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Post 1814, Day 42 of 2017
- 2,234 days since I started this blog -
- 2,234 days since I started this blog -
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| From Reverend Ken's Birthday Bash and Survivor's Ball: "Starry Night" |
I have a dilemma.
For the last month, I have been practicing with a guitarist and drummer I met when I was looking for projects at the end of last year.
They are both very nice guys, but the music isn't what I hoped it would be.
For the last two sessions, I have come away with the feeling that I didn't want to do this any more.
But I also felt that I might be elitist, snobby - that there was, in fact, something there worth developing, and that my ideas about the relative quality of 'my' music were getting in the way.
It's a conundrum. I know I am feeling a conflict between what I am hearing and what I want to hear that isn't based on me controlling things, but of a set of expectations about what happens when good musicians get together with a common goal. But expectations are limiting, and mine seem to be getting in the way of my enjoying what's happening with these guys, who I like, but somehow can't get it together. It's a feeling of discomfort. It isn't gelling. It isn't sounding musical to me.
What makes it worse, is that I was just on the other end, fired from a trio when the other guys weren't comfortable and felt it wasn't gelling. Is this just my response to that? Is it just that I want to be on the other side, and, having been rejected, reject someone else?
I want to know what lesson I'm supposed to be learning in this situation. There is one - there is always one when you feel conflicted like this. Is it patience? Is it how to be of service? Is it to figure out what the kind thing to do is?
I know in the past, when I've quit on something or someone, some group, I've had regrets, at least briefly. I'm going to let this run a while longer - see if I get more clarity.
Nonetheless, I'm grateful to have these choices.
For the last month, I have been practicing with a guitarist and drummer I met when I was looking for projects at the end of last year.
They are both very nice guys, but the music isn't what I hoped it would be.
For the last two sessions, I have come away with the feeling that I didn't want to do this any more.
But I also felt that I might be elitist, snobby - that there was, in fact, something there worth developing, and that my ideas about the relative quality of 'my' music were getting in the way.
It's a conundrum. I know I am feeling a conflict between what I am hearing and what I want to hear that isn't based on me controlling things, but of a set of expectations about what happens when good musicians get together with a common goal. But expectations are limiting, and mine seem to be getting in the way of my enjoying what's happening with these guys, who I like, but somehow can't get it together. It's a feeling of discomfort. It isn't gelling. It isn't sounding musical to me.
What makes it worse, is that I was just on the other end, fired from a trio when the other guys weren't comfortable and felt it wasn't gelling. Is this just my response to that? Is it just that I want to be on the other side, and, having been rejected, reject someone else?
I want to know what lesson I'm supposed to be learning in this situation. There is one - there is always one when you feel conflicted like this. Is it patience? Is it how to be of service? Is it to figure out what the kind thing to do is?
I know in the past, when I've quit on something or someone, some group, I've had regrets, at least briefly. I'm going to let this run a while longer - see if I get more clarity.
Nonetheless, I'm grateful to have these choices.
Food and Diet
Today's Weight: 203.1 lbs.
Previous Weight (2/10/17): 203.6 lbs.
Net Loss/Gain: - 0.5 lbs.
Diet Comment
Pretty good weekend! I'm back to 'stepping' in the right direction.
Food Log
Breakfast
5:15pm, at CoreLife Eatery:
Lunch
5:15pm, at CoreLife Eatery:
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| Tuna poke salad with: Kale, cabbage, quinoa, cucumber, carrots, scallions, ginger,edamame, avocado, tuna poke, sesame seeds, almonds and miso-sesame dressing. Not shown: A cup of chicken bone broth. |
9:45pm: London broil with Philippe's famous hot mustard, and a Quest bar.
Dinner
12:05am: Pepperoni, mozzarella cheese and carrots.
Liquid Intake
Dinner
12:05am: Pepperoni, mozzarella cheese and carrots.
Liquid Intake
Espressos: 0; Coffee: 0 oz.; Tea: 0 oz.; Water: 56+ oz.
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