#1459, Tuesday, June 30: Making music - a temporary cure for asshole-ness

Post 1459, Day 181 of 2015
- 1,642 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I can make good music with people who I find, in their non-music-making time, unpleasant.

As long as I'm not the object of their unpleasantness.

In that case, I choose to be elsewhere than their presence, whether it is music or anywhere else.

I actually have a lot of friends, for instance, whose politics I think are totally messed up - across the political spectrum. I believe (see previous posts) that people arrive at their political stances not for the reasons they use to rationalize and explain their views, but from unconscious depths.

America-haters, government-haters, Republican- and Democrat-haters, corporation-haters, racists and bigots, they all, as far as I'm concerned, miss the point. Many are completely consumed with the fear underlying their hatred.

And yet, if they leave me out of that drama, and they're musicians, I can compartmentalize.

I make music for the pure joy of creating 'beautiful' (or at least, good) ensemble music. It allows me to interact with other humans on a level that requires all to be present in the moment - or, at least, that's what's going on with me.

It's also why I don't do much with modern, anger-driven rock. No appeal for me as a performer or a member of the audience. But I digress.

The point is, all this past- and future-driven conflict ceases when you create good music.

That's why it's so important to me, and why the opportunity to engage this way has, for the last five years, replaced my need to live anywhere else.

PS: Happy birth date, Meriam Rose Gorfine Kellerman, born this date, 1924.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   209.2 lbs

Previous Weight (6/29):           210.6 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 1.4 lbs

Diet Comment

Weight loss from last week continues. Back to the trend line.

Food Log

Breakfast
Protein shake with almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, fermented coconut water, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, celery and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch

Salmon salad (Wild Alaska pink salmon, celery, mayonnaise) on baby kale, baby spinach, chard and cole slaw mix. Not shown: A home-made chocolate chip cookie.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Dinner
Cheeseburger on Ezekiel 4:9 Flax sprouted grain bread with cole slaw and guacamole and a Quest bar for dessert.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee: 24oz.;  3 Espressos;  Water: 102+ oz.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1458, Monday, June 29: Syracuse and me, six years ago

Post 1458, Day 180 of 2015
- 1,641 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Today marks six years since I moved to Syracuse.

I came here looking to restart my life - something I've done a few times, although usually there was more of a choice involved. I say that because for the almost-three months before this, I was broke, homeless, jobless and depressed at my circumstances.

I was feeling a lot of things that were based on fear, which means most of my feelings were irrational and came from worry about the future.

While I had the support of many friends - and the opposite from a few - it was one friend who saw an opportunity for me and turned it all around. He wasn't all that close a friend, just someone I'd met years earlier when I was working for Nortel, went to some of the same parties, played some cards with, before he moved on from the job, and I lost track of him, until he heard about my situation from the friend whose couch I was sleeping on.

He got me an interview with a company he was about to start working for, encouraged me, prepped me as best he could, then, literally walked me through the actual interviews.

I got that job, moved up two weeks after that interview, visiting friends and family along the way, and, beginning with less than nothing, materially (I had some things, but they didn't balance the debt I was in), with a month's room and board paid for by my new employer, rebooted.

My idea was to use the job to get back on my feet, and spend my time looking for work someplace else. I couldn't imagine living in Syracuse for long, because I'd never been to Syracuse before my interview.

Thirteen months later, that job disappeared, suddenly and unexpectedly, when the company got itself in trouble, put itself up for sale, and laid off half the workforce. By then, I'd introduced myself to the community of musicians up here, and found acceptance, and something of a social life.

I had turned my fortunes around - I had some savings, and was well on my way to retiring my fifty-thousand dollar debt load. I had completely purged my depression thanks to regularly playing music and having fun doing that.

I decided to stay in Syracuse, as first choice, being practical in my job search. The same friend (talking about you, Al Olin), having voluntarily changed jobs months earlier to work for the Federal government, guided me to my job at the VA.

My job at the VA has turned out to be the best job I ever had. Since starting there four-and-a-half years ago, I have completed my 'turnaround'. I have: Lost more than fifty pounds, started this blog, completely retired my debt, joined two bands, eliminated almost all my medications, put off my post-retirement plan to expatriate, and made an entire new batch of friends.

So, it's Happy Anniversary to me and Syracuse!

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   210.6 lbs

Previous Weight (6/26):           212.6 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 2.0 lbs

Diet Comment

I'm glad I got as much of a loss as I did. I ate pretty indulgently over the weekend.

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch

Roasted turkey breast chopped salad: shaved Parmesan cheese, baby kale, baby spinach, chard, cole slaw mix and balsamic vinaigrette.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Dinner
Cheeseburger on Ezekiel 4:9 Flax sprouted grain bread.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee: 24oz.;  4 Espressos;  Water: 102+ oz.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1457, Friday, June 26: On the conscious

Post 1457, Day 177 of 2015
- 1,638 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I have maintained for some time that conscious thought wasn't responsible in the main for our decisions, beliefs and positions. There's a new theory that says that consciousness is just a tool for transforming unconscious 'commands' into actions.

That explains a lot.

I did get a laugh because the article on the new theory (thanks, Andy) keeps using the words intuitive and counterintuitive to explain why the theory is difficult to grasp. (Think about it).

I think intuition, if it exists, is a perception of unconscious data that isn't getting translated to a thought or idea.

I have felt and expressed this in these Daily Comments.

Joan says we all write scripts in our head to explain what we're perceiving and that sounds right, too.

The implications for the concepts governing free-will are mind-boggling. "Who's in charge here?", you might ask yourself.

Have a great weekend.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   212.6 lbs

Previous Weight (6/25):           208.6 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 4.0 lbs

Diet Comment

Oh, boy. That's disappointing. A crappy cheeseburger and a lot of Quest bars at the end of the day, a little sleep deprivation, and we have one of the bigger one-day gains in years. It was very rare that when I had a cheat day, and eat my face off with carbs and other stuff, that I would see this kind of reaction the day after, and my only off-plan food of the day was a hamburger bun. OK, a big hamburger bun, but I only ate three quarters of it.

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch

Omelet with peppers, onions, baby kale greens, capicola, cheese and tomato oil.

Snack
Quest bars.

Dinner
Hummus and lentil chips with kale.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee: 24oz.;  2 Espressos;  Water: 98+ oz.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1456, Thursday, June 25: Fun with a fallacy

Post 1456, Day 176 of 2015
- 1,637 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Comedy is the difference between intention and action, right?

This is a follow-on from yesterday.

I frequently find humor in my own bumbling on this score. Watching how my best intentions sometimes, somehow, end up as slapstick comedy can be hilarious. Also, necessitate the need for releasing the tension this sort of thing causes.

Another thing that makes me shake my head and go "Hmmm!": People interpreting my intentions when I speak or act.

These have nothing at all to do with me, and everything to do with the other person checking what their motivation would be to say or do what I said or did. When the misunderstandings aren't tragic, they're hilarious.

Because people always ascribe their world view to everything they perceive. This fallacy has a name (according to Wikipedia, anyway: Psychologist's fallacy: An observer presupposes the objectivity of his own perspective when analyzing a behavioral event.

Funny stuff! .

Yeah, that's the ticket.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   208.6 lbs

Previous Weight (6/24):           208.6 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 0.0 lbs

Diet Comment

No loss, no gain, but just holding steady puts me below a rising trend line. I should work harder at turning that trend line down, I guess. That means losing about six pounds. Seems do-able, but not until after the Fourth.

Food Log

Breakfast
Protein shake with almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, fermented coconut water, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, celery and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch
Pepperoni and cheese and a kale, spinach, chard and cabbage salad with balsamic vinaigrette.

Snack
Quest bars.

Dinner
At Margaritaville:

Bacon cheeseburger and a mixed salad with blue cheese dressing. At least there was a show, a band I'm friendly with.

Snack
Quest bars.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee: 24oz.;  2 Espressos;  Water: 96+ oz.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1455, Wednesday, June 24: Thinking about thinking

Post 1455, Day 175 of 2015
- 1,636 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I'm not sure what the word is for knowing some right/true thing, and behaving as if it weren't so, but whatever it is, that word describes me, and, anecdotally, everybody else I know.

For instance, some of my behavior is based on my certain knowledge of mortality, but other behaviors defy that concept.

Similarly, I believe that attachment is the cause of disappointment, loss and suffering, but still form new attachments and still have attachments that give me pleasure.

Thing is, here in the material world, knowing a 'Truth' and acting on it are different things. However, even if your actions are not consistently aligned with your beliefs or knowledge, those times when you are in the moment point, or 'the now' or just plain Now and you do act consistently bring you rewards that don't end when the action is 'complete'.

That is the beauty of it. Those times when you are mindful inform your whole existence. Why? Because those times when you're not mindful tend to have their own built-in limitations, their own lessons of life.

Mindfulness is not a judge and jury, either. Very little that goes on in the present, when you're mindful and paying attention, requires much thinking. Things are good that way. Thinking gives rise to the 'I and thou' separation. Duality doesn't exist without thinking about it.

Yeah, that's the ticket.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   208.6 lbs

Previous Weight (6/23):           209.2 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 0.6 lbs

Diet Comment

We begin the regular post-weekend move to lose the weekend's weight gain.

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch
At Core:

Chicken Cobb salad (shredded kale and romaine, grilled chicken, avocado, bacon, hard-cooked egg, broccoli, mushrooms and bleu cheese dressing). Not shown: A cup of Hearty (beef and pork) bone broth.

Snack
Soft serve ice cream and a Quest bar.

Dinner
Pepperoni and cheese and a Quest bar.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   4 Espressos;   Water: 96+ oz.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1454, Tuesday, June 23: I "HEART" New York City

Post 1454, Day 174 of 2015
- 1,635 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I was talking with a friend yesterday, and mentioned I was setting a personal record for absence from New York City. He gave me a typical Upstate NY reply: "Good. You're better off."

I didn't extend the conversation with a reply more than a smile. People have different reactions to New York City, but it will always be home to me, and I always think about it affectionately.

Thanks to my parents, both Brooklyn-born, I was given a culture-lover's view of NYC (which I will be calling 'the City' henceforth). I was introduced to the City's cultural glory as a child: Museums, theater, music. Few of my friends, no matter where they were from, enjoyed as diverse and rich a cultural life as I did.

In fact, among my friends growing up, I spent much more time in clubs, theaters, bars, galleries and museums than almost any of my friends, and became the go-to guy or organizer for a lot of the cultural outings (high- and low-brow) from my mid-teens on.

I was also lucky enough to have a few friends who, while not as eclectic, introduce me to their individual cultural preferences, filling in gaps left by my parents' lack of interest in late-2oth Century popular music: Rock, soul, r&b, folk, blues, modern jazz.

Early on, beginning about age seven, I'd take a bus and subway to Manhattan from Queens and visit the NY Public Library, the Donnell library, the East- and West-side museums, specialty stores (I was into photography, stamps and music), and what events I knew about that had any appeal. It was allowed for kids to do stuff on their own back then.

Of course, I would get lost, but a phone call to my father, who had excellent knowledge of the City's geography and knew the transit system very well, would get me back on track, and roaming all over the City. By the time I was ten years old, I had traveled to all five boroughs on my own.

All these experiences growing up gave me a deep appreciation for the City. Lack of any negative incident (getting lost was the worst of it), and the wonderful feeling of independence my explorations gave me, brought me nothing but real appreciation and, dare I say it, love for the City of New York.

In my late twenties, when I moved out of the City to work for IBM in Duchess County (a decision made in part by its location within sixty miles of Times Square), I came back to the City almost weekly. When I moved six hundred miles away to North Carolina, I came back for visits at least three times a year, and usually more.
I only know a few people who took as much advantage of the City's cultural resources as I did.

Now, when I haven't visited in over seven months - longer than I've ever stayed away before, by months(!) - I miss it. It isn't that I turn a blind eye to the things that can make life there so difficult, I don't. But, as a visitor, non-resident, just the familiar side of tourist, most of those things don't affect me.

I miss New York. I have to come in soon - I'm thinking mid-July, after my regular birthday visit to Joan in a little over a week.

Yeah, that's the ticket.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   209.2 lbs

Previous Weight (6/22):           210.2 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 1.0 lbs

Diet Comment

We begin the regular post-weekend move to lose the weekend's weight gain.

Food Log

Breakfast
Skipped.

Lunch

Roasted turkey breast chopped salad: shaved Parmesan cheese, baby kale, baby spinach, chard, cole slaw mix and balsamic vinaigrette.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Dinner
Pepperoni and cheese and a Quest bar.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   4 Espressos;   Water: 116+ oz.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1453, Monday, June 22: Weekend recap

Post 1453, Day 173 of 2015
- 1,634 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I had a wonderful and full weekend enjoying the music of others, and putting in a lot of playing time myself. Father's Day came, and with it, a call from Alex, waking me up Sunday afternoon. The great start to a near-perfect day of playing and not much else.

But first: Alex, I'm really sorry. In my defense, your call woke me up and I was a little hung-over and too happy to be on the phone with you to think clearly about social niceties. Don't hold it against me.

OK, where was I?

Oh, yes, the music! Friday night I went out to hear friends' bands, as I usually do when I'm not gigging myself or too tired. Friday is often my too-tired night, but not this one. I made it to two out of the three gigs I wanted to attend. I was invited up to play/sing a little at the second gig.

I got a call before I got out of bed on Saturday, to sub at a benefit, then it turned into a Bradshaw Blues gig. The benefit was a huge barbecue for the Clear Path program for veterans, and as such, it was a pleasure to perform for the vets who are my customers on my day job. And, of course, it was a lot of fun. Unusually challenging, because the guitarist/singer was having a bad day remembering lyrics, chords and arrangements, which means lots of covering/recovering for the rhythm section.

I was pleasantly surprised to find out that the sponsors were actually paying the band! I would have done it for free, and thought I was. I would have donated the money, but I didn't find out about the pay until I was already setting up for the next gig with i am Fool.

That later gig with i am Fool was much-anticipated, but apparently, just by the band. Turnout was light, to be kind. Still, a lot of fun, and a lot of playing, because I ended up subbing on bass for the other band on the gig. I was onstage for most of the four hours of the entire gig.

That other band plays a very Zappa-esque, avant-garde mix of original hard rock tunes, so I had to use all my listening and playing skills. I also had to be somewhat conservative to fit my bass style in with their angular rhythms and not step on the other musicians' toes. It worked, everybody seemed really happy with the mix.

I didn't get home until after three, and didn't get to sleep until around four-thirty in the morning, Sunday. Next thing I knew, twelve-thirty and Alex is FaceTime video-calling to wish me a Happy Father's Day (sorry again).

A few hours later, I was off to a special Father's Day jam, got to play with some good friends, and got a steak dinner out of the deal, before running off to the next two open mics, and more playing time among new and old friends.

What a weekend!

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   210.2 lbs

Previous Weight (6/19):           206.6 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 3.6 lbs

Diet Comment

This weekend was too good a time, but bad for the diet.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch
A cocoa-hemp-kale protein shake (almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, fermented coconut water, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, celery and stevia-inulin blend.

Dinner

Cheese, baby kale, onions and peppers omelet with a salmon patty and cole slaw.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   22 oz. coffee; 3 Espressos;   Water: 80+ oz.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1452, Friday, June 19: Have a good weekend

Post 1452, Day 170 of 2015
- 1,631 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Although I have some things rattling around in my mind, nothing that strikes me worth writing about today. Have a grand weekend.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   206.6 lbs

Previous Weight (6/18):           207.8 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 1.2 lbs

Diet Comment

This week, I lost three pounds. Nice.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A cocoa-hemp-kale protein shake (almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, fermented coconut water, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, celery and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch

Chopped salad with salmon, baby kale, baby spinach, chard, celery and home-made mayonnaise. And a Quest bar (on the drive home).

Dinner
At a friend's: Grilled pork tenderloin, grilled brussels sprouts, zucchini au gratin, cole slaw, fresh fruit salad.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   3 Espressos;   Water: 80+ oz; A shot of Jameson's Select Reserve, neat.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1451, Thursday, June 18: Crazy politics

Post 1451, Day 169 of 2015
- 1,630 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Speaking of crazy, politics.

I am pretty much convinced that people come by their political points-of-view without engaging their conscious faculties. Instead, all intellect is applied to rationalizing their positions. If I had to guess, which I don't, most people's politics are the same as their parents... or the opposite.

Except, maybe, for extremists. I think there are other things going on with extremists (and, FWIW, I don't equate extremists with activists), mainly psychological problems that choose that form to make themselves known.

I no longer involve myself in political debate, and try to avoid getting involved with those who think it is their function to convince others to their political point-of-view. Because it doesn't work.

And it is annoying.

That's a change for me. I used to believe that you could debate somebody into changing their beliefs. How annoying was I? Probably, very.

Changing somebody's mind with an appeal to the intellect, and believing, as everybody does, that they know what is right and true?

Talk about crazy.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   207.8 lbs

Previous Weight (6/17):           209.6 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 1.8 lbs

Diet Comment

That's better! Also, I got a Nespresso espresso maker for my cubicle, so you'll be seeing less coffee, more espresso in my updates, beginning tomorrow (I got it after making my morning pot of coffee today).
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A cocoa-hemp-kale protein shake (almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, fermented coconut water, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, celery and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch
At Core:

Spicy Ginger Steak Greens Bowl: shredded kale, arugula, grilled steak, green and red bell peppers, sriracha, miso sesame ginger dressing, and added gorgonzola cheese.

Dinner

Scrambled eggs with peppers and onions and chicken-feta-spinach sausage. A Quest bar for dessert.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  28 oz.  1 Espresso. Water: 80+ oz.  and a shot of Jameson's Irish whiskey.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1450, Wednesday, June 17: Common Crazy

Post 1450, Day 168 of 2015
- 1,629 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

People are crazy.

I know, usually I stay away from controversy, but the idea that I am crazy, you are crazy and we are all crazy just now occurred to me.

That last statement isn't crazy, it's just a lie. I have believed in my own craziness and everyone else's for as long as I've had any notion of what crazy was. Given my family history, that's a long time.

I think it is relevant, because here in Syracuse, many people think odd things about me, like that I'm completely sane, or completely crazy. Of course, what they think is none of my business, but it is amusing to me, in a wry, detached, Moliere-absurd sort of way.

This is because I came here fairly and totally broken, and my history here has been one of recovery, with most of my local friendships commencing after a considerable amount of healing had taken place. No knowledge of my life before relocating here was known, and little has come to light.

So everything here lacks context. Reinventing myself in such a situation was that much easier.

Back to crazy: You really are! Me, too.

I celebrate our common bond.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   209.6 lbs

Previous Weight (6/16):           208.6 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 1.0 lbs

Diet Comment

Well, that's a little disappointing. My four Quest bars with a celery and mayonnaise kicker at midnight may be entirely responsible. If so, tomorrow will be better.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
Two Quest bars.

Lunch

Roasted turkey breast chopped salad: shaved Parmesan cheese, baby kale, baby spinach, chard, cole slaw mix and balsamic vinaigrette.

Dinner
Expecting to eat at the gig, I ended up skipping dinner, eating a Quest bar at the end of the night.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 72+ oz.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!