#1476, Monday, July 27: Below-/sub-/un-conscious disruption

 Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you! 

Post 1476, Day 208 of 2015
- 1,669 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

It was kind of a weird weekend, emotionally. I didn't feel down, but there was definitely a disturbance in the Force.

I knew something was off when I couldn't get into my meditation Friday morning. I just couldn't 'drop down' into that state that usually comes very easily to me. That continued Saturday and Sunday, too. I couldn't really pin down the reason why.

Friday night, I had plans to go out, but I was just too tired, and it didn't happen. I didn't get much rest, either, but tiredness manifested in munchies all night. Not good for me.

Saturday afternoon I had a gig at a private party, and my internal unrest again made itself known in an old-fashioned and unwelcome way: I ate a lot of off-plan stuff, really working my unconscious. I couldn't even think of what, but ended up with a bag of take-home that I should have (and on other days, other circumstances would have) thrown out, instead of eating all the dessert things on the way home, then eating the Quest bars I had brought to avoid exactly what happened.

Again, there were things to do Saturday night, but I was just feeling wasted and didn't do anything, in the hopes that my lethargy and tiredness would respond to a good night's sleep.

But, Sunday brought more of the same. I went to an afternoon open mic to try and 'upset' the routine. I walked through the door, and it was like Norm walking into Cheers. I was announced! Still, arriving only a few minutes after the open mic had started, I was so far down the list of players, I knew my turn wouldn't come around. Disappointing, but I was there, supporting live music (good music, too, for the most part).

Sunday evening, played in two open mics, including an acoustic guitar and vocal set I'd just as soon forget - lots of wrong chords, and a sup-par vocal rendition. I couldn't wait to get off stage. It seemed like I couldn't shake the blues.

Then came some relief. Two really good sets at my longest-attended local open mic, the one that launched me in Syracuse. The entire weekend melted away in the deep rhythm pocket I was feeling, playing two excellent sets. I'm not bragging, I was only a small part of what happened, there were seven other musicians playing, including a horn section that was just killing it.

It was right after I finished those great sets that I realized what had thrown me off. Then, I was finally able to just release the tension that harboring this discomfort below the level of awareness had caused for preceding three days.

It was that loathesome gig at Margaritaville.

Since I have at least two more gigs booked there, I will need to be better prepared for the soul-sucking experience, and not let it throw me off. If I didn't think I could do that, I would have to cancel the gigs, leaving my co-musicians, who apparently have a different experience, gig-less. That is not how I roll.

But, for me, it just isn't really worth it.

Of course, there is another option: Get over it!

You're paid to perform, just do it, it's still making music, it isn't, no matter what your (my) ego says about its worth and value, and the setting. Take your pay, be happy!

Maybe the answer is somewhere in the middle: Do the gig for what it's worth, then snark about the place after.

But let it spoil anything after the gig is over?

That is ridiculous.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   212.0 lbs

Previous Weight (7/24):           207.8 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 4.2 lbs

Diet Comment

Whoa! I blame this unusual weekend weight gain on my emotional turmoil, which, when faced with the available food at a private party gig Saturday, I was... out of control. Really, it started with Friday's off-plan eating. Just a bad weekend. I'll have to fix that this week.

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch

Roasted turkey breast chopped salad: shaved Parmesan cheese, baby kale, baby spinach, chard, cole slaw mix and balsamic vinaigrette.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Dinner
Wild-caught salmon burger with cole slaw and a Quest bar.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 3;  Coffee: 24 oz.; Water: 96+ oz.;

Please leave a comment if you visit my blog. Thank you!