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Post 1854, Day 137 of 2017
- 2,329 days since I started this blog -
- 2,329 days since I started this blog -
I got a random compliment today, one I've heard before. I don't deal well with compliments, they make me a little uncomfortable. I don't feel worthy.
Kind of like my life. I am flummoxed as to why things seem to turn out so well for me. Despite my personality flaws. Despite my laziness. Despite my sloppiness. I don't feel worthy.
I just keep showing up, and keep smiling - not difficult, because, in general, I have time on my hands, and, in general, I am happy. I try to maintain a positive, optimistic attitude.
I try to be helpful and constructive when I can be.
I like people like me. Of course, I'm just being conceited, writing that, but it's true enough.
It helps that nobody is so interested in me that my mild, affable front is challenged - nobody has a reason to go deep, find the dark that that surface conceals. I haven't always been happy. I have been unkind. I have fears. That shit exists, and, every once in a while, comes out.
That is probably my best social skill: Not allowing real intimacy, for fear of being exposed and hurt.
I'm grateful that my act is working for me.
Kind of like my life. I am flummoxed as to why things seem to turn out so well for me. Despite my personality flaws. Despite my laziness. Despite my sloppiness. I don't feel worthy.
I just keep showing up, and keep smiling - not difficult, because, in general, I have time on my hands, and, in general, I am happy. I try to maintain a positive, optimistic attitude.
I try to be helpful and constructive when I can be.
I like people like me. Of course, I'm just being conceited, writing that, but it's true enough.
It helps that nobody is so interested in me that my mild, affable front is challenged - nobody has a reason to go deep, find the dark that that surface conceals. I haven't always been happy. I have been unkind. I have fears. That shit exists, and, every once in a while, comes out.
That is probably my best social skill: Not allowing real intimacy, for fear of being exposed and hurt.
I'm grateful that my act is working for me.
Food and Diet
Today's Weight: 201.8 lbs.
Today's Weight: 201.8 lbs.
Previous Weight (5/16/17): 201.0 lbs.
Net Loss/Gain: + 0.8 lbs.
Diet Comment
I am not at all surprised by my weight gain, after yesterday's two meals out. Dining out is the one thing that nearly always works against weight control. The extra Jameson's Irish whiskey was no help, either.
Food Log
Breakfast
2:55pm: Salmon curry casserole: Salmon, dal tadka (lentil curry), cauliflower, spinach, chia seeds, hemp seeds.
Lunch
7:35pm: Pepperoni and a Quest bar.
Dinner
12:05am: Dubliner cheese and a salad (chard, kale, spinach, red cabbage, shaved parmesan, balsamic vinaigrette).
Liquid Intake
2:55pm: Salmon curry casserole: Salmon, dal tadka (lentil curry), cauliflower, spinach, chia seeds, hemp seeds.
Lunch
7:35pm: Pepperoni and a Quest bar.
Dinner
12:05am: Dubliner cheese and a salad (chard, kale, spinach, red cabbage, shaved parmesan, balsamic vinaigrette).
Liquid Intake
Espressos: 1; Coffee: 0 oz.; Tea: 0 oz.; Water: 80+ oz. and a shot of Jameson's Irish whiskey
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