Monday, June 2

Post 1752, Day 153 of 2014
- 1,249 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

So, this is a thing: 

I started playing in bands when I was 14. By my early 20s, I was pretty good, and even had a bit of a reputation.

I was as good at playing bass as I was at anything I ever did in my life.

My father never heard me play bass. Not a note. Not ever.

Among the many hurtful things that happened (and I'm not dwelling on the past... you'll see where I'm going with this) between me and my father, that is the one that disappointed me most.

I think my father's dislike of pop music was the main reason he didn't make any effort on my behalf, although that's just one of many reasons, most unknown to me. He wasn't interested in really knowing what was going on with me.

He could never see himself visiting the places (usually bars) I played in. It carried over into a lot of our relationship after I became independent. He would often tell me he didn't know how to talk to me - so we would have a lot of "How's the weather?" conversations. Nothing really intimate, until he was near death, and told me a little about himself, and how he was (not how he put it) scared of his children.

The silver lining is that I very deliberately cultivated an exchange with Alex so I would know what achievements are important to him, hell, what anything is that is important to him, and, as best I can, participate and support him with that.

We talk about a lot of things - along the spectrum of intimate to banal. 

I try not to judge what he does, and I let him know that. My love and support are absolute, not tempered by my own inclinations, standards, expectations (which I want to not have), and especially not by what I would do.

Am I perfect with that? No, but pretty close. Basically, I am a cheer leader, whether he feels like he's winning or losing at anything.

I know that doesn't make me special in any way, but I also know this: 

Alex will never feel any disinterest from me - if he spends time doing something I'm not interested in, I will be interested in finding out what he gets out of it, how it affects him.

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 Food and Diet Section

2014 Daily Weight

Today's Weight:         208.0 lbs

Previous Weight:        207.6 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:      + 0.4 lbs

Diet Comment

A step in the wrong direction, so, of course, the trendline is still rising. Today (and the next three days) I will be dining out a lot. Never good for the waistline, that dining out, but I have a visitor from the past, up in Syracuse.

Food Log 

Breakfast
A kale protein shake (almond-coconut milk, baby kale, large egg, raw organic cacao powder, hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), chia gel, whey powder (24g protein), cinnamon and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch

Tuna salad on baby kale, spinach, chard and cole slaw mix. Not shown: two slices of Ezekiel 4:9 Flax bread, toasted.

Dinner
At Ironwood: A Fire Roasted Chicken pizza (olive oil , garlic, spinach, fresh mozzarella, fire roasted chicken breast, pancetta, and caramelized sweet onions). Major fail, spectacularly good. You'll be seeing this every couple of weeks (whenever I play a gig there).

Snack
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Coffee:  22 oz.   Water: 96+ oz.A glass of Pinot Noir and a Porter beer

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