Post 1299, Day 300 of 2014
- 1,396 days since I started this blog -
- 1,396 days since I started this blog -
Daily Comment
I think, because this is little more than wallowing in the past, remembering and recreating negative emotions, that it represents perfectly what I believe about the source of depression and anxiety, which is exactly this sort of thinking.
It was harrowing.
I had to, deliberately and specifically, 'will' myself out of this self-destructive thinking. I did it, but not before self-loathing set in.
As someone who has suffered from clinical depression in the past, I recognized where this could go. If these thoughts got any traction, they could push me off the rails.
I did not allow these thoughts, once I realized what was happening, so their effect on me was brief.
But the episode reminded me that I am responsible for my thoughts, whether I am aware of their source (conscious reasoning) or not (bubbling up from an unknown/unconscious stimulus). I am responsible for my thoughts as I become aware of them.
I've heard it said that, until you reign it in, the mind is like a spoiled, rich kid. It is used to getting anything it wants. When you say no, the spoiled brat throws a little tantrum. Meditation is how you deal with that.
So, meditation helps with this, and, in fact, meditating when I checked out these thoughts was important. So was consciously letting go of the emotion, once I had wallowed, just a little.
The 'consciously letting go of the emotion' part is something I learned a while ago - it is a simple, powerful process, and it consists of examining a thought, trying to feel the emotion attached fully, then saying to myself or out loud (usually that also means to myself, anyway) that I am ready to let it go now. Sometimes, it has to be repeated a few times before I feel it working, but it always works.
That is what I did in this case. My little letting go ritual followed by a short round of meditation.
That did it, and I snapped right back to happy!
Food and Diet Section
Today's Weight: 209.6 lbs
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| 2014 Daily Weight |
Previous Weight*: 208.6 lbs
Day Net Loss/Gain: + 1.0 lbs
* Friday, Oct 24
Diet Comment
I gained a pound over the weekend. Given what I ate, which included some off-plan eating, I'm kind of proud of that! * Friday, Oct 24
Diet Comment
Food Log
BreakfastQuest bars.
Lunch
A cocoa-hemp-kale protein shake (almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (24g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, fermented coconut water, chia gel, celery, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon and stevia-inulin blend.
A Quest bar.
Dinner
At Ironwood:
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| A quarter of a personal pie, with fire-roasted chicken, bacon, prosciutto, basil, caramelized onions, mushrooms, cheese and sauce. Not shown: Gelato for dessert. |
A Quest bar.
Liquid Intake
Coffee: 28 oz. Water: 88+ oz. A BIG glass of Merlot.
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Yeah, i'm like that, too. I suspect that it runs in the family (either our immediate family, or more likely(judging from the evidence) the family of humankind). I deal with it pretty much the same way as you. although using a different methodology(my own synthesis of techniques). After a lifetime of dealing with, and surviving this depressive automatic thinking, it has become much easier to recognize when "I am in my head" thinking about imaginary egoistic, or past, or future concerns and return to the now, considering outwardly not inwardly.
ReplyDelete- Light - Love - Compassion -
I am trying kindness.
ReplyDeleteto myself, too
You both 'get it'. That makes me smile.
ReplyDelete