#1420, Tuesday, May 5: Sermon on Saturday

Post 1420, Day 125 of 2015
- 1,586 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Today I wrote (or, more properly, finished the draft of) my first-ever sermon.

It will be delivered Saturday, when my dear friends Jeanne and Gary Shaw renew their vows near Jeanne's studio in Croton Point Park.

I think they asked me out of a belief that I would inject their (our) kind of wacky humor into what they want to see as a big party.

I failed. Not that I don't find humor in the situation (I smile every time I think of them, and our times together are always full of laughter), it's just that when I think of their marriage/couple-ship/partnership/family, while I don't see any solemnity (that would be wrong), I do see so much that is remarkable. These are two people who have succeeded in creating a family, maintaining their commitments to each other, being beacons of love, taking their role as stewards of the environment to levels unprecedented among my friends and acquaintances.

And they do it all with great good humor. They don't need me to make their renewal of vows a standup routine.

I just want to kick off the party part, and that is how my 'sermon' ends.

Here's that sermon:

I’m going to start with an answer: It’s all about love. I will give you a minute to remember whatever question you had in mind. Thank you. No matter what question came to you, including why this crazy old bag of wind is speaking now, the answer is, “It’s all about love.”

Sometimes, when you remember that it’s all about love, love becomes a vessel. It holds your life, and everyone and everything you perceive in it, and there is a unity in that. That is worth celebrating, and being thankful for, today, and every day.

The love that Gary and Jeanne have shared for decades has created a family that now has four generations, and has enriched the lives of everyone they’ve met, and, by extension, everyone who knows anyone they’ve met, so that’s a lot of people who’ve benefited from the love of two people, acting in unity.

When that happens, something new is set off: Commitment.

Gary and Jeanne have been and are committed to each other; they are committed to the belief that we are the stewards of the environment, and the shepherds of the newer generations; they are committed to their family, and their friends; they are committed to beauty in its many forms, to the art that reflects that beauty; and, to complete the cycle, to living life with love and commitment.

That is the endless, timeless loop: Love and commitment begetting more love, more commitment…

And that is the question I answered first off: Why are we here today? It’s all about love, and today we’re here to celebrate being included in the Gary and Jeanne loop. We’ve come here to celebrate their love and commitment to each other. We’ve come here to recollect and renew what Gary and Jeanne have not forgotten, and what they have ensured will be renewed endlessly: Their sacred promise to love and honor each other, as we love and honor them.

Right now, I’d like everybody to join hands. I want this assembly to connect and be a symbol of the unity of love that we’re celebrating here, as Gary and Jeanne renew their vows, their promise to each other.

Thank you.

Now, not because I’m a minister in the Universal Life Church, or a long-time friend, but as someone who derives authority from the love I have for you both, I now ask you, Gary and Jeanne, to join hands and speaking with one voice, to repeat after me:

Dearest, in all my time, with all my heart, I vow to love you with nothing held back, as my mate and comrade, as friend and lover, as my partner in life.

Kiss each other to seal the vow.

Now, kiss me. I love you both, and celebrate you, as all here today, and all who couldn’t be here except in spirit, celebrate the joy you have in each other, the joy of life, and what it means to us to have the two of you in our lives.

I tried to strike a balance - hopefully, I wasn't too heavy or too glib, too deep or too sentimental.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   205.4 lbs

Previous Weight (5/4):            204.6 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 0.8 lbs

Diet Comment

I didn't expect this gain, but maybe I should have. A lot of snacking yesterday.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch
A cocoa-hemp-kale protein shake (almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), celery, raw organic cacao powder, fermented coconut water, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon and stevia-inulin blend.

Snack

Grilled cheese on Ezekiel 4:9 Sesame sprouted grain bread.

Dinner
Pepperoni, cheese and a salad of mixed baby kale, baby spinach, chard, cabbage and balsamic vinaigrette.

Snack

Pepperoni and grilled cheese on Ezekiel 4:9 Sesame sprouted grain bread.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 88+ oz.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1419, Monday, May 4: This'n'that, and a belated...

Post 1419, Day 124 of 2015
- 1,585 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Finally, it feels like the start of the warm season here in Central NY.

I am still coughing and feel a little chest congestion, but as I've resumed my activities (playing music), it hasn't been a factor. The important thing is I'm over the soul-crushing fatigue that kept me down so much in the last three weeks.

I have a nice, busy schedule with my bands and my friends this May. This week, every single non-working moment seems to be accounted for, and that, my friends is a good thing.

The weather this weekend was glorious here. Sunny with the kinds of clouds that make good photos (which I didn't take). I did get one pic of downtown Syracuse, though, taken after the happy hour gig that kicked off what was, all in all, a stellar weekend. It was so pretty, I called the other band members out to look. Here it is:

The Niagara-Mohawk Building, the Art Deco masterpiece that is Syracuse's most famous bit of architecture.

Almost none of the weekend was spent doing computer stuff. Before doing a benefit in the beautiful Finger Lakes wine country Saturday morning, I spent fifteen minutes online to publish my blog and update my finances, and then I was done with computers. I played Friday night, Saturday (three different sets, two with Bradshaw Blues, one with i am Fool), and hit two of my favorite open mics (two sets at each - one set was acoustic guitar and vocal). It was a perfect weekend.

Which is how I happened to miss the birthday of my friend (and sister-in-law) Denie: Happy birthday, Dearest! I don't spend enough time with you, but the time we have is precious to me.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   204.6 lbs

Previous Weight (5/1):            203.6 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 1.0 lbs

Diet Comment

A very off-plan weekend (including pizza every day) does a little damage, but not much. Watch me bounce back, now that I'm finally feeling (mostly) better, or not, given that I have many restaurant meals coming up this week.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
Peppers, onions and cheese omelet with a feta-spinach-chicken sausage. This one was picture-worthy, but I was in a hurry. Sorry.

Lunch

Two Quest bars.

Snack

A Quest bar.

Dinner
Dinner was supposed to be pizza at Ironwood, but the gig got rained out halfway through, so it turned into pepperoni and cole slaw at home.

Snack

Two Quest bars.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 112+ oz. and a glass of merlot.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1418, Friday, May 1: By myself, thanks!

Post 1418, Day 121 of 2015
- 1,582 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I am not saying never again, but I think my days of romantic relationships are past.

Most of my life, I felt a lack if I were not romantically involved, and spent a lot of time fantasizing about my next relationship, or the object of affections. Now, after putting a hold on any such entanglements for more than five years, I don't miss it.

I might be a little afraid, but mostly, I can't see myself upsetting the status quo. I like the way things are going. Would I like some company along for the ride? Sometimes, but not at the cost of compromise, and trying to match or alter my ideas about living with someone else's.

Maybe it is selfishness. Or maybe, it is just refusing to take on someone else's views on what makes a good relationship, how individuals behave when they are part of a couple, etc.

I think if I got to know somebody well enough (and she, me) that I found things we did together consistently rewarding, and if the agreed-upon relationship wasn't tangled with mutual responsibility for each other's happiness (which I don't believe is right under any circumstances), maybe a kind of partnership could emerge.

The biggest barrier seems to be my not feeling a need for that. I accept responsibility for my own happiness, and that is working for me. I cannot and will not accept responsibility for anyone else's happiness. I can also not change history, and that seems to have been a problem with all my previous relationships.

Worse, I think that the romantic idea of one person 'completing' each other, such that the person only exists in the context of the relationship is complete rubbish. I can't go for that, and it isn't a question of giving up my autonomy, it is a matter of questioning that what I lack in myself, emotionally or spiritually, can be compensated for by someone else.

Similarly, my past experience shows resentment grows when someone feels another person isn't pulling their weight in a relationship, and in my understanding, if that feeling exists at all, or ever, the relationship is doomed. Only equality - you're okay now, I'm okay now - is a healthy relationship status.

I would like a travel partner. I would like someone to go to the clubs with. I have no problem if we go our separate ways at the end of the trip or the end of the night. I wouldn't mind having a partner - an equal, whose interests and direction coincide with mine - to hang out with. It occurs to me that a friendship would work, where gender and romance are irrelevant. I have some good friends now, but none moving in the same direction I am... I'm open to making new friends, but not so open to taking on new responsibilities.

I value independence - not just my own, but others'.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   203.6 lbs

Previous Weight (4/30):           203.6 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 0.0 lbs

Diet Comment

No change? OK.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A cocoa-hemp-kale protein shake (almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, fermented coconut water, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch

A Quest bar.

Dinner
At the Saltine Warrior Sports Bar (Happy Hour gig): Pizza, cheese, roast beef, birthday cake.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 80+ oz.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1417, Thursday, April 30: Baby steps in new performance mode

Post 1417, Day 120 of 2015
- 1,581 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

It didn't take me long to get over my shyness as a solo performer.

I went out and played a set this past Tuesday, and won over an initially indifferent crowd. It didn't hurt that I had accompaniment for the last song of the set, which swung mightily, and iced the performance cake.

I don't know to what degree I'll develop this aspect, but it has turned into more fun for me, and I can't see ending the experiment, which started as a way to perform some songs I like that other musicians don't know (making it difficult to perform them as an ensemble).

My guitar work remains rudimentary (I'm being kind to myself). And my vocals aren't what I would consider more than acceptable. But I just try to put over the song, and choose good songs. That is the key to what success I'm seeing.

I went out and did it again last night, with similar results. If I can win the crowd over - and by that, I mean engage them in my performance - among a lineup of much more accomplished musicians than my limited vocal-guitarist work, I get a feeling of real satisfaction.

Practicing in public, as I do, will let me, over time and with repetition, get into that zone I love so much with my bass playing. I think.

I leave you now with a new quote I like: 

"Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth."  Marcus Aurelius

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   203.6 lbs

Previous Weight (4/29):           203.0 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 0.6 lbs

Diet Comment

Off-plan eating (a little) added a small amount of weight, well within normal variation. And, at the end of the month I am eight pounds lighter than on the 1st (and eleven pounds lighter than the year's high weight). Not too shabby.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A cocoa-hemp-kale protein shake (almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), celery, raw organic cacao powder, fermented coconut water, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch
Salmon salad on mixed kale greens.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Dinner
Peppers, onions, and cheese omelet with feta and spinach chicken sausage, and a Quest bar.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 98+ oz.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1416, Wednesday, April 29: Really? This is still a thing?

Post 1416, Day 119 of 2015
- 1,580 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

The first paying gig I ever had was at a gay bar on the Upper East Side. I was sixteen-going-on-seventeen.

I had no consciousness of homosexuality. I hadn't figured out (or spent any thought trying to figure out) which of my friends growing up were gay (more than a couple). I didn't have much of an idea about heterosexuality either, as it turns out.

Maybe it was naivete that I didn't felt threatened or pressured in my first foray into a gay scene. The audience was appreciative. They danced. They tried to buy the band drinks (none for me - the bartender wasn't having any of that, and he also, as it turns out, was spreading the word to not proposition band members). I was 'safe' from any homosexual peer pressure.

It wasn't long before I had friends who were gay and open about it. I didn't get a whole lot of insight into the scene, we interacted the way friends do, without any real sexual component.

The only problem I ever had with a gay man was on a flight back to NY from Madrid, when a Catholic priest sitting next to me got very, very handsy. I changed my seat. It reinforced my negative feelings about the Church, but didn't change anything about my feelings for gay men.

I'm writing this because I haven't been able to avoid the news that the Supreme Court is taking up the constitutionality of same-sex marriage. That's what happens when I get the news. I thought the issue had been settled the way it was, in my mind, fifty years ago. 

Didn't think it was still an issue, except for the usual homophobic suspects (Catholic Priests and their Bible-thumping ilk). 

Very simply, we are all trying to make it through, as best we know how. If you follow the Golden Rule, you'll do the right thing. Imposing your ideas on anybody else? That's Golden Rule-breaking stuff, right there.

You are my brother, my sister. No matter what you believe, what you look like, the amount we have in common is many orders of magnitude greater than our differences. 

The world is a crazy place, and the US is among the craziest places in the world. This is among the two things I can't believe are still an issue here (legal pot is the other one).

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   203.0 lbs

Previous Weight (4/28):           201.0 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 2.0 lbs

Diet Comment

Late night snacking is, I think, responsible for this blip. I don't know what caused the carb craving that led to dessert after lunch.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch

At Ruby Tuesday's:

Deluxe bacon cheeseburger, with spaghetti squash on the side. Not shown: A salad from the salad bar, a piece of chocolate cake for dessert.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Dinner
Turkey chili (with black beans) and cole slaw.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 98+ oz.  A shot of Jameson's.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1415, Tuesday, April 28: Future unknowable

Post 1415, Day 118 of 2015
- 1,579 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

It is a given these days that having goals are important.

I'm not so sure. I can't see it as an absolute. I am not certain that any goal can be reached by planning, and I'm not certain that any human achievement is the direct product of goal-setting.

The only reason I'm uncertain, is that I also see that working towards a goal can produce benefits. I'm just not sure where intent fits into this.

Some say it is all about how you go about it. Visualization seems to work in achieving goals. I'm not certain there is any scientific evidence to support this, but my personal experience supports visualization as a useful tool, when you visualize your goal achieved in the present.

The problem with planning, and the problem with at least some kinds of visualization, is that it is future-oriented. It takes you out of the now. And, the future is unknowable. On the other hand, there's the whole failing to plan is equal to planning to fail meme.

Not living in the present isn't a good thing. Planning, with all its hallucinatory anticipations, is kind of fun. But Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. was right in Slaughterhouse 5 when he said, "Nothing succeeds as planned."

Thinking about the future seems to be the essence of doing business, which may be why I suck at business. Or why that has no interest for me, at all.

I don't know. Nothing going on with me right now was in my plans five years ago.

I think that says it all.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   201.0 lbs

Previous Weight (4/27):           201.0 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 0.0 lbs

Diet Comment

A full day's eating, on-plan, and I am maintaining. Finally feeling a bit better. Best sleep in two weeks last night.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A cocoa-hemp-kale protein shake (almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), celery, raw organic cacao powder, fermented coconut water, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch

Roasted turkey breast chopped salad: Parmesan cheese, baby kale, baby spinach, chard, cole slaw mix and balsamic vinaigrette.

Dinner
Turkey chili (with black beans) and a Quest bar.

Snack
Celery with home-made mayo and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 112+ oz.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1414, Monday, April 27: Among us, not of us

Post 1414, Day 117 of 2015
- 1,578 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Locally, there was a tragedy last night. A well-known member/booster of the blues scene, a pillar of the music community, sat in at a gig, then had a heart attack and died.

I did not know him, although I was very familiar with his name, we were Facebook friends, we often found ourselves in the same audience. But, somehow, we were never formally introduced, and we never played together (he played blues harp).

A lot of people assume I have always been in Syracuse. I have participated in countless conversations where people, talking about events, places and other people that aren't part of my background, have to be reminded that I don't know, I wasn't here.

I had never set foot in Syracuse before the interview for the job that brought me here. The only places I know in and around Syracuse are places I have gone to to see or play music. I haven't really done any kind of sightseeing. I've plopped myself here, with a "Here we are, just as we are" attitude about the relationship between locality and resident.

The thing I love about the area, the thing that is keeping me here now and for the foreseeable future, is the music scene, with which I have a total symbiotic relationship. I try to nourish the scene - I go out and support live music. I show up at open mics. I show up at your gig if you're known to me. I'll sub for your bass player. I'll talk with you about anything.

In return, I get a music scene. But...

It is an aging scene. A lot of the people I play with are old guard, old school. I don't know many local musicians who didn't grow up here; and not a single person who came here after I did (so, no college students in my circle).

Which means, some of the gigs I could play, like the great one that came to a bad end last night, aren't open to me. Because, there's a bass player for that gig that has been there, and is a life-long friend of the other musicians.

It creates a little tension for me, because I am greedy, I want to be a part of all good music-making. Then I remember.

I play pretty much as much as I choose to. These people have accepted me as part of the scene. Even though they forget I haven't been here forever, they remember who has, and the deserved and understandable preference for a known, versus the guy who, while not seen as new or even unknown, doesn't have a common accessible history.

I am among them, but not of them.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   201.0 lbs

Previous Weight (4/24):           203.4 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 2.4 lbs

Diet Comment

Another sickly, unproductive, listless weekend, and back to weight loss.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
Onions, peppers and cheese omelet with bacon.

Lunch

Salmon salad (Wild Alaska pink salmon, celery, mayonnaise) on baby kale, baby spinach, chardand cole slaw mix.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Dinner
Grass-fed beef burger with cole slaw and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 96+ oz.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1413, Friday, April 24: A pause for recovery

Post 1413, Day 114 of 2015
- 1,575 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I may have overextended myself a little last night. I'm not as sick as I was Wednesday, but I'm not as well as I was yesterday, either.

Getting old comes with a price - which we gladly pay, given the alternative. You do what you can to stay healthy, you try to keep your mind active and functional, but the physical and cognitive changes that come along with aging... come along with aging, like it or not.

The one I'm dealing with today is, of course, the longer/slower recovery time.

So it goes. It looks like my mad dash to the City tomorrow isn't going to happen after all.

I need to give myself a break.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   203.4 lbs

Previous Weight (4/23):           201.2 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 2.2 lbs

Diet Comment

This is what restaurant eating does, and why I don't eat at restaurants a lot. I regret nothing, but wish I'd been better prepared for the day.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A cocoa-hemp-kale protein shake (almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), celery, raw organic cacao powder, fermented coconut water, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch

Roasted turkey breast chopped salad: parmesan cheese, baby kale, baby spinach, chard, cole slaw mix and balsamic vinaigrette.

Dinner
A couple of Quest bars.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 64+ oz.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1412, Thursday, April 23: Big softy

Post 1412, Day 113 of 2015
- 1,574 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I'm a sentimental guy, and a romantic.

Which basically means my emotions can be easily manipulated.

I cry at movies. I even cry when watching TV. I'm embarrassed by this emotional manipulation, but I have a Pavlovian response to bold expressions of love, sacrifice, overcoming adversity, and so on.

That is fiction, or at least, my emotions are being stirred by things happening to someone else, fictional or non-fictional.

I do feel that writers are cynically pulling my strings, evoking a response from me just because I suspend belief so easily, and just because they can. I guess I've been conditioned. Probably by myself.

This would be a bigger problem if I weren't aware of it.

But the ease with which my emotions have been manipulated in the past has made me guarded in many of my real interpersonal relationships. That's sad, because I want to be open and trusting - and that is currently my default.

But, as Ringo says, it don't come easy.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   201.2 lbs

Previous Weight (4/22):           202.4 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 1.2 lbs

Diet Comment

I lost back what I gained yesterday, thanks, I think, to a good night's sleep and feeling better generally.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch
Due to a forgotten lunchtime dental appointment coupled with hunger and no easily available no-time options, I went for Roasted Pork Egg Foo Yung from the local Chinese takeout and ate at my desk. Light on the sauce, no rice.

Snack
Pepperoni, celery and home-made mayonnaise.

Dinner
At Funk'n'Waffles: 

Bacon, brie and basil waffle with apricot jam.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  36 oz.   Water: 112+ oz.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1411, Wednesday, April 22: Recovery day

Post 1411, Day 112 of 2015
- 1,573 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I actually woke up in the middle of the night (again) and couldn't go back to sleep. I took another sick day. But that was the worst I felt, and felt better and better as the day wore on, with a bit of napping, and by the time I went to bed, felt confident I had turned the corner.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   202.4 lbs

Previous Weight (4/21):           201.0 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 1.4 lbs

Diet Comment

I hope this weight gain means I'm starting to get healthy.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A cocoa-hemp-kale protein shake (almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), celery, raw organic cacao powder, fermented coconut water, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch
A Quest bar.

Dinner 
A take-out grilled chicken, spinach and cheese focaccia, and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 80+ oz.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1410, Tuesday, April 21: Still sick

Post 1410, Day 111 of 2015
- 1,572 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Still sick. A few of my friends have had a similar illness, and I called to compare my symptoms with theirs. It looks like I (finally) caught a flu that has been going around for a few months. It looks like it lasts 10 days, which, as of today (day five), means it should be over at the end of the weekend or early next week. Meanwhile, the number one symptom, fatigue, is the worst part.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   201.0 lbs

Previous Weight (4/20):           201.6 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 0.6 lbs

Diet Comment

Not the increase I was hoping for, but the last time I was this light - my year's low, so far - was on my birthday.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
Scrambled eggs and toasted Ezekiel 4:9 Flax sprouted grain bread.

Lunch
A Quest bar (ta-da!).

Dinner 
Capicola.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  10 oz.   Water: 112+ oz.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!