with coconut milk, kefir, large organic egg, chia gel, kale, spinach, celery, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, coconut oil and stevia-inulin blend.
Lunch
6:30pm: A Quest bar and cottage cheese.
Dinner
3:45pm: Green protein smoothie with coconut milk, kefir, large organic egg, chia gel, kale, spinach, celery, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, coconut oil and stevia-inulin blend.
Lunch
6:30pm: A Quest bar and cottage cheese.
Dinner
11:55pm: Pepperoni.
Liquid Intake
Liquid Intake
Espressos: 1; Coffee: 22 oz.; Tea: 0 oz.; Water: 48+ oz. and a shot of Jameson's Irish whiskey, neat.
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