#1430, Tuesday, May 19: Kicking the can down the road

Post 1430, Day 139 of 2015
- 1,600 days since I started this blog -

May 17, 2015 at Bridge St. Tavern

Daily Comment

In recent years, I have been allowing myself little downtime. When I do have some, I 'waste' it, vegging out.

That is important time to me. First of all, it usually leads to sleep, which is needed, because my after-work activities generally short sleep-time.

And I realized something else about this lack of sleep time: It has affected my meditation, or at least, gotten me out of my regular schedule.

That's not good. I think meditating regularly has been one of the best things I do, and a major contributor to my happiness. However, I haven't been practicing as regularly as I once did. I actually stopped my every-morning meditation (not that I don't meditate, just not every morning, and over time, it has become a minority of mornings) during my last year's Los Angeles vacation.

This is, to me, the most obviously negative result of not sleeping enough at night - waking up tired, and disrupting my morning wake-up routine. 

When I start meditating, some mornings, I fall asleep; or, more typically, lying in bed in a not-sleeping but not-awake state, I just daydream the time away. Not the same as meditation. There is no mindfulness component, no awareness component.

I don't have a solution, yet. I'm hoping, when I retire, the lack of having a morning schedule will solve the problem. I know that is kicking the can down the road, but it is currently my best plan.

To be honest, that is among the top of many things I am putting off until retirement. The others are: Upright bass; getting rid of (most of) my possessions; and regular exercise.

So it goes.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   206.8 lbs

Previous Weight (5/18):           206.8 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 0.0 lbs

Diet Comment

Holding. Would have been down except for late-night munchies.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
Two Quest bars.

Lunch

Roasted turkey breast chopped salad: shaved Parmesan cheese, baby kale, baby spinach, chard, cole slaw mix and balsamic vinaigrette.

Dinner

Cheeseburger and sides of cole slaw and quinoa. 

Snack
A couple of Quest bars.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 116+ oz. 

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1429, Monday, May 18: Being here now saves the day

Post 1429, Day 138 of 2015
- 1,599 days since I started this blog -

May 17, 2015 at Bridge St. Tavern

Daily Comment

When I was very young - single digits young - my mother used to scream at me. She would, literally, get in my face, like a drill instructor. It was, of course, quite terrifying.

I adapted. Disassociated. Went blank. Limp. Passive.

Of course, that just made her angrier, but for me, it was a good coping device.

Later on, I found it useful. I dissociate myself from the drama of being afraid, when a sudden, fear-provoking situation arises. I don't do as well with more protracted situations, but that's another story.

Being calm in emergencies is a benefit to getting them resolved. Once, while driving on an elevated section of the BQE, the back seat of my VW caught fire (a loose battery cable shooting sparks was the cause), and the car filled with acrid smoke. The woman I was with started screaming for me to pull over, when there was no place to pull over. I calmly told her to roll down the window and stick out her head to avoid the smoke. Then, as soon as I found a place for it, I pulled over, lifted the smoldering back seat up, saw the problem, and put out the fire (by pissing on it, if you have to know). The woman said it was one of the coolest things she'd ever seen.

After i am Fool's show on Saturday, while we were packing up, J. ended up lying on his back on the floor. Nobody saw him go down. He didn't lose consciousness, although I would describe him as 'out of it'. Looking at his color, taking his pulse in a few places, and the fact that he could speak, wasn't nauseous, wasn't experiencing pain so much as weakness, and with some knowledge of his history (from previous conversations, a while back) I figured this was an 'episode' like others he had had over the years. He was dehydrated, and it took him quite a while, and a few tries, before I could get him into my car, to drive him home or to a hospital (which he insisted was unnecessary).

I was 'dead' calm. In the next half hour, I avoided the drama of the situation, and dealt with what was going down, maintaining a constand dialog with J. to hear anything he had to say about what he was feeling, and the situation at hand, real-time. I used what was going on, what was happening, to determine my very next action.

And didn't look too far ahead. I was afraid, sure. I was concerned for my friend. In the end, I drove him home while someone followed behind in his car. During the ride, I kept him focused on drinking water and staying alert, and by the time we got him home, constantly reevaluating whether my destination was home or a hospital, he was pretty obviously recovering.

We ended up after a number of decision points, heading home, as, minute by minute, he recovered. Soon, he was recovered enough to call his wife and have a conversation, reassuring her (she'd been called from the gig about what was going on) that the episode was past, and that he had an upcoming doctor's appointment, where it would be further dealt with.

Once again, staying focused in the present saves the day.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   206.8 lbs

Previous Weight (5/15):           207.8 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 1.0 lbs

Diet Comment

For the record, I don't know why I didn't gain weight, weekends are usually a time to gain weight. Not complaining, but it doesn't figure. This weekend wasn't particularly low in anything, including off-plan stuff.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch
A cocoa-hemp-kale protein shake (almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), celery, raw organic cacao powder, fermented coconut water, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon and stevia-inulin blend.

Snack
From CORE, a cup of Hearty (beef and pork) Bone Broth.

Dinner

Cheeseburger with guacamole. Sides of cole slaw and quinoa. And a Quest bar.

Snack
Pepperoni and celery with homemade mayonnaise.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  24 oz.   Water: 96+ oz. 

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1428, Friday, May 15: Another problem to be grateful for

Post 1428, Day 135 of 2015
- 1,596 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

If time isn't real - just a perceptual construct - then the need for a calendar should be purely aesthetic.

I have a fondness for all things numeric. Including calendars, and budgets. I remember numbers better than names (I can still remember my original New York State Driver's license number, which I last used in 1986, and not since: K05432955081212-50). I make spreadsheets for fun. And, I have done my own taxes, tracked my expenses against a budget since the early eighties.

Others, though, aren't like that. Most others. Especially musicians.

I forget that all the time. I keep a calendar for myself of course. I have also created calendars for the bands I'm in to track gigs and availability. Of course, I am dealing with other people who aren't that organized, and who don't like numbers much.

In the last few days, Chad (Bradshaw Blues) has booked three gigs that I can't play. In every case, I had put my unavailability on the group calendar. But that only helps if that calendar is used.

Chad is pissed off about it, though. He didn't check the calendar, didn't know I couldn't play those gigs. He made plans he felt good about, I screwed them up, now he's upset with me.

He knows there are going to be conflicts between Bradshaw Blues and i am Fool. He also knows that those conflicts will not be resolved in his favor. I made that clear the first time he asked me to play with him, and he agreed. No new news.

Of course, he doesn't like it and doesn't have to. I wouldn't be happy with the situation, either, which is why I told him straight off that it was a condition of our playing together. I have been fired from bands who agreed to this condition, but changed their minds the first time a conflict came up.

So it goes. Chad will get over it. I get over that stuff (Chad's anger) pretty quickly these days. The time to get over this kind of thing is approaching 'real-time' for me.

It's something else I'm grateful for. I'm also grateful for being so busy that occasionally I have to make choices about what to do - It's good to have to choices to make.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   207.8 lbs

Previous Weight (5/14):           210.0 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 2.2 lbs

Diet Comment

A kilo down, and below the trend line. Nice.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch

Omelet with peppers, onions, baby kale greens, capicola, cheese and tomato oil.

.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Dinner

A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  0 oz.   Water: 120+ oz. 

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1427, Thursday, May 14: Facebook still sucks

Post 1427, Day 134 of 2015
- 1,595 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I haven't recently mentioned how much I dislike the digital world.

One of the things I don't like is that it provides very little context for new information. Serial communication and lack of emotional tone fosters misunderstanding.

My vacation from Facebook was pleasant. It lasted only a few days until a Facebook conversation among the other members of i am Fool, who thought I could still see Facebook, created a problem where I was the only one who didn't know a band practice was canceled.

I created a new id.

I asked the six people who I'm in bands with to be my Facebook friends. I got in on a few band posts, and the 'friend' requests started pouring in.

Ando so it started. And it wasn't long before I remembered it still sucks, and it is still a time toilet.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   210.0 lbs

Previous Weight (5/13):           208.8 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 1.2 lbs

Diet Comment

A blip. Today, much better.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A cocoa-hemp-kale protein shake (almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), celery, raw organic cacao powder, fermented coconut water, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch

Snack
A cup of beef bone broth from CORE, and a Quest bar.

Dinner
Pepperoni and a Quest bar.

Snack

A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  24 oz.   Water: 96+ oz. 

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1426, Wednesday, May 13: Why I stick around here

Post 1426, Day 133 of 2015
- 1,594 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

After my gig with Bradshaw Blues, I stopped in at one of my old favorite open mics, that happened to be on my way home.

I did a set on acoustic guitar, singing some of the songs from my list. The response was really positive.

In fact, by request, I played a few encores.

Then the host (a bass-playing friend) asked me to stay on stage and play bass for a set, then asked for another song.

I love this town.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   208.8 lbs

Previous Weight (5/12):           212.2 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 3.4 lbs

Diet Comment

Weekend recovery is on track.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch
At Ling-Ling's Chinese Buffet and Grill:

Brussels sprouts, kimchee, and, from the "Mongolian Grill", my go-to dish: pork and chicken with cabbage, onions, mushrooms, green peppers and broccoli. Not shown: Soft serve ice cream cup.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Dinner
At the Ridge:

That's the bacon basket there on the left, and on the right is a Caesar salad burger with sweet potato fries.

Snack

A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 90+ oz. A shot of Jameson's Irish whiskey.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1425, Tuesday, May 12: Song list

Post 1425, Day 132 of 2015
- 1,593 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I've been making a list. A list of songs I want to sing.

When I started, the purpose was to identify songs to play in a typical four-song open mic set. Of course, from the beginning, there were more than four. I wanted to have options when I selected a set.

I still haven't learned to sing and play all the original seven or eight songs on the list. But my selections have gone over very well when I've performed them. Very gratifying.

My performance is very low key. Since I can't feature guitar work (my playing is rudimentary, to be kind), I focus on sparse accompaniment for my vocal that emphasizes the song. 'Selling' the song is an old-fashioned concept from the days before musicians wrote their own material. You would take someone else's song and perform it with the goal of listeners buying the sheet music to play. People used to make their own music, and were looking for good material the way A&R men did when the music business became the recording business.

I may or may not ever actually sing all the songs on the list - some of them have a lot of words, and I don't memorize stuff easily any more.

But the list is made up of songs I'd like to sing. Well-written songs; those whose song-craft I appreciate. It is, of course, a personal thing. Something about the song (and there are no new songs - the timeline of my songs ends sometime in the 1970s) moved me. Every song is one I wouldn't mind playing on bass, of course.

But, in some cases, the song moved me, has associative meaning for me, and those are the songs I choose. In some cases, the vocal or instrumental line is too difficult, and that song gets jettisoned from the list. In most cases, there is a clever or moving lyric. My ability to sing the song is kind of irrelevant. As on bass, my emphasis is on feeling, not technical craftsmanship. And this isn't meant to be a commercial endeavor, it is another bit of self-gratification.

But maybe I can bring it to clubs. Maybe I can put together a little fake book of forty or fifty songs and their chords, that I can use to jog my failing memory, and play my songs on stage, do some one-man shows, fill in some open nights. I might even make a little extra money.

Although, every endeavor I've ever pursued with the goal of making money has ended painfully (at least, until I got my job with the VA. We'll have to wait (no more than nine months, though) to see how that ends).

So, I can't think about the money angle. It's irrelevant, anyway. Not why I'm doing it. A perk, if it ever happens.

The most surprising thing (at least to me, as I consider the list), i show few of the songs are not from the rock-pop world. Only a couple of soul tunes among what I would otherwise consider 'deep cut' AOR (album-oriented rock). Very few bona fide hits, too.

Something to think about.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   212.2 lbs

Previous Weight (5/11):           213.2 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 1.0 lbs

Diet Comment

I was pretty sure no matter how badly I ate yesterday, it would be better than any day on the weekend, and, although I ate a lot of food, I was right.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A cocoa-hemp-kale protein shake (almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), celery, raw organic cacao powder, fermented coconut water, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch

Scrambled eggs with peppers and onions and chicken-feta-spinach sausage.

Dinner
Pepperoni and cole slaw and a Quest bar.

Snack

Pepperoni and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 96+ oz.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1424, Monday, May 11: Weekend review

Post 1424, Day 131 of 2015
- 1,592 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

What a weekend!.

Friday's show went well, although it wasn't my best night playing - I spaced out on several arrangements, including some where I went back to mistakes I corrected years ago - but that didn't dim my joy one bit in the long run.

The weather was perfect: seventy degrees and clear. The deck/bar we were playing at had a good crowd even while we were setting up. Throughout the evening, people arrived and left, and at the end there was still a good-sized audience, now requesting more songs! At one point some middle-aged men formed a chorus line. Later, a conga line snaked all over the deck, and eventually seemed to include the majority of the audience.

We sold some CDs, and people asked us throughout the night where we were from, where they could hear us. It was a dream gig for me, and we will be doing three more before the end of Summer! I'm psyched.

Next morning, I drove to Croton Point Park for Jeanne and Gary Shaw's Renewal of Vows ceremony and party. Again, the weather cooperated. It was one big love-fest, with more than seventy people in attendance, and the ceremony, which consisted of a little dance skit with costume surprises, followed by Gary and Jeanne telling the story of how they first got together, and concluded with my part, all went very well. People were fully engaged.

My part went very smoothly, and Gary and Jeanne really liked it. People came up to me to compliment me on it the rest of the afternoon. My response was, "Thank you! Not bad for a bass player, right?"

The amount of food (it was a pot-luck) that was laid out was incredible. Just a huge amount, and I have to say, it looked so good that I overate, and then overate again before the party ended.

My after-party was in Woodstock, visiting old friends from my Clearview days (here's an amazing thing that occurred to me: I only lived in Clearview for eleven years! Amazing how those particular years (age four to sixteen) have stayed with me for the next fifty) who have a second home there. We had a great dinner, and hours of wide-ranging conversation after. I was exhausted and went to sleep (after practically nodding out mid-sentence) early for me.

Another beautiful day, breakfast on the patio (big breakfast. Oh!). then the ride back up, a little nap, and a long couple of sets at an open mic - I never got to the next one, and even so, didn't have an early bed-time.

That brings us to today, when I'm feeling fat and happy, and, of course, grateful for the fun I am having. And you are up-to-date.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   213.2 lbs

Previous Weight (5/8):            209.2 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 4.0 lbs

Diet Comment

Considering the large quantity of food I ate with a high sugar and carbohydrate content from Friday, onwards, I'm not surprised to see my weight up near the year's highs, only weeks after getting to the year's lows. Time to lose some weight now.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
Skipped.

Lunch

Roasted turkey breast chopped salad: Parmesan cheese, baby kale, baby spinach, chard, cole slaw mix and balsamic vinaigrette.

Snack

At CORE: a cup of beef bone broth.

Dinner

Turkey sloppy joe over broccoli with shaved parmesan, and a Quest bar for dessert.

Snack

Pepperoni and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 106+ oz.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1423, Friday, May 8: Nothing to say.

Post 1423, Day 128 of 2015
- 1,589 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Nothing coming to mind today. Amazing how quiet things are, and how much extra time I have, without Facebook.

Have a good weekend, everybody. See you all when I put up Monday's post.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   209.2 lbs

Previous Weight (5/7):            208.2 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 1.0 lbs

Diet Comment

I am not surprised, considering how far off the reservation I went last night. Nor would I be surprised if I gained some over the weekend. But I'm making sure that, except for the booze, everything was good, eating-wise, for the day.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
Skipped.

Lunch

Roasted turkey breast chopped salad: Parmesan cheese, baby kale, baby spinach, chard, cole slaw mix and balsamic vinaigrette.

Dinner
Quest bars. Celery. 

Snack

Quest bars.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 116+ oz. and a shot of Jameson's Irish Whiskey.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1422, Thursday, May 7: Facebook typo from Hell

Post 1422, Day 127 of 2015
- 1,588 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

At last night's gig, I wanted to check in and comment/promote, because the crowd was light.

For a reason I don't know, Facebook asked me to re-log in (I hadn't logged off, as far as I knew). No problem. But then, it asked me to confirm my name. So I typed in my name. Wrong, as it turned out. Did Facebook not accept it? Did Facebook lock me out for not knowing my Facebook name? No. Facebook changed my name to the typoed version.

So, I went to change it back.

But I couldn't change it back. Facebook has an apparently iron-clad rule that you can only change your name once every 60 days. I spent two hours late last night, and couldn't get anybody at Facebook (to be fair, if there are humans in tech support, they are protected from the public as if they were ICBMs - I never had any human contact).

Without a way to post under my actual, desired and long-standing name on Facebook, I looked at my options.

And deactivated my account.

Facebook has been very useful. Through it, I was able to get in touch with friends from the past. It was also very good at promoting my music up here in Syracuse, especially when I was just getting going. And it has been used by i am Fool as the primary group communications hub.

It has been the source of some amusement, but it has also been frustrating, in that I have seen it promoting racism, people-shaming, fascism, corporatism and all kinds of negativity I don't wish to see. It hasn't been useful for advertising my bands, although the bands keep doing it, with the same poor results.

If I miss it after 60 days, I'll reactivate.

It isn't worth the aggravation.

Buh-bye, Facebook! You're a time-toilet, but you were useful.

Not that useful, though.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   208.2 lbs

Previous Weight (5/6):            207.0 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 1.2 lbs

Diet Comment

With all the restaurant eating - and desserts - this weight gain is no surprise. Today is the day to reverse the trend.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A cocoa-hemp-kale protein shake (almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), celery, raw organic cacao powder, fermented coconut water, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch
Skipped.

Dinner 

Second Nature Wholesome Blend: peanuts, cashews, almonds, raisins, cranberries and dark chocolate. Between 5pm and 11:30 pm, I ate the whole bag.

Snack

Pepperoni and celery.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 104+ oz.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1421, Wednesday, May 6: Dream come true

Post 1421, Day 126 of 2015
- 1,587 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I am so excited! A club we were booked at ran into a BMI problem (I don't understand, but it is irrelevant to the good thing that came out of it), and canceled all its cover band shows (okay, that isn't a good thing, but a good thing came out of it). The club mandated that i am Fool play all original material, and only originals.

That is the good thing that came out of all that business darkness with the club and BMI.

I feel like I've been rewarded for my patience. This is something I've wanted to do since joining the band. This is my vision (all right, the vision actually looks more like we're playing at the old Fillmore East than on the deck of a local bar, but I don't imagine the how, just the what) for the band from day one.

It isn't that I don't like covers. I do. I like almost 90% of the covers my band does, and of those, I like the way about 90% sound (so I like a little more than 80% - math major). And, not being a writer myself, I sing nothing but covers, when I sing.

So, no prejudice against doing covers, for the most part, although I don't like 'tribute' bands or concerts. I always want musicians expressing themselves, not other musicians' selves, so being faithful to a recording doesn't interest me (personally). Not to say I don't appreciate and applaud the musicianship it takes to do that, I'm just not personally attracted to it.

But I digress: I actually really like J. Brazill's writing (he has been the writer of all the original tunes I joined the band to play, although, as of this gig, we are adding two originals by Tamaralee Shutt, our utility backup singer and instrumentalist. A surfeit of creativity in this band). The first time I heard them (as a bass-less trio), it was J.'s original songs that attracted me to the band and made me want to join.

I don't want to get ahead of myself, but rehearsal last night (we haven't played some of these originals in a long time, and Tami's, ever) was one of the most fun rehearsals ever for me.

I need to let go of my excitement, a little. I am, in fact, getting ahead of myself, enjoying something that hasn't happened, living in the future, the source of all anxiety. But, at the same time, I am happy now that this is on my horizon. Happy dilemma.

So - I am, again, always, grateful. I cannot believe my good fortune, a wish come true, and it is difficult not to joyfully anticipate this weekend - an ideal playing situation Friday night, an exciting event and party Saturday (when I officiate Gary and Jeanne's renewal of vows).

What a life! So grateful!

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   207.0 lbs

Previous Weight (5/5):            205.4 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 1.6 lbs

Diet Comment

All that bread, all that cheese - my Cinco de Mayo celebration food - and all that weight gain. Today is unlikely to make matters better, with my regular lunch restaurant date, discovery of a great new healthy restaurant near home and work, and dinner at one of my favorite restaurants.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
Skipped.

Lunch
At Ling-Ling's Chinese Buffet and Grill:

Brussels sprouts, kimchee, and, from the "Mongolian Grill", my go-to dish: pork and chicken with cabbage, onions, mushrooms, green peppers and broccoli.

Snack

At CORE:

Spicy Ginger Steak with Quinoa Bone Broth Bowl (hearth bone broth, grilled steak, quinoa, broccoli, carrots, scallions, slivered almonds, ginger, cilantro, sriracha).

Dinner 
At Eskapes: 

A "BST Salad" with blackened salmon (BST is bacon, spinach and tomato). Not shown: A slice of Lemon Mascarpone cake.

Snack

Two Quest bars.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  26 oz.   Water: 100+ oz. and a glass of Pinot Noir.

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!