August 17

Post 921, Day 227 of 2013
- and 958 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Today's event was i am Fool's drummer John's father's 88th birthday. He is a Southern born-and-bred Country and Western performer, singing and playing guitar - although he's long since retired from performing. 

It was a much bigger event than I had been led to expect - I was thinking living room jam, it turned out to be a stage under a tent, with lots of players and a full band in attendance.

I got to play with the country band (love pedal steel), then later jam for a while with my 'other' group (blues singer/guitarist) and John.

I usually don't use this turn of phrase, but it just works here: It was a hoot.

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 Food and Diet Section

2013 Daily Weight

Today's Weight:         212.2 lbs

Yesterday's Weight:     212.6 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:      - 0.4 lbs

Diet Comment

Again, better than gaining weight? Yes.

Food Log 

Breakfast
Skipped.

Lunch

Protein bar; the rest of the bag of Wholesome Medley nut, fruit and dark chocolate mix I'd started yesterday. 

Dinner

At the party, beginning rather early: Sausage, cheeseburger, cole slaw, salad, pepperoni, cheese.

Liquid Intake   

   Coffee:  12 oz.   Water: 104+ oz.

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August 16

Post 920, Day 226 of 2013
- and 957 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Work just led to being too tired to go out as planned. It was an early-to-bed day.

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 Food and Diet Section

2013 Daily Weight

Today's Weight:         212.6 lbs

Yesterday's Weight:     213.6 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:      - 1.0 lbs

Diet Comment

Better than gaining weight? Yes.

Food Log 

Breakfast
Cocoa-kale-hemp-chia protein shake: Almond-coconut milk, kale, a large egg, cocoa, hemp seeds, chia gel, whey powder (24g protein), cinnamon, vanilla, psyllium and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch

Wild-caught salmon and black beans salad on Spring Mix and cole slaw blend.

Snack
Protein bar.

Dinner

Second Nature Wholesome Blend: peanuts, cashews, almonds, raisins, cranberries and dark chocolate.

Liquid Intake   

   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 112+ oz.

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August 15

Post 919, Day 225 of 2013
- and 956 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Not a lot going on today. Minor misunderstandings surfaced and were resolved. 

I didn't do something I said I would do, and felt bad about that. The mistake was committing in the first place.

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 Food and Diet Section

2013 Daily Weight

Today's Weight:         213.6 lbs

Yesterday's Weight:     211.8 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:      + 1.8 lbs

Diet Comment

Yesterday's step outside the lines (ice cream, too many protein bars) has had an unpleasant effect.

Food Log 

Breakfast
Cocoa-kale-hemp-chia protein shake: Almond-coconut milk, kale, a large egg, cocoa, hemp seeds, chia seeds, whey powder (24g protein), cinnamon, vanilla, psyllium and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch

Wild-caught salmon and black beans salad on Spring Mix and cole slaw blend.

Snacks
Protein bar.

Dinner

Dal Makhtani (black lentil curry) over broccolli. Hard-boiled eggs with guacamole.

Liquid Intake   

   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 112+ oz.

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August 14

Post 917, Day 224 of 2013
- and 955 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I started writing today's comments with the idea that people used to 'ride out' personality and behavior changes with their spouses, friends, and associates.

Then, as I presented my internal discussion, I wrote myself into a corner where I found myself ambivalent on the original point. I trashed that comment.

So you're left with this: friends and lovers can disagree, can even fight, and remain friends and lovers. I don't know whether  modern social attitudes make walking away easier, but I remember a time when people were (or seemed) more tolerant of those closest to them.

And no, there isn't a current incident making this relevant, beyond the original trashed comment.

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 Food and Diet Section

2013 Daily Weight

Today's Weight:         211.8 lbs

Yesterday's Weight:     213.2 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:      - 1.4 lbs

Diet Comment

Trying to keep the loss going - to a trend.

Food Log 

Breakfast
Protein bar.

Lunch
At Ling-Ling's Chinese Buffet and Grill:

Brussels sprouts, kimchee, and, from the "Mongolian Grill", my go-to dish, pork and chicken with cabbage, onions, mushrooms, green peppers and broccoli.

Snacks
Soft-serve ice cream. Protein bar.

Dinner

Dal Tadka with scrambled eggs and spinach. Not shown: Salad with Spring Mix, red cabbage and balsamic vinaigrette. 

Snack
Red cabbage slaw. Protein bar.

Liquid Intake   

   Coffee:  24 oz.   Water: 138+ oz.  And a shot of Jameson's.

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August 13

Post 916, Day 223 of 2013
- and 954 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

There is one memorable (and actually relevant, since it is consistent with the ending) episode of the TV series Lost that focuses on male lead Jack Shepard's tattoo, which he got in Thailand.

The tattoo is revealed to be a glyph meaning, ""He walks amongst us, but he is not one of us".

I've been thinking of this lately. Because, it speaks to a certain alienation I have felt most of my life - the idea that, no matter how 'in' I get with a group, I am not 'of' the group.

I think this began during the Summer of 1958 - I was 8 years old, and had been 'awarded' the right to skip third grade. My parents were proud to have me confirmed as being intelligent enough to do this. Six other students in my second-grade class were similarly honored. Many years later, I found out that ten students had been selected, but the parents of four declined to have their children participate.

Those were the wise parents, the ones who understood the social implications of this educational experiment (the program was terminated the next year).

In order to start my fourth grade class, I had to complete the English and Math curriculum for third grade that summer. During that summer vacation, I spent two hours a day, usually before and after dinner (because I wouldn't do it unless my parents were home to make me) completing the workbooks for those two subjects.

I used to cry with frustration as all my friends were out playing, and I had to do this unpleasant, though not very difficult, work. For me, there was no pride in this honor, only a sense of being separated from my peer group.

A lot of the difficulties I've had with life can be traced back to that imposed separation from my friends; the mistake was compounded by skipping eighth grade, so that when I got to high school, I was two years younger (and at least two years less mature) than my classmates. 

From that point on, I felt a sense of being outside of any and all groups - be they cliques of friends, musical groups, or coworkers. In the group, but not of the group.

It isn't a hostile form of alienation, just a feeling of being different - not necessarily better or worse, just different, slightly apart, without a shared agenda.

This feeling has been consistent for fifty-five years now. Sometimes it isn't much of a factor in my awareness, other times it has been a major consideration for me, an ill-defined feeling that my agenda is different than that of others I am associating with, and has affected my choices.

It isn't a like-or-don't-like thing, either. I haven't had a whole lot of difficulty being accepted by most people or groups, but my 'otherness' has been recognized. In some cases, it has led people to feel uneasy and distrustful (people who have a xenophobic reaction to perceived difference from themselves), but, by and large, I have been accepted by my peers, my quirks tolerated, ignored, or, at times, applauded.

Maybe it's the old Groucho line, "I would not be a member of any club that would have me." Maybe I just enjoy the outsider-inside status.

I think it is this sense of alienation (I am not going to go on giving examples, anyone reading this will recognize what I'm talking about) that makes it easier for me than for others to consider uprooting myself and starting a new life in another country, where I will be, not because of my personality, but rather because of my nationality, among but not of the local populace.

Or, maybe, in the company of other expats who have done the same thing (and ended up in the same place), I will find the exact society of people I can be among, and of.

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 Food and Diet Section

2013 Daily Weight

Today's Weight:         213.2 lbs

Yesterday's Weight:     214.8 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:      - 1.6 lbs

Diet Comment

Stopped the gaining. Have to put a few of these together. Had almost the exact same food today as yesterday.

Food Log 

Breakfast
Cocoa-kale-hemp-chia protein shake: Almond-coconut milk, kale, a large egg, cocoa, hemp seeds, chia gel, whey powder (24g protein), cinnamon, vanilla, psyllium and stevia-inulin blend.

Snack
High-fiber protein cookie.

Lunch

Smoked turkey, black beans, Spring Mix, cole slaw blend, kale and balsamic vinaigrette.

Snack
Protein bar.

Dinner

Chili (grass-fed beef, black beans, tomatoes, spices) on cauliflower. Not shown: Red cabbage slaw.

Liquid Intake   

   Coffee:  24 oz.   Water: 96+ oz. 

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August 12

Post 915, Day 222 of 2013
- and 953 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

In one of those moments of synchronicity, I read an article on "Life's Priorities", the gist of which is that you make time for what is really a priority. And it includes a quote:

What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while. -Gretchen Rubin

This was the conclusion I came to on Saturday, when I decided to leave my annual reunion to play with my band. I wrote about it Saturday's blog post.

My most important everyday activity involves my alternate career/hobby/avocation as a bass player (musician). When faced with an overwhelming urge to play, I sacrificed my time and an alternate, occasional opportunity for a non-musical good time, more socializing with old friends, to maximize the opportunity.

I admit to being happy with the choice and the result, by and large, while wishing it weren't a choice - by which I mean, wishing I could do the thing I sacrificed and the thing I made the sacrifice for.

Choosing to do the thing that makes me happy every day over the occasional happy thing is also the reason I am so at peace with myself these days - more so than I can ever remember in my adult life, maybe even before that. I am simply living in concert (pun intended) with my priorities.

Oh, yes, and as of today, I have 900 days left to retirement and the activation of my plan to expatriate.

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 Food and Diet Section

2013 Daily Weight

Today's Weight:         214.8 lbs

Yesterday's Weight:     212.2 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:      + 2.6 lbs

Diet Comment

Three days of bad eating and today, I have my high weight for the year (so far). Accordingly, today, I ate really clean.

Food Log 

Breakfast
Cocoa-kale-hemp-chia protein shake: Almond-coconut milk, kale, a large egg, cocoa, hemp seeds, chia gel, whey powder (24g protein), cinnamon, vanilla, psyllium and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch

Smoked turkey, black beans, Spring Mix, cole slaw blend, kale and balsamic vinaigrette.

Dinner

Chili (grass-fed beef, black beans, tomatoes, spices) on cauliflower. Not shown: Red cabbage slaw and a Protein bar.

Liquid Intake   

   Coffee:  24 oz.   Water: 120+ oz. 

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August 11

Post 914, Day 221 of 2013
- and 952 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Nah, nothing today. Chores and playing.

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 Food and Diet Section

2013 Daily Weight

Today's Weight:         212.2 lbs

Yesterday's Weight:     213.4 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:      - 1.2 lbs

Diet Comment

An 18-hour fast after a day of off-plan eating that didn't actually do the damage I was expecting. Given my eating today, I wouldn't be surprised if it showed up tomorrow.

Food Log 

Breakfast
Skipped.

Lunch
Skipped.

Snack
Cocoa-kale-hemp-chia protein shake: Almond-coconut milk, kale, a large egg, cocoa, hemp seeds, chia gel, whey powder (24g protein), cinnamon, vanilla, psyllium and stevia-inulin blend. Then, a little red cabbage slaw.

Dinner

At Bridge Street Tavern: A bacon cheeseburger with French fries.

Snack
A protein bar and Ezekiel 4:9 Golden Flax sprouted grain cereal with blueberries, coconut sugar and almond-coconut milk.

Liquid Intake   

   Coffee:  0 oz.   Water: 80+ oz. 

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August 10

Post 914, Day 221 of 2013
- and 952 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Today is the day I was trying to resolve inner anxiety that has been bothering me the last few days. Face it, or throw it aside, move past it (which in a sense, I know I already have).

What's been bothering me is missing a gig with my band. At first I thought it bothered me because I felt abandoned. I wrote about that, and got over it. 

Then it was about defining myself vis a vis the band - more like a problem with the billing - that one definition of the band (unplugged) was that it wasn't i am Fool unplugged, it was J. and friends (from i am Fool).

I got past that, too. If it was just a billing thing, I could completely understand and accept that.

Finally, I came (slowly) to understand that what it was actually about was that I was missing an opportunity to play with the band, and those moments were literally too precious, to important to me. And I had to admit that I valued that enough to extend myself according to its true value, to 'pay' for the privilege.

The cost was leaving an event with friends I get to see only rarely, and driving for four-and-a-half hours longer than I otherwise would have. There was no out-of-pocket monetary cost at all, but some psychic cost - normally, I'm the last to leave, and even then, I try to eke out some more time with my once-a-year friends at dinner or whatever.

But this year, I had to decide which shade of gray I liked better. The one that most affected my everyday life won out.

I played the gig - and got a heroes welcome from the band, all of whom were happier to be playing a regular i am Fool kick-ass set than a less-than-the-band public experiment. And the set went really well.

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 Food and Diet Section

2013 Daily Weight

Today's Weight:         213.4 lbs

Yesterday's Weight:     210.0 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:      + 3.4 lbs

Diet Comment

I'm approaching my high weight for the year, and I wasn't entirely in control of today's eating, either.

Food Log 

Breakfast
Protein bar.

Lunch
Pot-luck: sesame noodles with vegetables and sesame-peanut sauce, rotisserie chicken, spanakopita, hummus, bread, and corn chips.

Dinner

A protein bar. 

Snack
A protein bar and Ezekiel 4:9 Golden Flax sprouted grain cereal with coconut sugar and almond-coconut milk.

Liquid Intake   

   Coffee:  0 oz.   Water: 144+ oz. 

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