Monday, November 6, 2017

#1963, Monday, November 6: Neither a critic nor a critiqued be


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Post 1963, Day 310 of 2017
- 2,502 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment
Included in my desire not to be judgmental is my relationship to criticism.

I enjoy it. I like being analytical - it's fun. I try to do it in terms of constructive thinking about what I do and don't like about a thing, and how I would maximize the things I like and minimize the things I don't.

But it requires making judgments, and I don't kid myself that it is useful to the person or thing being critiqued. It is all about me and my thoughts, and the conscious and subconscious things that go into my personal narrative. No person, place or thing exists whose purpose is to please me, except what I create - or buy.

But what I buy wasn't created with me in mind, but rather in the hope that I will judge it desirable to own. is an extension of what I create - and exists to be judged - and is marketed to positively influence that judgment by manipulating my thoughts and emotions.

So I will think about a thing - goodness knows, my thoughts come from nowhere sometimes, but they're also generated at the sight of shiny objects, anything that attracts my attention - but I know I am mostly categorizing my responses, my thoughts influencing only how I regard what I see, not changing the object at all.

So I am uncomfortable in my role as critic. Criticism is an attempt to alter something or someone else's perception of that thing. It is different from marketing by including the former, marketing is only about the latter.

And I accept, but don't court, criticism. I'm passive in the face of criticism - accepting, but not reacting. If I am making something - music, for instance - I think about who is my customer. To me, my customer is almost never the audience. It is my fellow musicians. When they have a suggestion or criticism about something I'm doing musically, I weigh their perception against my own, and if I can imagine their idea, I'm always willing to give it a try. What I don't do is tell myself a story about it - try to make it canon, flesh it out with motive or anything more than that they're telling me something about themselves: Their perception of what I'm playing and what they're playing, and how they go together.

Beyond my fellow musicians is the audience, which doesn't understand what I'm doing. They don't need to. I enjoy getting praise from the audience, I enjoy getting energy back when playing out - I'm not past that, it feels good. But I don't give it much weight. Nor do I seek it or need it to validate what I do.

I enjoy playing, I get in a 'head-space' when I'm playing that is very much in the moment. In the moment, there isn't any criticism, judgment, praise, thought. The moment just is. As soon as you think about it, it is past.


Food and Diet




Today's Weight:                      203.7 lbs.
Previous Weight (11/3/17):           202.1 lbs.
Net Loss/Gain:                       + 1.6 lbs.


Diet Comment
The good news: I didn't gain back all the weight I lost this past week, which, considering what I ate over the weekend I regard as a major accomplishment. That news wasn't enough for me not to do an eighteen-hour fast today.

Food Log
Breakfast
Skipped.

Lunch
Skipped.

Dinner
10:00pm: A LEO (lox, eggs and onions) with a  chopped salad (chard, kale, spinach, walnuts, shaved parmesan cheese and balsamic vinaigrette), two squares (ounces) of sugar-free dark chocolate and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 0 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 56+ oz.; 

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