Post 1298, Day 297 of 2014
- 1,393 days since I started this blog -
- 1,393 days since I started this blog -
Daily Comment
Announcing intentions is kind of a trap. You are saying something about the future, and nobody really knows what is going to happen.
I'm not talking about things I said I would do for someone else - those are commitments, at least the ones I've made (as opposed those that have been imposed), and I honor them, at least, as best I'm able, and no excuses. This specifically involves my saying I wanted to get and learn to play the upright bass.
I said it, publicly, and repeated it a number of times privately, but just haven't been able to put anything together to get it done. I dipped my toe in and spoke to a number of people about buying one, and one teacher. I didn't hit it off with the teacher (just a vibe, nothing wrong there) and have let it drop since.
I don't get it. This is something I've wanted to do for decades, maybe even, with greater or lesser passion, for most of my life. I dimly remember a children's show on TV (black and white, so before my teenage years) with Stubby Kaye and his doghouse, and I loved that bass. It is a bucket list item.
I came close about 15 years ago, getting ripped off via E-Bay trying to buy one. Something always seems to get in my way. Of course, it's me getting in my own way, especially this time.
All I can think of, is that, somehow, I'm unprepared for this. That may be why I'm bothered by it, irritated by my failure to follow through.
I guess it is going to happen in its own time, but I feel like it's my time, and I'm impatient.
With myself.
Food and Diet Section
Today's Weight: 208.6 lbs
 |
| 2014 Daily Weight |
Previous Weight: 211.4 lbs
Day Net Loss/Gain: - 2.8 lbs
Diet Comment
I've been waiting for the big drop. There it is. Diet Comment
Food Log
BreakfastSkipped.
Lunch
A cocoa-hemp-kale protein shake (almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (24g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, fermented coconut water, chia gel, celery, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon and stevia-inulin blend.
A Quest bar.
Dinner
At La Piazza:
 |
| Lamb, pork, beef kabobs with Greek yogurt, home-made pita and tomatoes and onions. |
Coffee: 28 oz. Water: 88+ oz.
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This is the story of my life, til lately. Every night I told myself I would stay on a diet tomorrow and every day I didn't. I had to give that up but got fat. This also made me feel like a not very dependable person- like I couldn't count on myself. I just try to do the best that I can. When I learned the guitar, I didn't have to tell myself to practice and I don't remember having to tell myself to do things I want to do.
ReplyDeleteWhat is the difference between needs and desires? What is the difference between planning and improvising? What is the difference between playing music and performing music? What is the difference between a corporate CEO and a crop picker? What is the difference between a mushroom cloud and a cumulus cloud? What is the difference between using and loving?
ReplyDelete- Light - Love - Compassion -
DeleteNeeds (survival). Desires (pleasure).
DeletePlanning (formal map to desired result [see above]). Improvising (no processes in place, acting anyway).
Playing music = performing music.
Corporate CEO = crop picker (on a human scale, although it is very likely that the crop picker is wealthier humanistically, and the CEO is wealthier materially).
Mushroom cloud = death, cumulus cloud = rain (potentially).
Using = physically utilizing, Loving = everything else.
I wasn't sure what you were getting at here. I think what I was trying to say was that there are things I want to do that I block myself from, and don't know exactly why. I suspect it is because, for whatever reason, the task is desirable but not immediately accessible, and the obstacles seem (near term?) more daunting than the reward for overcoming them.
I can't really agree to the differences as you identified them. I am thinking from a different perspective. Playing an upright bass must have a special significance to you, that I am not cognizant of. Will you be a better human being, or will life be better, if you play an upright bass? I think that if it is needed for your being/self fulfilment, there would be no obstacles (including self created obstacles) that could deter you. On the other hand, ego's desires are never satisfied.
Delete- Light - Love - Compassion -
I think you are right, and I'm sorry if it seemed like I was making light of your comment - it is just how it struck me when I read it. I do believe playing upright is an insatiable ego thing - I am happy and healthy now, and I don't play upright bass. Still, it has been ricocheting around the inside of my head for so many decades now, I just felt, when I changed my mind about relocating immediately when I retired, that there were no barriers to realizing this unnecessary desire. I wrote about the unexpected internal (and rather passive-aggressive) pushback I got after trying to set the wheels in motion on this.
ReplyDeleteAssumption is a tool of the devil
Delete- Light -
You see, right there ^ is a truth. Assumption is like magical thinking. My mind uses assumptions to fill in gaps in my reality, then celebrates the few times I'm right as if they are proof of my magical mind-reading abilities.
Delete