#1388, Friday, March 13: Tree, root, mind, blown.

Post 1388, Day 72 of 2015
- 1,533 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Thinking again about time perception, and cause and effect. Our perception of time is a subjective matter - there is only one time, it is 'right now', the present, but our attachment to sense perception means that we are unaware of the present until it is past, and we are in a different present.

Of course, it's a continuum, but it also means there is only that one time - only the present. It is only the present where a thing happens. We must, to a degree, become unaware of things happening to appreciate the present, ever. This is the paradox: We may also become 'present' by focusing our awareness on things happening as they do.

So: Only one time, now. But then, what about cause and effect? The relationship between cause and effect is one that requires they happen at different times. First this, then that. Both can't happen at the same 'now' instant.

So, they are an illusion. One that in some instances, can seem backwards, if our view of time is as subjective (and wrong) as I think. Most effects have not one, but a complex network of causes.

Like the roots of a tree. We see an effect, and look at the causes, all the tiny events that had to happen to create that effect, each with its own network of causes to create it.

It's as though, instead of sending down roots, a tree grows up from the roots, root cause, tree effect.

Mind blown.

.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   208.6 lbs

Previous Weight (3/12):           207.4 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 1.2 lbs

Diet Comment

I ate badly yesterday. Funk'n'Waffles was next to a dinner gig I was playing, so I stopped in to say hello to friends. Since I wouldn't be eating until after my gig, I ordered a favorite as a snack. After the gig, and dinner, I went back and had a beer (while listening to a killer James Brown tribute band). Then, at home, late, the inevitable Quest bar. Sigh. Weight is up today, its highest this year.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch
At Ling-Ling's Chinese Buffet and Grill:

Brussels sprouts, kimchee, and, from the "Mongolian Grill", my go-to dish: pork and chicken with cabbage, onions, mushrooms, green peppers and broccoli. Not shown: Dessert Quest bar.

Snack 
A Quest bar.

Dinner 
Pepperoni and eggs and cole slaw.

Snack 
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 114+ oz.  

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1387, Thursday, March 12: More nothing

Post 1387, Day 71 of 2015
- 1,532 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

This is my second day, speechless.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   207.4 lbs

Previous Weight (3/11):           206.6 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 0.8 lbs

Diet Comment

The penalty for last night's bad behavior wasn't as bad as I thought. Today's another day, right?
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A cocoa-hemp-kale protein shake (almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), celery, raw organic cacao powder, fermented coconut water, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch

Roasted turkey breast chopped salad: baby kale, baby spinach, chard, cole slaw mix, black beans and balsamic vinaigrette.

Snack
At Funk'n'Waffles: 

Bootsy Brunch: 1/2 a bacon-stuffed waffle with two eggs and cheddar cheese.

Dinner 
At Small Plates: A quinoa and kale salad (with pomegranates and walnuts) and beef bruschetta (toast points not eaten).

Snack 
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  36 oz.   Water: 84+ oz.  and a nut brown ale (no idea what brand).

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1386, Wednesday, March 11: When you have nothing to say...

Post 1386, Day 70 of 2015
- 1,531 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I really couldn't think of a topic to write about today, so I didn't.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   206.6 lbs

Previous Weight (3/10):           207.8 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 1.2 lbs

Diet Comment

Well, a little loss to counter the unaccountable gain of yesterday. Not quite enough. I fear tomorrow's weigh-in will not be pretty, given the way the day ended.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
Ezekiel 4:9 Flax sprouted grain toast with guacamole.

Lunch

Roasted turkey breast chopped salad: baby kale, baby spinach, chard, cole slaw mix, black beans and balsamic vinaigrette.

Snack 
Peppers, onions and eggs.

Dinner 
At Eskapes: 

A "BST Salad" with blackened salmon (BST is bacon, spinach and tomato). Not shown: A slice of Lemon Mascarpone cake.

Snack 
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  36 oz.   Water: 114+ oz. A glass of Pinot Noir and a Sam Adams beer.  

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1385, Tuesday, March 10: Missing the planning

Post 1385, Day 69 of 2015
- 1,530 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I'm beginning to miss the idea of escaping the US on retirement.

As much as I try to avoid it, news keeps getting through to me. None of it is promising. All of it is fear-filled. A lot of it makes me think nobody but stupid people make news.

And all this news, regardless of the source, seems to indicate that the US is circling the drain.

And none of it, in my personal, day-to-day life, can be confirmed or disproven.

I recently read that whether Americans become Liberals or Conservatives isn't a matter of rational thought about politics and governance, but a matter of non-political personality factors. If you have grown up in fear, you're going to be Conservative, and cling to values you know (usually from your parents) and will resist change, whether or not that change favors you. Otherwise, you're going to be Liberal, and embrace change, whether or not the outcome of that change favors you.

I assume it applies to me. I believe in a safe Universe, and I try not to base any decisions on fear. Which puts me on the Liberal spectrum.

Except that I hate the yin-yang false political labels, and don't want to be politically involved at all.

Decision-making is influenced by so many factors we are unconscious of - consciousness processing being a small percentage of what influences our behavior, that change cannot be well-directed. I always think of it as an arrow shot in the dark - you hope it finds a target that will make things better, that's the direction you point it to, but realize that you don't know what change will be effected, and know even less about the consequences of change.

The influence of the 24-hour news cycle, accompanied by commercial consumerism means that I don't trust that the information, that I'm being manipulated, and driven further away from understanding, not towards it. 'News' needs to be avoided.

Information that conveys fear needs to be avoided. All the information that I get about living in the US makes it seem like it isn't a good place to live.

I used to have fun with my indefinitely postponed expatriation plans.

I miss that.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   207.8 lbs

Previous Weight (3/9):            206.2 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 1.6 lbs

Diet Comment

I'm surprised at this little bump up. Didn't see that coming yesterday.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A cocoa-hemp-kale protein shake (almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), celery, raw organic cacao powder, fermented coconut water, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch

Eggs scrambled with baby kale, chard, spinach, peppers and onions, spicy tomato oil, and a side of bacon.

Snack 
A Quest bar.

Dinner 
Wild-caught salmon and cole slaw. And a Quest bar.

Snack 
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 104+ oz.  

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1384, Monday, March 9: Forgive all flaws

Post 1384, Day 68 of 2015
- 1,529 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Have I mentioned before that Daylight Savings Time is not my friend?

The 'Spring ahead' deal does nothing but give me a one-hour shortened day that, historically, has taken weeks to recover.

As my physiology changes with age, I chronically sleep less, partly because I stay out late playing on work nights. This is my doing. It has become habitual, and affects me even when going out isn't a factor.

DST makes my all-the-time sleep deprivation worse by an hour.

I may not be coping well with this lack, because I haven't figured out a solution that doesn't entail reducing my playing time or retiring now. The incentives to keep playing (joy) and keep working (money) are too attractive to let lost sleep interfere.

What to do? Basically, I just excuse or forgive myself for doing what I love and selling my time to enable me doing more of that other thing.

I forgive myself for all the things that I screw up from being sleep-deprived, such as forgetfulness, impulsiveness, overeating, general sloppiness. At least in part because they aren't one-source screw-ups. It's more complicated than that.

In short, I forgive everything, including lack of sleep. I forgive the United States for Daylight Savings Time - and Standard Time, as well.

Forgiveness just feels better.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   206.2 lbs

Previous Weight (3/6):            207.0 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 0.8 lbs

Diet Comment

A little loss over the weekend. I'm not surprised by the direction or the amount.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A couple of Quest bars.

Lunch

Roasted turkey breast chopped salad: baby kale, baby spinach, chard, cole slaw mix, black beans and balsamic vinaigrette.

Snack 
A Quest bar.

Dinner 
Pepperoni and cole slaw. And a Quest bar.

Snack 
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 112+ oz.  

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1383, Friday, March 6: Sounds like aging

Post 1383, Day 65 of 2015
- 1,526 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I am beginning to wonder, myself, about why I don't listen to recorded music for pleasure any more.

What I mean by that is I don't play music at home much.

I listen to music, usually accepting whatever is on the radio, while I'm driving. But at home, not so much.

I think the reason is digital fatigue.

That's a guess, but I know that since I left my records and phono-playing equipment in North Carolina when I moved (not having enough room in my POD or my next apartment for this equipment, gave it all away) I have listened less and less to music.

I have always thought analog sounded better than digital. Analog is consistent with the way we 'hear' - analog distorts when things get too loud. Digital distortion happens in the soft, hard-to-hear, lower volume ends of things (and the distortion of the too-loud is catastrophic and bears no resemblance to the just-a-little-lower-volume sounds that precede it).

Of course, we also can't hear 'raw' digital music. Recorded music has to first be digitized, then converted back to analog. No matter how bad analog recording is, it is the way the original is made (not counting synthesizers, a whole other essay).

I think, on a subconscious level, listening to digital music (everything I hear these days) is fatiguing, and undercuts the pleasure I used to get pre-digital

I don't think, by the way, that it is age- or hearing-related, for a few reasons. First of all, my hearing loss predates digital by about a decade or more. Secondly, I can still tell the difference between analog and digital music when I compare (don't get the chance that often any more, but back in the day, it was easy). All right, it could be that I'm just getting old.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   207.0 lbs

Previous Weight (3/5):            207.0 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 0.0 lbs

Diet Comment

I'm surprised to not see a weight gain today. Surprised and somewhat relieved.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch

Eggs scrambled with baby kale, chard, spinach, peppers and onions, spicy tomato oil, and a side of bacon.

Snack 
Pepperoni, celery and home-made mayonnaise.

Dinner 
A berry-hemp-kale protein smoothy (frozen strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, cherries, almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, whey powder (45g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), fermented coconut water and stevia-inulin blend) And a Quest bar.

Snack 
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 112+ oz.  And a glass of beer.  

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1382, Thursday, March 5: Contact

Post 1382, Day 64 of 2015
- 1,525 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I'm connected to a lot of people, in many different ways.

Connection is important to me; it may be a life's study to see the infinite number of ways people connect with each other.

I try and do my part in maintaining any connections formed, but the physical part of connecting with other people - being in their presence, or just communicating with them - sometimes gets lost in the noise of everyday living. Sometimes, lost for years, decades.

I've come to believe, though, that these connections are (like everything?) a form of energy.

Which means that they follow the 'laws' of energy - they can't be destroyed. They exist, even if only as potential, even if only as the bio-neurochemical processes of memory.

Connections you make with other people may be transmuted or transformed in some way, but they stay.

I would posit that this is the reason why I get so much pleasure when a dormant friendship is renewed. It doesn't have to be an 'important' or 'close' friendship. I see somebody I haven't seen in a while, I get a happy rush.

And by a while, I mean the time it takes between contacts. One day or four decades.

The rush of recognition is a heady thing.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   207.0 lbs

Previous Weight (3/4):            205.6 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 1.4 lbs

Diet Comment

The anticipated weight gain (that I might have avoided by forgoing a beer and the snack that followed later) shows up today.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A cocoa-hemp-kale protein shake (almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), celery, raw organic cacao powder, fermented coconut water, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch

Roasted turkey breast chopped salad: baby kale, baby spinach, chard, cole slaw mix, black beans and balsamic vinaigrette. A Quest bar for dessert.

Dinner 
Bacon-burger on 4:9 Flax bread with sauteed onions and peppers and a Quest bar for dessert.

Snack 
An after-dinner recording session that lasted well into the night undid what would have been a very good day: Pepperoni, popcorn(! first time in decades, too salty and I  couldn't stop), then, to cut the salt, another Quest bar. No weight loss tomorrow!

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 112+ oz.  

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1381, Wednesday, March 4: Depth not required

Post 1381, Day 63 of 2015
- 1,524 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I haven't played bass in over a week. Every time I've planned on doing so, the weather has interfered.

Because I'm only interested in playing in an ensemble. I don't particularly enjoy playing on my own any more. I do it when I need to (learning new material). Only.

Part of my joy in playing is being 'forced' to pay attention to what is happening real time, by needing to listen to the other musicians I'm playing with, and it doesn't happen when I'm playing alone. Playing alone I think too much. Thinking is a problem when I'm delivering my bass lines, but a necessity to work them out.

The other thing about playing bass is that I don't memorize bass lines. At least, not deliberately. I always allow myself to respond to something going on in the moment in a 'new', in-the-moment way.

This emphasis on ensemble is typical of the way I socialize, too. I don't do the same things or behave the same way in the company of other people as I do when I'm alone. I keep those worlds separate.

The downside socially, I think, is that people have some difficulty getting to me in any way other than superficially. I will answer any questions anybody asks, but only volunteer personal info when it is relevant to a given topic of discussion. And, these days, I don't spend that much time in conversation. I admit, I miss that, and do enjoy it when it happens, but don't do much to make it happen.

Similarly, my ensemble playing doesn't call attention to what I'm doing, it just is what it is, supporting the song and the other musicians, not stepping out to demonstrate whatever bass-playing skills I have developed. I'm not a standout bassist. I don't make any best-bass-player lists around here.

Fine with me. I'm just glad for any opportunity I have to play with other musicians. And I'm grateful for the friends I've made, even though they may not have a deep understanding of me.

It all seems to work.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   205.6 lbs

Previous Weight (3/3):            205.6 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 0.0 lbs

Diet Comment

Holding. I'll be lucky not to gain some weight today.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A cocoa-hemp-kale protein shake (almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), celery, raw organic cacao powder, fermented coconut water, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch

Salmon salad (Wild Alaska pink salmon, celery, mayonnaise) on baby kale, baby spinach, chard, black beans and cole slaw mix.

Dinner 
Bacon-burger on 4:9 Flax bread with sauteed onions and peppers and a Quest bar for dessert.

Snack 
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 96+ oz.  And a glass of beer, to be sociable.  

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1380, Tuesday, March 3: The antidote to disappointment

Post 1380, Day 62 of 2015
- 1,523 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

A shitty day at work. Band bullshit - a canceled gig, angry people. Weather, already the worst Winter in Syracuse history, continues to suck.

For only the fourth time in over four years, I worked late.

Throughout the day, I've been taking those deep, cleansing breathes, releasing the bad energy that comes along with the opposition that comes from things not going the way you want. I have a specific releasing exercise I do.

I am so grateful for today's lessons. I am on the receiving end of so many gifts, not the least of which is the gift of breathe itself.

I have an amazing job. Until today, I'd worked late only three other times since I started this job in December 2010. Every other job that I've had, I would be happy if I'd only worked late three times in a month.

I love my bands. I am so lucky to be able to play with people I both like and respect. And I have learned so much playing with them, and always look forward to it. So many times in the past, I have not felt this way about the people I've played with.

And, while it is true that the bad weather has slowed me down, slowing down has given me an opportunity to do some things I haven't had time for, and even catch up on a little sleep.

Gratitude is the antidote to bad feelings.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   205.6 lbs

Previous Weight (3/2):            207.0 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 1.4 lbs

Diet Comment

Lost back most of the weekend weight gain in one good day.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch

Tuna salad and baby kale, baby spinach, chard and cole slaw mix.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Dinner 
Roasted turkey on 4:9 Flax bread with guacamole, plus cole slaw and a Quest bar for dessert.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  28 oz.   Water: 80+ oz.  

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!

 

#1379, Monday, March 2: A lesson in humility

Post 1379, Day 61 of 2015
- 1,522 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Over the weekend, a couple of members of the band finished the tracks for our first song for the next CD. I got to hear a rough mix, then a few more refined mixes.

I have a bit of a dilemma now. My opinion of the result isn't good. It is overproduced. To my ears, the overall balance is up-tilted and sounds thin to me. The original rhythm section tracks are buried beneath added percussion.

I'm sure that it is exactly the way J., the songwriter, lead singer, and main guitarist wants it. It is his arrangement, he was involved in every aspect of the recording and mixing.

My biggest objection is that it doesn't sound like the band to me. At least, not the i am Fool that performed this particular song for the last two years. To me, it doesn't sound particularly good. The song is good, the playing is good, but there are too many layers, a lot of tacked on stuff - nothing that the band could ever do in performance. It is like a beautiful Christmas tree that is so overdecorated that you can barely see the branches; it has become a shiny pile of tinsel and ornaments.

In the studio, I have no input, beyond laying down the bass line. That's the beginning and end of my role. I am not producing, I did not contribute to the writing. My few suggestions have been ignored.

What to do? Nothing. Unlike the last CD, this is not my project, not my vision. I'm participating because I know the song, and can play the bass line (which I created).

I have not been asked to contribute more than the bass track. In fact, more than twelve studio hours were spent on this, plus another dozen or so by J. at home, setting the track levels (twenty-six tracks). I spent less than five minutes laying down my one track, and fifteen minutes listening to different mixes when all the tracks were done.

Even though my opinion of the latest mixes is requested, I have nothing constructive to add. I am not being asked if I think this vision of the recording serves the song. I am being asked how I think it sounds. Since my objection is not to the musicianship or the quality of any specific track, but to the writer's vision of how the recording should sound, expressing my misgivings is the opposite of constructive.

There are so many reasons I feel wrong about this issue. For one, I am being judgmental, and my judgment is as invalid about this as judging anything ever is. And, in this case, irrelevant anyway. I have to get over my egotistical desire to control and influence everything I touch. I have to get over my desire to determine my place in the end result. Control is almost always illusory. In this case, I don't even have the illusion of control.

I needed to release my attachment to a self-defined result from my 'action' (my contribution to this recording). Before I did that, I thought of all kinds of stupid things I could do to address my frustration and lack of on-my-terms participation.

Release it I did. It should have been easier, but it was good.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   207.0 lbs

Previous Weight (2/27):           205.2 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 1.8 lbs

Diet Comment

I didn't think I was bad this weekend, but a bunch of mixed nuts yesterday might have been too much.
 

Food Log

Breakfast
A cocoa-hemp-kale protein shake (almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), celery, raw organic cacao powder, fermented coconut water, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch
Two Quest bars (stuck in a meeting, no lunch).

Dinner 
Salmon burger on 4:9 Flax bread with sauteed peppers and onions, and cole slaw and a Quest bar for dessert.

Liquid Intake
   Coffee:  24 oz.   Water: 80+ oz.  

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!