#1486, Monday, August 10: A rare musical negative

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Post 1486, Day 222 of 2015
- 1,683 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

After a particularly difficult couple of weeks - difficult from a workload standpoint, otherwise, not at all - things seem to have settled back to something more typical, if not normal.

An interesting thing at a jam session, in between songs on my set. I don't know what the instigating event or circumstances were, but in between the four songs that I played on there was a commotion on stage, where various people seemed to be trying to make some point or other to musicians on the set, and there were personnel changes after every song.

Now, that's no big deal. The interesting thing was, that with all the cross-talking, I got disoriented. I didn't know what was going on, what I'd be playing, or with who.

And I kind of lost it - not in any visible way, but I became acutely aware of not knowing what was going on. My disorientation led to self-consciousness and uneasy confusion.

It wasn't the loss of control - I rarely assume that I have or will have any control over what happens in a jam, and that is part of the attraction of participating. I just felt totally lost. 

Because other people were talking, nodding, or shaking their heads in response, and the hub-bub was happening just a few feet away, but with all the noise I had no idea what it was all about, I felt left out, isolated.

Once the music started, it was all good again, but I had to actively let go of my negative feeling around this happenstance. I left right after I played.

Very disconcerting. Nothing to do with the music apparently (the music was fine). I was responding to what seemed to be 'bad vibes' on the stage, and I didn't (and don't) know where it was coming from.

Glad I have an internal monitor to remind me not to take it personally, and not to hold on to that negative feeling.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   210.6 lbs

Previous Weight (8/7):            206.6 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 4.0 lbs

Diet Comment

Oh, boy! I didn't see that coming this weekend, although I think Friday night did the most damage. Tonight, a show at the Dinosaur BBQ made my evening eating irregular, too. Good food, off-plan, and not enough made me very hungry when I got home.

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch
Protein shake with almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, celery and stevia-inulin blend.

Snack
Medium vanilla-chocolate twist soft-serve ice cream in a cup.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Dinner
At Dinosaur BBQ: Pulled pork with barbecue sauce, salt potatoes, cole slaw and an oatmeal cookie.

Snack
London broil and Quest bars.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 2;  Coffee: 24 oz.; Water: 96+ oz. 

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