Post 1249, Day 216 of 2014
- 1,312 days since I started this blog -
- 1,312 days since I started this blog -
I had a strong reaction to some things that occurred beginning Friday, when I realized that there was exactly a year and a half left before I qualified for full Social Security, the time I have set to retire and kick off a new chapter to see what life is like when you don't have to sell your time (work) to meet your living expenses.
I wasn't expecting that.
What I ended up exploring was what it meant to me right then, as I was considering it, and the answer was, not much. But then, why all the emotions?
I don't have an answer yet, but I'm leaning in the direction of fear of change, which means I am pulled away from the ever-elusive, ever-moving present.
I mentioned a benefit I played Saturday night, and I also had some response to that: For one, I as very happy to play with my bands, and very happy that we played well and got a great audience response.
But there was a little wistfulness, too, as the purpose we were there - to raise money for a gifted and hospitalized musician - fell short, thanks to too-small attendance. I don't get people, sometimes. All right, I just don't get people.
And there is the ongoing health and work problems of i am Fool leader J. We planned on doing a short set, but the crowd - and then the owner - kept us on stage for twice our 20-minute slot. Just for reference, forty minutes would be about half a set normally. At the end of it, J. was hurting, and couldn't hang out any more.
I keep looking for the lessons I'm supposed to learn. Not getting it, today. I'm going to take up yoga. I know just the guy to teach me: A professional cross-dressing rocker (Granny Four-Barrel) who in civilian life owns a yoga studio.
Maybe that's the ticket.
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Food and Diet Section
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| 2014 Daily Weight |
Previous Weight*: 210.4 lbs
Day Net Loss/Gain: + 1.2 lbs
* Saturday, Aug 2
Diet Comment
So this is what the weekend left me with. Thank you, my one off-plan snack last night.* Saturday, Aug 2
Diet Comment
Food Log
Breakfast
A cocoa-hemp-kale protein shake (almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (24g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon and stevia-inulin blend.
Lunch
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| Chopped salad with roasted turkey breast, black beans, shaved Parmesan cheese, baby kale, baby spinach, chard and balsamic vinaigrette. Very tasty. |
Liquid Intake
Coffee: 25 oz. Water: 128+ oz.
Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!
written a few weeks ago :
ReplyDeletei can curse my fatei cannot argue with it
as it is
i must accept it
as it is
i must deal with it
AS IT IS
we've felt afraid through out our whole lives. From a little nervousness to the most profound existential fears, we''ve survived them all. we are here, now. What became of all those fears?
in my opinion, doing "yoga' is not necessary.
- -Light - Love - Compassion -
.
for forms sake, the second phrase "i cannot argue with it' should be th second line.
Delete- andy
All those fears, along with everything else I've thought and felt (or thought I felt), put me right where I am, which is, of course, your point. Seeing things as they are (sensing anything as it is), is a goal, and a process, and I don't have the slightest idea how to get there from here, so I'm just doing the best I can at any 'now' point. Whoops, I missed it again while I was writing this,
Deletewhenever you stop trying to make sense of it, you and it are as it is, right now
Deletewe exist in our natural state here and now, looking through the eyes of the monument, wondering if we can see Mt.Rushmore from here.Its not a place to get to, but the place you keep leaving, only to realize that the only movement you experience is the movement of thought,feeling, association,and sensation. you haven't really gone anywhere, you are still just here and now.. All is just as it is now, without regard to how you might choose to process it,and, changing, remains as it is.
i'm not sure this makes any sense to you, it is just how things seem to me.
- Light - Love - Compassion -
my point is that you are fine, despite everything you have ever been afraid of..
Delete- Compassion - Love - Light -
Yes, for me too, fear is a problem
ReplyDeleteAs to yoga, it is probably not a need, but I am feeling a little stiff and inflexible (physically), and I'd like to fix that. I could just stretch, I guess, but I hate that. My idea is that a little extra meditation couldn't hurt, and may help me enjoy the physical part better. I'm sure I could find a place to do T'ai Ch'i, but I know this guy, and he's a pro, and has offered me some help, so...
ReplyDelete