#1480, Friday, July 31: Future due to arrive on schedule

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Post 1480, Day 212 of 2015
- 1,673 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Another busy weekend ahead. Gig tonight, party concert tomorrow. Jams Sunday.

With exactly 26 weeks left to retirement, I think about what will change when I don't have to be at work in the morning?.

The only thing I can think of that might change once I no longer have a job to go to 43 hours a week is not setting my alarm to wake up, and not having to leave early, when I am going to the same places I've been going for fun.

But when I start thinking a little more about it, I come up with other ideas, but just as quickly shoot them down. The fact is, I don't know how it will play out.

That's part of the fun, and, maybe for some people, cause for anxiety, because the unknown (which the future totally is) is where fear comes from.

I am not sure what it will be like. I start to indulge in thinking about the future, and quickly go ambivalent.

I could worry, I could fantasize, but it's going to arrive its own way, unfold as it will.

Or I could get hit by a bus tomorrow. Nobody knows the future. 

So, bring it!

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   208.0 lbs

Previous Weight (7/30):           208.6 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 0.6 lbs

Diet Comment

Nachos with cheese? Really? I'm lucky the rest of the day was very on-course.

Food Log

Breakfast
Two Quest bars.

Lunch
Roast beef and cole slaw.

Dinner
Organic ground turkey sloppy joe over broccoli.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 3;  Coffee: 24 oz.; Water: 80+ oz.; a shot of Jameson's.

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#1479, Thursday, July 30: Six months and counting down!

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Post 1479, Day 211 of 2015
- 1,672 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Yesterday was so busy, I didn't realize until today that it marked exactly six months from my retirement.

Just numbers, future, meaningless. Except it is surprising, even amazing to me.

Even the idea that I have lived long enough to write that retirement is close has me shaking my head at the wonderment of it!

My inability to predict the future at any time in my life has been fairly well documented. Among the things I was unable to predict are surviving past thirty(then forty, fifty and sixty). Just never saw that coming.

For the last twenty years or so, I have been investigating a retirement at some non-USA location. But I didn't predict or expect that my life in Syracuse would be so satisfying that I would want to stay around after the time when I would retire.

I am open to whatever happens between now and then, and after, too. With my historic inability to see things before they actually happen (sometimes not then, either), I don't think I will wake up to a different life on January 30th. 

I think the biggest change will be not setting my alarm any more. Maybe there will be some more activities like those I've been doing in my non-employee (recreational) time, maybe some new ones. Recreational time will be all the time.

 We'll all find out together.

(Cliche alert!) Life is full of surprises. My ticket to happiness seems to lie in relaxing my attempts to control a future I have shown I cannot foresee, let alone control.

So far, so good.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   208.6 lbs

Previous Weight (7/29):           209.0 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 0.4 lbs

Diet Comment

A mild day yesterday, a mild loss today.

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch
At Core:

Chicken Cobb salad (shredded kale and romaine, grilled chicken, avocado, bacon, hard-cooked egg, broccoli, mushrooms and bleu cheese dressing).

Snack
A medium soft serve chocolate-vanilla twist in a cup.

Dinner
Two Quest bars and some nachos with cheese.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 3;  Coffee: 24 oz.; Water: 64+ oz.; a shot of Jameson's Special Reserve.

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#1478, Wednesday, July 29: Too-busy day...

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Post 1478, Day 210 of 2015
- 1,671 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

What a day! So busy, I didn't have time to write.

Much of the busyness was work. It was a rare day where from the moment I got in until the moment I left, work occupied every bit of my time. Even lunch time was busy eating then chores.

While some circumstances, notably the ones that elicit autonomic physical reactions like fear or arousal, may in fact temporarily alter someone's mood, those are exceptional and can be controlled with practice.

After work, went to an open mic in a beautiful outdoor setting, but didn't get to play. That happens when I get there a little late and find a long list of performers already signed up. In this case, very busy. I left after a couple of hours and went to another open mic where I knew I would be able to play, even arriving late, and, it too was over-crowded. Luckily, one of the performers asked me on their set, or, again, no playing.

Happens a lot, and it never bothers me. I get more playing time in an average week than anybody else I know.

While I was waiting, I got a call to sub the next night - as bass chair in the house band of my favorite open mic.

Life is busy.

And life is good.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   209.0 lbs

Previous Weight (7/28):           208.6 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 0.4 lbs

Diet Comment

Late night snacking (especially cheese, with its extra dose of salt) (especially in the silly quantities I consume at the end of a good night) does it again. Boo.

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch
At Core:

Steak, bacon and bleu cheese salad: Chopped romaine + mesclun mix, grilled steak, bacon, cranberries, walnuts, tomatoes, gorgonzola, and bleu cheese dressing with a touch of sriracha.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Dinner
Roast beef and a Quest bar.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 3;  Coffee: 24 oz.; Water: 86+ oz.; a glass of fresh lemonade; a shot of Jameson's Irish whiskey

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#1477, Tuesday, July 28: Lesson learned

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Post 1477, Day 209 of 2015
- 1,670 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

A day after I figured out the problem I had all weekend (the one that had me out of the zone when trying to meditate, and also eating emotionally), I now feel guilty and embarrassed about my reaction.

I let some nonsense - in this case, feeling that a club in a mall, a crass commercial venture, but one that was willing to pay me to play, was somehow responsible for my bad mood.

While some circumstances, notably the ones that elicit autonomic physical reactions like fear or arousal, may in fact temporarily alter someone's mood, those are exceptional and can be controlled with practice.

Nothing else I can think of overrides our ability to control our thoughts and, therefore, our moods.

In fact, it was all on me. The club didn't take the gig, it was offered to me by someone who wanted to play it because it pays pretty well. I took it, knowing what the club was, knowing where it was, knowing its theme.

All on me! I created the bad mood. And, in  a rare moment of denial, let it ruin most of my weekend. To quote birthday boy Bugs Bunny, "What a maroon!"

So it is a learning experience for me. Chastising myself, seeing the lesson learned, I move on.

I forgot to be grateful. I'll do better next time.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   208.6 lbs

Previous Weight (7/27):           212.0 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 3.4 lbs

Diet Comment

Snap back! Getting back to good eating and hydration does it again!

Food Log

Breakfast
Protein shake with almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, celery and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch

Salmon salad (Wild Alaska pink salmon, celery, mayonnaise) on baby kale, baby spinach, chard and cole slaw mix.

Dinner
Roast beef, bacon and eggs with cheese.

Snack
Cheese.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 3;  Coffee: 24 oz.; Water: 80+ oz.;

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#1476, Monday, July 27: Below-/sub-/un-conscious disruption

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Post 1476, Day 208 of 2015
- 1,669 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

It was kind of a weird weekend, emotionally. I didn't feel down, but there was definitely a disturbance in the Force.

I knew something was off when I couldn't get into my meditation Friday morning. I just couldn't 'drop down' into that state that usually comes very easily to me. That continued Saturday and Sunday, too. I couldn't really pin down the reason why.

Friday night, I had plans to go out, but I was just too tired, and it didn't happen. I didn't get much rest, either, but tiredness manifested in munchies all night. Not good for me.

Saturday afternoon I had a gig at a private party, and my internal unrest again made itself known in an old-fashioned and unwelcome way: I ate a lot of off-plan stuff, really working my unconscious. I couldn't even think of what, but ended up with a bag of take-home that I should have (and on other days, other circumstances would have) thrown out, instead of eating all the dessert things on the way home, then eating the Quest bars I had brought to avoid exactly what happened.

Again, there were things to do Saturday night, but I was just feeling wasted and didn't do anything, in the hopes that my lethargy and tiredness would respond to a good night's sleep.

But, Sunday brought more of the same. I went to an afternoon open mic to try and 'upset' the routine. I walked through the door, and it was like Norm walking into Cheers. I was announced! Still, arriving only a few minutes after the open mic had started, I was so far down the list of players, I knew my turn wouldn't come around. Disappointing, but I was there, supporting live music (good music, too, for the most part).

Sunday evening, played in two open mics, including an acoustic guitar and vocal set I'd just as soon forget - lots of wrong chords, and a sup-par vocal rendition. I couldn't wait to get off stage. It seemed like I couldn't shake the blues.

Then came some relief. Two really good sets at my longest-attended local open mic, the one that launched me in Syracuse. The entire weekend melted away in the deep rhythm pocket I was feeling, playing two excellent sets. I'm not bragging, I was only a small part of what happened, there were seven other musicians playing, including a horn section that was just killing it.

It was right after I finished those great sets that I realized what had thrown me off. Then, I was finally able to just release the tension that harboring this discomfort below the level of awareness had caused for preceding three days.

It was that loathesome gig at Margaritaville.

Since I have at least two more gigs booked there, I will need to be better prepared for the soul-sucking experience, and not let it throw me off. If I didn't think I could do that, I would have to cancel the gigs, leaving my co-musicians, who apparently have a different experience, gig-less. That is not how I roll.

But, for me, it just isn't really worth it.

Of course, there is another option: Get over it!

You're paid to perform, just do it, it's still making music, it isn't, no matter what your (my) ego says about its worth and value, and the setting. Take your pay, be happy!

Maybe the answer is somewhere in the middle: Do the gig for what it's worth, then snark about the place after.

But let it spoil anything after the gig is over?

That is ridiculous.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   212.0 lbs

Previous Weight (7/24):           207.8 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 4.2 lbs

Diet Comment

Whoa! I blame this unusual weekend weight gain on my emotional turmoil, which, when faced with the available food at a private party gig Saturday, I was... out of control. Really, it started with Friday's off-plan eating. Just a bad weekend. I'll have to fix that this week.

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch

Roasted turkey breast chopped salad: shaved Parmesan cheese, baby kale, baby spinach, chard, cole slaw mix and balsamic vinaigrette.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Dinner
Wild-caught salmon burger with cole slaw and a Quest bar.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 3;  Coffee: 24 oz.; Water: 96+ oz.;

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#1475, Friday, July 24: A dearth of problems, a bounty of joy

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Post 1475, Day 205 of 2015
- 1,666 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Yesterday was so busy, wake-to-sleep, that I didn't have time to write a comment... That bothered me.

But when I thought about it a little bit, I was grateful. Very. You see, the worst problem I had yesterday was that I was paid to do something that brings me joy.

While it was in a place I consider the most tacky, plastic and soul-less place (Margaritaville) in the place I consider the most tacky, plastic and soul-less place in Syracuse Destiny USA Carousel Mall), if I closed my eyes, it was just me and a time-challenged folk-guitarist playing.

Concentrating on matching his internal sense of time kept me engaged and distracted me from my surroundings.

Even better, when we were done, I went out to an open mic, and played with an eclectic group of original musicians making music that was challenging and completely new to me. I heard it came out all right.

When I reflect on all this, I marvel how things have fell together for me here, and how I am enjoying such abundance and bounty.

It's a miracle. I believe in miracles, because I'm so grateful to be a beneficiary. Or maybe my belief in gratitude manifests itself that way.

Tricky, huh? Chicken or egg?

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   207.8 lbs

Previous Weight (7/23):           210.0 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 2.2 lbs

Diet Comment

If I ever really want to lose weight (again), something like yesterday's food consumption, consisting of Quest bars and eating at Core, would doubtless be the easiest way to do it. Not the cheapest, but definitely the easiest.

Food Log

Breakfast
A Quest bar.

Lunch
Roast beef and a salad (baby kale, baby spinach, chard, shaved parmesan and cole slaw mix with balsamic vinaigrette). And a piece of birthday cake.

Snack
Celery, home-made mayonnaise and a Quest bar.

Dinner
Grass-fed beef burger with fried onions on Ezekiel 4:9 Flax sprouted grain bread and a Quest bar.

Snack
Quest bars.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 3;  Coffee: 24 oz.; Water: 72+ oz.;

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#1474, Thursday, July 23: No comment

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Post 1474, Day 204 of 2015
- 1,665 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

This was just one of those days when I was too busy to get to write. It's not a bad thing, I went from work to a gig, from the gig to a jam.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   210.0 lbs

Previous Weight (7/22):           207.4 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 2.6 lbs

Diet Comment

I expected this gain, and I expect a loss tomorrow, as I am gigging at the worst restaurant I know of. Anywhere. I'm not a Jimmy Buffett fan, he's okay, but Margaritaville restaurants? The worst. I won't be eating there.

Food Log

Breakfast
Two Quest bars.

Lunch
At Core:

Chicken Cobb salad (shredded kale and romaine, grilled chicken, avocado, bacon, hard-cooked egg, broccoli, mushrooms and bleu cheese dressing).

Snack
A Quest bar.

Dinner
Quest bars.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 2;  Coffee: 24 oz.; Water: 90+ oz.; and a shot of Jameson's Select

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#1473, Wednesday, July 22: Different strokes...

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Post 1473, Day 203 of 2015
- 1,664 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

This weekend demonstrated that I can still learn things. Especially about myself and my friends. This time, a matter of style.

In a city-mouse/country-mouse situation, I found myself in the unusual position of being the country-mouse. Usually, among my friends and fellow musicians here in Central New York, I am seen as the City boy in the group, because of my New York City background.

Showing my friend around, bringing him to my different scenes, the difference in style between the two of us, brought up in the same neighborhood, although his parents had a very successful business, so he didn't have the barely-getting-by squalor of my home.

He has inherited his father's business sense, and joy of entrepreneur-ship, making me his complement - I have a pretty good grasp of finances, but business? I don't have any business sense, in fact, I don't even like to think about it, and, further, there isn't an entrepreneurial bone in my body.

On a trip to the Finger Lakes wine country, he asked about the business at every stop. To me, it seemed rude, but apparently, it doesn't ruffle the servers in the tasting rooms we visited. Not only didn't they mind, they engaged and humored him. Me? I thought he was somewhat missing the point.

But he likes to talk to people, and business is what, in general, he likes to talk about.

And he does like to talk. He is what we used to call a 'motor mouth'. Always talking. At the end of wine trail (we really just 'put a toe in' with only four stops), he was exhausted, went in for a nap. I went off to play a gig. I'd done all the driving, he'd done all the talking.

That is what exhausted him. And he slept right through my gig.

Sometimes, I got a little irritated, finding all the talking in general tiring, and the business talk, the pricing emphasis sort of... boring. But you know what? When that happens, I take a mental step back and ask myself, what is the lesson here, what can I learn, and why am I negative now?

That break in being judgmental, at looking at my internals instead of someone else's is when I learn to value it for what it is, and not make judgment on it. Initially, it is practice at patience. And tolerance for different styles of communication. And a reminder that my way isn't necessarily right, a reminder to be humble.

My friend was being genuine, having fun the way he has fun. Although it is not the way I conduct myself, he isn't bound by that. He was having a good time, and as his host, that's exactly what I wanted for him. Stylistic differences aside, we were engaged in the same thing, and both, ultimately, enjoying ourselves.

My mood changed, irritation vanished in the space of a second, as I evaluated what was happening real-time.

It was a good day, and a good visit.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   207.4 lbs

Previous Weight (7/21):           207.6 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 0.2 lbs

Diet Comment

A virtual day-over-day tie. Much better than a weight gain. That will come tomorrow, after a (relatively) high-carb dinner.

Food Log

Breakfast
Protein shake with almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, fermented coconut water, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, celery and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch
At Core:

Steak, bacon and bleu cheese salad: Chopped romaine + mesclun mix, grilled steak, bacon, cranberries, walnuts, tomatoes, gorgonzola, and bleu cheese dressing with a touch of sriracha. Not shown: Cup of beef and pork bone broth.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Dinner
At Eskapes:

Grilled burger with bacon and Jack cheese, lettuce, tomato, and chipotle mayonnaise on a garlic roll with a simple salad with crumbled blue cheese. Not shown: Thanksgiving (cream of turkey) soup appetizer and oatmeal cookie dessert. 

Snack
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 4;  Coffee: 0 oz.; Water: 90+ oz.; Shot of Jameson's

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#1472, Tuesday, July 21: Happy as proaction

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Post 1472, Day 202 of 2015
- 1,663 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

It seems to me that the simplest concept to understand in Buddhism is impermanence.

Very simple: Nothing is permanent. Everything changes.

That's all.

But understanding the meaning, and integrating it into your life? That's different.

You can have a very emotional reaction to considering that everything you feel is transitory, as is everyone you love, and everything you sense.

You have to learn to get over it, because your circumstances are always, always, always going to be different, and it happens quickly, before you realize it, and before you respond to it.

You are in a different place now than when you read that you are in a different place now.

Simply put, your emotions can't respond to change real-time - in fact, if you think about it, continuous change means that your reactions, whether they're emotional, physical, or intellectual, are responding to changes that are already past.

To process change, you have to discard all notions of permanence, and that is difficult, real-time, because even the lightning fast bio-processes involved in thinking are dealing with things that are already in the past.

The answer is to be proactive - be the change. Generate your own emotions, don't have them be reactive. Happiness is a choice. You do not have to let changing circumstances define whether or not you're happy; you don't need a reason to be happy.

Discovering that (which only happened a few years ago) changed my life.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   207.6 lbs

Previous Weight (7/20):           209.4 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                - 1.8 lbs

Diet Comment

Two pounds off for good behavior.

Food Log

Breakfast
Cheese omelet with onions, peppers and baby greens.

Lunch

Roasted turkey breast chopped salad: shaved Parmesan cheese, baby kale, baby spinach, chard, cole slaw mix and balsamic vinaigrette.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Dinner
Hamburger on Ezekiel Flax bread with guacamole and a Quest bar.

Snack
A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 4;  Coffee: 0 oz.; Water: 90+ oz.;

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#1471, Monday, July 20: 200,000 Syracusans can't be wrong

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Post 1471, Day 201 of 2015
- 1,662 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Why does Syracuse (and the surrounding area) makes a good starting place for my retirement?

Not too long ago (last Winter), I changed my retirement plans. Slightly.

I woke up one crazy-cold Syracuse morning and, without really mulling it over much, decided to delay my plans to expatriate when I retire. Not cancel, but delay - I still think expatriating is the way to go when I fully engage my "Third Age".

But retirement was near (about a year away then), and I was enjoying my life in ways that wouldn't be negatively affected by retirement. In fact, I have every expectation that retirement will enhance my current lifestyle, which is not job-based, but recreation-based.

In fact, the greater Syracuse area is, in many ways, an excellent place to retire. It has a low cost of living, plenty of culture, excellent health care availability/accessibility, and a relatively large retirement-age population. Four months out of the year it has great weather, and, although the weather is truly horrid six months a year, it has never been an inconvenience. The snowiest city in the US knows how to deal with winter weather, and I am lucky enough to have a choice whether or not to go out in the snow - if conditions aren't good (like, its still snowing), I can stay home (and this will not change after retirement).

It still doesn't check all my 'retirement' boxes: You need a car, and there are all those months of snow.

However, the lifestyle I currently enjoy trumps all other retirement considerations, thanks to providing a bit of extra cash income and a solid place in a community that accepts me pretty much as I present myself.

There's also: the no-planning, no extra effort aspect of staying in place. That is hard to quantify.

This all comes up because I had my first visitor in six years that stayed for more than a meal. This gave me the opportunity to show a somewhat unbiased (definitely not positively biased) first-time visitor the things that attract me and keep me there.

Sure, a Winter visit would have made the scenery less attractive and tourism more difficult, if not impossible. But, except for a few hours spent in Finger Lakes Wine Country (definitely a two-season option), everything we did - everything - was reflective of what I do and where I go year-round.

My friend loved it, and wants to come back and see more and do more, as well as revisit the places I took him. Confirmation, I guess - although my coming to this conclusion on my own, and developing my scene here had to have influenced him.

Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:                   209.4 lbs

Previous Weight (7/16):           208.4 lbs

Day Net Loss/Gain:                + 1.0 lbs

Diet Comment

Thanks to a long-weekend visit from a friend, I ate in restaurants for all my meals from Thursday night to Sunday afternoon. I'm pretty pleased that the result isn't a much greater weight gain. In general, restaurant eating is not healthy. That is one of the reasons I like Core (the local restaurant) so much - the delicious food there is healthy, the selection makes it virtually impossible to eat an unhealthy meal, the ingredients are (for the most part, and wherever possible) local and seasonal. I took my friend there for a meal and he absolutely loved it - almost as much as I do.

Food Log

Breakfast
Protein shake with almond-coconut milk, kefir, kale, large organic egg, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, fermented coconut water, chia gel, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, celery and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch
Roast beef and organic kimchee I bought at the Regional Farmers Market.

Dinner
Celery and home-made mayonnaise, Quest bars.

Snack
Quest bars.

Liquid Intake
   Espressos: 3;  Coffee: 24 oz.; Water: 48+ oz.;

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