#1590, Friday, January 29: Speechless in Syracuse

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Post 1590, Day 29 of 2016
- 1,855 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

It was my birthday party. I had loaded in, then gone home to meet friends who would be my transport (Dedicated Driver and support group) the rest of the night.

Right before soundcheck, my friend Al Olin (the aforementioned designated driver for the night, and host to another friend of mine who'd driven all the way from Milwaukee to be at the party), called me to the center of the stage, asked for everybody else to move right in front of the stage, then handed me a gift box.

The box was empty. Al explained that it was symbolic, the package when it was delivered wouldn't fit in a box. He said he'd had to have it picked up and delivered special for the night.

He gestured to the curtains at the rear of the stage.

Alex stepped out.

Time stood still. I was so full of emotion, it blocked my senses. As we embraced, I tried to say something, but couldn't locate words. Sometimes you're speechless because you don't know how to express your feelings. Sometimes, there just are no words.

The surprise was total. I didn't have a clue he was going to be there. Apparently, a lot of people knew, and everybody managed to keep it a secret.

This is how my birthday party started.

Alex being there meant so much to me. For one thing, while he had shown me most of his creative work since moving to LA, he worked in media - what I saw was the actual end product. But, while he had seen videos, he hadn't seen me play in almost ten years, and that was nothing like what I've been doing up here.

 
Plus, I put together a little set of my own, solo and with a couple of dear friend musicians, and he heard me play guitar (I don't think he'd heard me play guitar since he was very young) and sing (which I have only done at jam sessions).

And then came i am Fool. None of our recordings and no video really does our live show justice. I have been with this band longer than any other musical group in my life. It is not a coincidence that the five years I've been a Fool have been the happiest five years of my adult life (which begins any day now, lol). My son got to see my band, got to see the joy I feel making music.

 

That was huge. The joy for me was just piling on...

And, although Alex's appearance was by far the biggest and most overwhelming surprise of the night, right before I went on with my set, I was surprised by a visit from best friends from downstate who specifically told me they wished they could make it but couldn't. Then showed up in Anonymous/Guy Fawkes masks. Set up, just like a bowling pin!

I was knocked out! So happy, I was bursting.

Best birthday ever.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   204.0 lbs.

Previous Weight (1/28):           205.0 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                   -  1.4 lbs.

Diet Comment

A low calorie day and a chart turn-around last night. Followed by an eighteen hour fast today, setting up a good weekend!

Food Log

Breakfast
Skipped.

Lunch
Skipped.

Dinner

Omelet with peppers, onion, greens, cheese and bacon. Not shown: A salad of kale, spinach and chard with cole slaw mix and balsamic vinaigrette.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 0;  Coffee:  0 oz.;  Water: 48+ oz. And, of course, lots of booze at my party

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#1589, Thursday, January 28: I am retired

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Post 1589, Day 28 of 2016
- 1,854 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

It's an ordinary day. I went to work. As has been the case lately, retirement was on my mind. Nothing like the beginning of a workday to stir retirement thoughts.

I cataloged a couple of the significant actions that were easing my transition:

The great Human Resources Retirement people had made this Sunday, the end of the month, my last official day. That gets me more money on my final paycheck, which will come two weeks from today.

The good people at the Social Security Agency defied every stereotype of government bureaucracy and called me to ask if I wanted to stick to my request for a February first start to my benefits, since I qualified for a January start to receiving benefits - giving me my first check February 1st instead of March 1st.

When I logged in, on an impulse, I took tomorrow as a sick leave day. I had just under five sick days in 'the bank' before, now I'm leaving just under four on the table.

This is my last day as an employee. At the end of the day, I'll be retired.

Between now and then, I have to finish packing (90% done), and make a few good-bye calls.

Except, just in the nick of time, I am sent a form to be filled out by various departments to get me clearance to leave. And all in the Medical Center, which happens not to be work location. Road trip!

I make my calls. I pack a couple of small boxes with what needs to go home with me.

It is a crazy-long tour of a rather large building. Finally, I hand in my badge. I exit at 3:54 pm.

Retired.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   205.4 lbs.

Previous Weight (1/27):           205.0 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                   +  0.4 lbs.

Diet Comment

A late night snack-binge does not, surprisingly, turn my recent weight gain around. Perhaps sleeping in tomorrow and minimal eating before the party will help!

Food Log

Breakfast
Green protein shake with almond-coconut milk, kefir, extra-large organic egg, chia gel, kale, celery, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, and stevia-inulin blend..

Lunch
Skipped.

Snack
A Quest bar.


Dinner
Sriracha chicken breast, Ezekiel 4:9 Flax bread, cottage cheese.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 1;  Coffee:  0 oz.;  Water: 68+ oz.  

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#1588, Wednesday, January 27: Fear itself (aka the Future)

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Post 1588, Day 27 of 2016
- 1,853 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Here is the problem with focusing your attention on anything but the present. As I've been writing about these last few days, my mind has been on events that will begin - should I survive the next couple of days - Friday night.

The cliche, which I happen to believe, is that all depression comes from living in the past, all anxiety from living in the future.

And, today, I have to admit that dwelling in the future, while packing up my work stuff and planning for Friday night, has been my mode. At least when I'm not playing music.

Today, I felt some anxiety for the future. This is ridiculous - I cannot foresee anything bad happening in the future - there is no threatening event looming.

Yet, there I was worrying about life after retirement, thinking about the unknowable future. Rationally, I have nothing to worry about... But that's what happens when you spend too long out of the present and in the future: Anxiety.

I have to say, things improved right after I wrote that, and nothing changed, except that I'd written it.

The joke's on me.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   205.0 lbs.

Previous Weight (1/26):           203.0 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                   +  2.0 lbs.

Diet Comment

Eating salty, high-calorie food late last night has hurt me, as far as weight management goes. It will take a few days to recover. Oh, well!

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch
At Core Greens and Grains:

Beef broth bowl with kale, spinach, chicken, broccoli, black beans, mushrooms, red and green peppers.

Snack
A Quest bar.


Dinner
Roast beef, cheese, and a salad with kale, spinach, chard, cole slaw mix and balsamic vinaigrette, and a Quest bar.

Snack
Cottage cheese, celery with home-made mayonnaise, sriracha chicken breast and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 1;  Coffee:  20 oz.;  Water: 64+ oz.; A shot of Jameson's Irish whiskey, neat. 

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#1587, Tuesday, January 26: Short-term future impinges

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Post 1587, Day 26 of 2016
- 1,852 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Only three days away, it seems impossible to ignore my birthday and simultaneous retirement.

Of course, I am responsible for that, having made the decision to retire on this birthday, throw a party, and publicize the event. I have friends counting down along with me for the last couple of weeks, too.

I'm not saying it is a bad thing that everything I am doing today somehow reflects a future event. It is a very near-term thing, and something that will happen if I don't die in the next three days. There are people who have to make plans around the event (at work, where the office manager is hovering, and for the friends who are performing at the party), and those people planning on attending my party.

For me, it means clearing out my cubicle, which, until today, had a full-size bookshelf full of all the technical books (95% irrelevant to my current job) that I had to pack and bring to Goodwill. That was an effort, and a fair amount of exercise. I don't like exercise.

It is an example of the future stealing from the present, something I try to avoid (except for any entertainment value it has).

But it is what it is, and I needed to escape, so I turn to music. Spent the evening at an open mic, played a bit, sang a song, didn't think about the future for a few hours, and enjoyed the time as though there were no future. There is no such thing as 'future' after all.

It only becomes a real thing when it changes into 'Now'.

Music reminds me of that.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   203.0 lbs.

Previous Weight (1/22):           203.4 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                   -  0.4 lbs.

Diet Comment

I managed not to eat too far off plan over the long weekend (I made it a long weekend by declaring Monday "No more working Mondays Day")!

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch
At Core:

Chicken Cobb salad (shredded kale and romaine, grilled chicken, avocado, bacon, hard-cooked egg and blue cheese dressing with a little sriracha). Not shown: A cup of beef bone broth.

Snack
A Quest bar.


Dinner
Celery with home-made mayonnaise and Shahi Rajma (red bean curry) with eggs on cauliflower.

Snack
Cheese, cole slaw and pork rinds.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 1;  Coffee:  20 oz.;  Water: 80+ oz.; A shot of Tullamore Dew. 

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#1586, Friday, January 22: Que sera, sera

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Post 1586, Day 22 of 2016
- 1,848 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I have gotten excited, and perhaps a little impatient, as my birthday and retirement party gets closer. It's one week from today.

At work, people have begun their scavenging, trying to get this or that little thing I will be leaving behind. Unfortunately for me, nobody wants my books, I'll be donating them, which will be good exercise. I don't like exercise.

I rewarded my effort (three trips up and down three flights of stairs with boxes of books) with an almost-free lunch at Ruby Tuesday, using my just-received birthday coupon. I don't know, exactly how they know my birthday is coming up, but, you know... Free food.

I'm beginning to get congratulatory emails at work - and complaints on the phone of the "What will we do when you're gone" nature. Which is nice, but there has been nothing out-of-the-ordinary about my service here for the last five years. There are exactly zero tasks that only I can accomplish, and other people have already been assigned my responsibilities, at least temporarily - I just don't know who they are. They are in a different and larger group I never joined because I'm retiring.

It's a vicious circle.

My party planning (pretty much already accomplished) has also been on my mind - mainly, the short set I'm going to do with some jamming friends. There are a couple of songs I wanted to do that, due to logistics, we haven't ever been able to play. Trying to figure out what to do about that...

Of course, this is a good example, as good as I can think of, of wasting time worrying about the future. Taking time away from 'Now' to dwell on the unknowable. The cause of all unhappiness is refusing to face the present exactly the way it is.

What will be, will be.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   203.4 lbs.

Previous Weight (1/21):           204.2 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                   -  0.8 lbs.

Diet Comment

Nice result for the end of the week!

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch

At Ruby Tuesday's:

Deluxe bacon cheeseburger, with spaghetti squash on the side. Not shown: Salads from the salad bar.

Snack
A Quest bar.


Dinner
Sriracha chicken and cheese.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 2;  Coffee:  24 oz.;  Water: 86+ oz.; And: a couple of shots of Jameson's Irish whiskey. 

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#1585, Thursday, January 21: Zombies don't write

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Post 1585, Day 21 of 2016
- 1,847 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

My after-work naps have been disrupting my sleep cycle.

That's really all I have today. Just that thought, because I'm pretty much a zombie after last night's open mic gig. It ended early, but I couldn't fall asleep and watched TV until, you guessed it, I dozed off in the middle of something so mindless I can't remember what it was.

The problem is familiar, I wrote about it just yesterday, but it is hitting me hard today.

And inhibiting my creativity.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   204.2 lbs.

Previous Weight (1/20):           203.8 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                   +  0.4 lbs.

Diet Comment

I woke up feeling full after a heavy late night snack of chicken and cheese.

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch
Two Quest bars.


Snack
Roast beef with Philippe's famous hot mustard.


Dinner

Omelet with peppers, onion, greens, cheese and bacon. Not shown: A salad of kale, spinach and chard with cole slaw mix and balsamic vinaigrette.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 2;  Coffee:  24 oz.;  Water: 80+ oz.; And: a nice pour of Jameson's Irish whiskey and a shot of Fireball. 

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#1584, Wednesday, January 20: Sleep when I retire, reaping what I sow

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Post 1584, Day 20 of 2016
- 1,846 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

The recent bad weather has turned me into a coward, staying at home for fear of winter driving.

I'm embarrassed by my timidity. I have friends still holding open mics, and other friends still going, but I have been staying home. I've been a little busy, but not much. 

Mostly, I use the time that would otherwise be spent playing and hanging out with fellow musicians to sleep. I do some computer work (like this blog, Quicken, stock spreadsheets, Facebook), a little guitar practice, and watch whatever I have DVR'ed. 

Usually, I fall asleep with the TV on (that's what happened last night), wake up four or five hours later, go to bed, spend some time on the computer before I fall back asleep. But sometimes I can't, which explains me sleeping from ten until 3 in front of the TV yesterday.

It's a vicious cycle I'm hoping to break when I retire. In fact, the idea of doing that (getting six-plus hours of sleep a night) is one of the principle reasons I'm retiring.

Of course, tonight I found out the karmic consequences of my failing to show up at some of my usual open mics the last week. Who will come out to mine?

Almost nobody.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   203.8 lbs.

Previous Weight (1/19):           202.8 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                   +  1.0 lbs.
Diet Comment

I expected this. Almond butter is great, but 8 ounces at midnight is too many carbs/ sugars. This is where self-control would be handy, but that would mean getting some.

Food Log

Breakfast
Skipped.

Lunch
At Core Greens and Grains:

Beef broth bowl with kale, spinach, chicken, broccoli, black beans, mushrooms, red and green peppers.

Snack
A Quest bar.


Dinner
Green protein shake with almond-coconut milk, kefir, extra-large organic egg, chia gel, kale, celery, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, and stevia-inulin blend.


Snack
Sriracha chicken and cheese.


Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 1;  Coffee:  0 oz.;  Water: 60+ oz.; And a shot of Jameson's Irish whiskey. 

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#1583, Tuesday, January 19: Bad weather, good old friend

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Post 1583, Day 19 of 2016
- 1,845 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Over the past three-day weekend, I got little accomplished. And I'm kind of happy about that.

It turns out, my excesses Friday night (I wrote about it in my last post) took their toll, and Saturday was a sleep-in, stay-in-bed, don't strain, don't sweat kind of day. It involved some time in bed with my computer, some time in the kitchen cooking my (in this case) meal of the day, a bit of time on guitar (I'm trying to play at least a little every day), and, finally, some television.

Too bad for me, because Sunday, the snow came. Light at first, and I did some grocery shopping before going to my friend who's convalescing from surgery, then on to what I wanted to be the first of two open mic stops.

While I was playing, I guess about halfway through, the weather got serious. Real serious - high winds and heavy snow. Moments of whiteout observed through the bar's windows. I abandoned my plans to attend the second open mic, stayed until nearly the end, though, waiting for conditions to improve. I made my exit when the winds died down.

I had big plans on Monday, but the snow continued, so nothing doing. A lot of lolling around.

I was finally forced to do some grocery shopping during my lunch hour today, even though there was still some snow. You all know I live in Syracuse, right? Snow is the norm until mid-April.

Meanwhile, I've been texting back and forth with my old and dear North Carolina friend. We had been estranged until last week. Now we're back, and, it seems, tight.

That's so good!

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   202.8 lbs.

Previous Weight (1/15):           203.2 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                   -  0.4 lbs.

Diet Comment

Same.

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar and a chocolate chip cookie.

Lunch
Skipped.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Dinner
Roast beef with Philippe's famous hot mustard, a wild salmon patty with guacamole, and a salad of kale, spinach, chard, cabbage, parmesan cheese and balsamic vinaigrette.

Snack
Half a jar of almond butter.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 1;  Coffee:  24 oz.;  Water: 66+ oz.; 

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#1582, Friday, January 15: Moondog's Lounge

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Post 1582, Day 15 of 2016
- 1,841 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

There's this sweet little club in Auburn, about twenty-five miles from Syracuse, called Moondog's Lounge.

It is run by a family and their friends. The manager/owner is a musician. The bar is regional: Wines are local, spirits from New York state (I had a New York Irish whiskey there that wasn't good, but the Bourbon is absolutely terrific). The food served is, in general, simple, with local ingredients.

The staff is great - they project an enthusiasm that really hits the mark with me: They appear to want to be there, want to make their customer's evening a success. After the first time that I played there, they knew my name, and always acted glad to see me.

Even better, it is one of the easiest gigs for a band to play. There's a stage with lights, drum, bass amp, PA, mics and Shane (or his father, when available) works the sound. All I have to do is bring my bass.

Tonight's I am Fool gig there was stellar. The band played well, the audience was enthusiastic, everything clicked! The band was totally charged up going in, and very happy coming out...

I dedicated a song to Emilie Zucker and her new bride (getting hitched in England as it was played, thanks to the time zone diff).

A friend of the band got a video of that on a phone. Here it is:

Vanilla - I am Fool at Moondog's Lounge, January 15, 2016

Have a good weekend.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   203.2 lbs.

Previous Weight (1/13):           203.0 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                   +  0.2 lbs.

Diet Comment

Same.

Food Log

Breakfast
Skipped.

Lunch
At Core:

Chicken Cobb salad (shredded kale and romaine, grilled chicken, avocado, bacon, hard-cooked egg and blue cheese dressing with a little sriracha). Not shown: A cup of chicken bone broth.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Dinner
At Moondog's Lounge: Grilled artisanal cheddar on sourdough bread with roasted red pepper-tomato bisque.

Snack
Quest bars.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 1;  Coffee:  0 oz.;  Water: 68+ oz.; Plus more than my usual amount (and over my limit), of delicious Hillrock Estates Bourbon whiskey.

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