#1968, Tuesday, November 14

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Post 1968, Day 318 of 2017
- 2,510 days since I started this blog -

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      203.6 lbs.

Previous Weight (11/13/17):          205.4 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                       - 1.8 lbs.

Diet Comment

That's the kind of movement I was looking for.

Food Log

Breakfast
6:15pm: Kale, spinach and salmon omelet (eggs, kale, spinach, onions, salmon, goat cheese).

Lunch
9:50pm: A Quest bar, some almonds and 2 oz. 90% dark chocolate.

Dinner
1:30am: Chopped salad (chard, kale, red cabbage, spinach, Buffalo chicken breast (cold, sliced) and walnuts, shaved parmesan cheese and balsamic vinaigrette) and a bag of pork rinds.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 0 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 64+ oz.; plus 2 shots Jameson's Irish whiskey

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#1967, Monday, November 13: Laughing at death

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Post 1967, Day 317 of 2017
- 2,509 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Despite this weekend being full of reflections on poor health and death, the weekend was a lot of fun and full of love.

I went down to New York city this weekend, primarily to visit with my friend Mark, whose father had died a few weeks ago at age ninety-two.

I had found out last week, about a week after it happened.

Due to related responsibilities, I only got to spend Saturday night on that visit. Before that, I visited with my friends Merv and Lena, and spent a nice afternoon with my brother Andy and sister-in-law Denie.

That Saturday night was poignant and hilarious. Mark's wife Ilene has MS, and was weaker and more frail-looking than the last time I saw her - but the real surprise was that Mark, too, was looking a bit frail - this hadn't been the case last time I saw him.

A nice dinner spread was laid out. I brought a bottle of Jameson's Black Barrel Irish whiskey, to toast Davie, and spill a shot for him.

Mark's father Davie was one of, if not the, coolest Dad's I ever knew. He had a very clear sense of what was right and wrong, but he could not bring himself to be punitive when Mark transgressed - which must have happened a lot, given what I knew of Mark growing up (we were acquaintances more than friends, going to different schools, until my friendship with Marco brought us together in our late teens) and after.

Also present were my friends Gary, an original neighbor from my pre-elementary-school move to Queens, one of my oldest friends, and Harold (son of the owner of the Clearview Bakery, whose father was the closest thing we had to a local celebrity growing - the Clearview Bakery was one of New York City's best, and I grew up making weekly pilgrimages there), who I started hanging out with at the same time as I did with Mark.

After the toast, we reminisced, first about Davie, then about other related things from the past. Given the subject matter and the people involved, there was a lot of laughter, and that's what I'll remember about this weekend, how old friends got together to remember the father of one of us, and the kinship we all felt, while each of us, at one point or another, was reduced to tears from laughing so hard.

With that, I am ending the Daily Commentary on this blog. In the future, when I have something to say, I'll say it under a 'Comment' header; otherwise, there will just be the Food and Diet section.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      205.4 lbs.

Previous Weight (11/9/17):           203.4 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                       + 2.0 lbs.

Diet Comment

This setback will be quickly remedied and overcome. I spent my weekend in a food debauch - now I'm back home, feeling good and satisfied and I've stocked up on good food.

Food Log

Breakfast
5:10pm: Green-purple protein smoothie with coconut-almond milk, kefir, large organic egg, chia gel, kale, spinach, blueberries, cherries, strawberries, whey powder (24g protein), coconut oil, hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, moringa leaf powder, celery, cinnamon, turmeric, vanilla extract, Dr. Gundry's Vital Reds and PrebioticThrive and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch
9:00pm: A Quest bar, some almonds and one square (1 oz.) sugar-free dark chocolate.

Dinner
12:30am: Buffalo chicken breast (cold, sliced) and walnuts with Dubliner cheese, and one square (1 oz.) sugar-free dark chocolate.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 22 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 48+ oz.;

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#1966, Thursday, November 9: My music mentoring

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Post 1966, Day 313 of 2017
- 2,505 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

After a rather downbeat rehearsal with Modern Mudd, caused by a lack of enthusiasm for the new material (Christmas songs for the one show we have in December) on my part, as well as other band members'.

I went from there to the open mic at the InsideOut Tavern - this is rapidly becoming my favorite open mic. I got to play a set with old friends, and it was very well received. I always see friends and the vibe of the place is homey and fun.

I then left to see a band I had helped start debut at the Dinosaur BBQ.

The band was built around a gorgeous young woman, Em, who, beginning a few years ago, was a protege of mine.

In her very early twenties when we met, Em had a big, dramatic voice. She was, however, very undisciplined, and sometimes when she sang, she shrieked. The very first time I heard her sing was at Shifty's open mic (on a dare, very drunk). She was horrible - really: She cleared the room!

But I heard some potential, and when it was over, I introduced myself (she told me she liked the sets I played on before her). I offered up some advice, including making sure she chooses musicians who know the songs she wants to sing, and also to figure out what she'll sing before she gets onstage.

The next time I saw her, I offered to help back her up, figure out the songs and the keys she sang them in, after reassuring the host that it would be better than the last time. Which I only thought it would be. But it was - much better. People didn't leave, they applauded.

Over the next year or so, I guided her to different open mics, gave performance tips, and helped her get more comfortable on stage. I even (finally) convinced her to stand when she sang, and that made a huge difference.

With many of her friends urging her on, she decided to form a band this past Summer. They got a 'gig' (no money, at a soft opening for the bar). She asked me to sub for the bass player, and I met some young musicians I didn't know (not surprising, I was more than forty years older than the next oldest guy in the band). We had one rehearsal and then did the gig, which was a big success, despite really crappy sound.

Tonight, she was great, looked totally comfortable on stage. The band (with mostly different personnel than when I played with them - and more of them, too - sounded good.

I was very proud at having made a contribution to her and the band's success.

I try to give back to the local community when I can, and that includes encouraging new members. It's all part of being grateful for what I have here, and wanting to maintain the original feeling I had about the musicians in the scene here: Welcoming and generous. That's the ticket!

Note: I am traveling to NYC tomorrow, next post will be for Monday, November 13.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      203.4 lbs.

Previous Weight (11/8/17):           204.1 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                       - 0.7 lbs.

Diet Comment

A step in the right direction. A few more of these, and my goal is reached. Even if I step back a few times, and I know that will happen, if I just take two steps forward for every step back I'll reach my month end goal (two hundred pounds or less) easily. 

Food Log

Breakfast
4:10pm: Two organic turkey burgers and salad (chard, kale, red cabbage, walnuts, shaved parmesan cheese and balsamic vinaigrette).

Lunch
9:00pm: A Quest bar.

Dinner
12:30am: A Quest bar and one square (1 oz.) sugar-free dark chocolate.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 0 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 54+ oz.; and two big(!) shots of Jameson's Irish whiskey

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#1965, Wednesday, November 8: No comment

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Post 1965, Day 312 of 2017
- 2,504 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Nothing today.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      204.1 lbs.

Previous Weight (11/7/17):           202.6 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                       + 1.5 lbs.

Diet Comment

Oh - one bad night!

Food Log

Breakfast
6:10pm: Two organic turkey burgers and salad (chard, kale, red cabbage, walnuts, shaved parmesan cheese and balsamic vinaigrette).

Lunch
9:00pm: A Quest bar and f4 oz. of Lindt 90% Dark chocolate.

Dinner
12:10am: Walnuts, chicken breast, one square (1 oz.) sugar-free dark chocolate.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 0 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 56+ oz.; 

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#1964, Tuesday, November 7: Chance enoounters

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Post 1964, Day 311 of 2017
- 2,503 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I ended up this evening at an open mic, the second of two I had planned - but, with no explanation, the first open mic... Wasn't. No host band, no musicians in the place. Nobody could tell me why, just that it wasn't happening. Next week? I don't know.

The second one was an off-night, too - only the guitarist of the regular house band was there. But there was a sub keyboard player. I was immediately asked if I had an amp and could supply bass. Oh, yes! After the opening set, in which I got to play songs I had never played before (except one Dead tune which, curiously enough, I played for the first time last Sunday), I did a well-received solo guitar-vocal set.

There were two things that made the night stand out for me. Both involved women I met.

This open mic has weekly themes. This week's theme was Empowering Women (it is election day - I voted - and the 100th anniversary of women's first vote in NY). But the only woman customer in the bar (most of the night), and the only woman to sign up to perform, was a singer-songwriter named Jenn. She was talking with some of the regulars, and I was introduced. She was very encouraging during my set, and her set was excellent.

It turns out her story includes a car crash that left her brain-damaged. Not stupid-crazy brain damaged, just cognitive blinks where she might misunderstand something she hears or sees. She also has memory problems (this is very common, and all the people I've met with brain damage have it to some degree). To say she is highly functional is an understatement. 

And her songs and performance were very good (on first listening).

When I went to pay my tab at the end of the night, the (female) bar tender was rubbing the neck of one of the (male) customers. She told me to rub it while she took care of getting my bill together. I told her, as diplomatically as I could, that the customer might not find that nearly as satisfactory, and might object.She insisted, and I gave a few perfunctory over-the-jacket rubs.

She instantly became my friend. She rubbed my neck, told me I was too tense. I told her I was too old. She told me I couldn't use that as an excuse. I asked her name, and she told me it was Linda. I said that was an appropriately beautiful name. She smiled and hugged me, saying people always asked if that was her real name. I told her it had never occurred to me that she was not giving me her real name, and Linda means beautiful in Spanish and she certainly was that.

I think the reason other people had questioned her name was that she is Asian. People can be stupid, and many are prejudiced and bigoted. Linda is not a typical Asian name, I guess, but this is 2017 and there are Asians who have been Americans for many generations.Linda is one of the prettiest women I have ever seen, and with her warm and friendly personality (really the first thing I noticed about her), I was attracted to her. Were there not a forty-five year age difference, I would pursue her (she's far out of my league, at any age, though).

After I paid my tab, I got hugs from Jenn and Linda, and left Maxwell's happy and full of gratitude for my life.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      202.6 lbs.

Previous Weight (11/6/17):           203.7 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                       - 1.1 lbs.

Diet Comment

Back on the trend line! That's good news. The bad news: I got hungry hanging at an open mic.

Food Log

Breakfast
3:30pm: Green-purple protein smoothie with coconut-almond milk, kefir, large organic egg, chia gel, kale, spinach, blueberries, cherries, strawberries, whey powder (24g protein), coconut oil, hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, moringa leaf powder, celery, cinnamon, turmeric, vanilla extract, Dr. Gundry's Vital Reds and PrebioticThrive and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch
11:00pm, at Maxwell's: A Breakfast Burger: 1/2-pound ground beef on a bun topped with bacon, a fried egg, hash browns, lettuce and tomato slice, with a side of fresh-made hand-cut potato chips.

Dinner
12:50am: Four squares (4 oz.) Lindt 90% Dark chocolate.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 0;   Coffee: 22 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 54+ oz.; 

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#1963, Monday, November 6: Neither a critic nor a critiqued be

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Post 1963, Day 310 of 2017
- 2,502 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Included in my desire not to be judgmental is my relationship to criticism.

I enjoy it. I like being analytical - it's fun. I try to do it in terms of constructive thinking about what I do and don't like about a thing, and how I would maximize the things I like and minimize the things I don't.

But it requires making judgments, and I don't kid myself that it is useful to the person or thing being critiqued. It is all about me and my thoughts, and the conscious and subconscious things that go into my personal narrative. No person, place or thing exists whose purpose is to please me, except what I create - or buy.

But what I buy wasn't created with me in mind, but rather in the hope that I will judge it desirable to own. is an extension of what I create - and exists to be judged - and is marketed to positively influence that judgment by manipulating my thoughts and emotions.

So I will think about a thing - goodness knows, my thoughts come from nowhere sometimes, but they're also generated at the sight of shiny objects, anything that attracts my attention - but I know I am mostly categorizing my responses, my thoughts influencing only how I regard what I see, not changing the object at all.

So I am uncomfortable in my role as critic. Criticism is an attempt to alter something or someone else's perception of that thing. It is different from marketing by including the former, marketing is only about the latter.

And I accept, but don't court, criticism. I'm passive in the face of criticism - accepting, but not reacting. If I am making something - music, for instance - I think about who is my customer. To me, my customer is almost never the audience. It is my fellow musicians. When they have a suggestion or criticism about something I'm doing musically, I weigh their perception against my own, and if I can imagine their idea, I'm always willing to give it a try. What I don't do is tell myself a story about it - try to make it canon, flesh it out with motive or anything more than that they're telling me something about themselves: Their perception of what I'm playing and what they're playing, and how they go together.

Beyond my fellow musicians is the audience, which doesn't understand what I'm doing. They don't need to. I enjoy getting praise from the audience, I enjoy getting energy back when playing out - I'm not past that, it feels good. But I don't give it much weight. Nor do I seek it or need it to validate what I do.

I enjoy playing, I get in a 'head-space' when I'm playing that is very much in the moment. In the moment, there isn't any criticism, judgment, praise, thought. The moment just is. As soon as you think about it, it is past.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      203.7 lbs.

Previous Weight (11/3/17):           202.1 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                       + 1.6 lbs.

Diet Comment

The good news: I didn't gain back all the weight I lost this past week, which, considering what I ate over the weekend I regard as a major accomplishment. That news wasn't enough for me not to do an eighteen-hour fast today.

Food Log

Breakfast
Skipped.

Lunch
Skipped.

Dinner
10:00pm: A LEO (lox, eggs and onions) with a  chopped salad (chard, kale, spinach, walnuts, shaved parmesan cheese and balsamic vinaigrette), two squares (ounces) of sugar-free dark chocolate and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 0 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 56+ oz.; 

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#1962, Friday, November 3: Don't judge me

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Post 1962, Day 307 of 2017
- 2,499 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I try, sometimes successfully, to not be judgmental.

Although there are philosophical reasons for that, the main one is an admission that my judgments, any of them, have no weight, no real meaning.

Things I like, approve of, find worth and value in aren't affected in any way by my appreciation. Only I am affected by passing judgment. Similarly, I have found some things I like are disliked by other people. Are they wrong? (Spoiler: No).

The thing is, all judgments are so subjective, and I know only the conscious, aware part of how that judgment is formed - it's just a story I tell myself about whatever is being judged, and it glosses over, by necessity, all the things that go into that judgment that I am not aware of, all the unconscious, forgotten, or tangential things that sneak into making that judgment undetected - and then play a major role in its formation.

I believe that any judgment, any criticism, a person makes says more about the person than the subject being judged. I think it says almost nothing at all about the subject.

And the things I like and enjoy? In the end, I rationalize all my choices. I can list everything I value about them, and still not definitively state, at the root, why I really like it - it's all ad hoc rationale. I can even change my mind about some thing that hasn't itself changed.

We invented time so we could narrate our lives. We constantly tell ourselves the story of what is happening - this is as real as the past or future gets: A story we tell ourselves, full of objective errors based on our limited and selective point-of-view.

And so, as best I can, I choose to not judge anything, beyond how it is included in the way I feel at the and in the present.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      202.1 lbs.

Previous Weight (11/2/17):           203.1 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                       - 1.0 lbs.

Diet Comment

Look at that - I've officially lost all the weight I gained on my LA visit! And, I'm below the trend line. Firing on all cylinders.

Food Log

Breakfast
6:50pm: Green scramble: Kale, spinach, onions, peppers, chia seeds, hemp seeds, two large eggs, and Dubliner cheese.

Lunch
Skipped.

Dinner
12:15am: Walnuts and Dubliner cheese, two squares (ounces) of sugar-free dark chocolate and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 0 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 64+ oz.; 

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#1961, Thursday, November 2: Busy day

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Post 1961, Day 306 of 2017
- 2,498 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Good jam last night at the InsideOut. I got to play with a couple of excellent drummers, and a long-time jam partner.

Before getting to that fun, I managed to see my eye doctor (for a regular annual check up I've been scheduling since my diabetes diagnosis) (all good, no changes, thanks for asking), do a full multi-stop grocery run, have a long FaceTime conversation with a friend, and get in a practice session with Modern Mudd.

For me, that's a busy day, although I look at it written down and think, how lucky am I that that is what I see as busy.

I feel like I'm living a life of ease, albeit without the servants that I always thought accompanied that Town and Country lifestyle, as I envisioned it. The difference? My life is a lot sloppier than people who purchase an easy life normally allow, or even find acceptable.

At the moment, that's a more than acceptable trade-off.

The disorder I create in my apartment - something that seems the inevitable result of me living alone, when viewed historically - is the cost of my amazing (to me, at least) life. It is where the "I don't have to do what I don't want to do" rubber hits the road. It is the dry rot in the foundation.

I know that the time will come when I will spend quite a lot of time cleaning my apartment. It is a gargantuan task, because it isn't just that there's clutter, or even just dirt. Cleaning the apartment means getting rid of a lot of stuff, and that looks not only like something I don't want to do, but an undertaking fraught with emotional pain, and in terms of labor, something physically difficult. Something I'm avoiding, which, in and of itself, probably makes it an undertaking worth doing.

In the here-and-now, I just go along doing the minimum, making frequent unsuccessful attempts to not increase the mess. It works for me, even with the knowledge that every day I come closer to feeling like I have to do that work, that I will have to do something I don't, right now, want to do. Maybe, when I feel I have no choice, I'll find a way to want to do it when the day comes.

Meanwhile, my wonderful life rolls on, with one good time after another. My feeling of gratitude is hard to quantify.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      203.1 lbs.

Previous Weight (11/1/17):           204.0 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                       - 0.9 lbs.

Diet Comment

That's more like it - a real advance towards my current weight loss goal (under 200 lbs. at the end of the month).

Food Log

Breakfast
5:55pm: Dubliner cheese omelet with buttered Ezekiel 4:9 Flax sprouted grain toast.

Lunch
Skipped.

Dinner
12:45am: Walnuts and Dubliner cheese with prosciutto; two squares (ounces) of sugar-free dark chocolate and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;   Coffee: 0 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 60+ oz.; 

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#1960, Wednesday, November 1: No comment

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Post 1960, Day 305 of 2017
- 2,497 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Nothing today.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      204.0 lbs.

Previous Weight (10/31/17):          204.0 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                       - 0.0 lbs.

Diet Comment

Hmm... No loss. Grateful not to have gained. My net weight change for October was plus two pounds. It'll be difficult, given Thanksgiving, but I'll try to end November four pounds lighter - which is actually where I want to end the year (or better!).

Food Log

Breakfast
4:55pm: Green-purple protein smoothie with coconut-almond milk, kefir, large organic egg, chia gel, kale, spinach, blueberries, cherries, strawberries, whey powder (24g protein), coconut oil, hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, moringa leaf powder, celery, cinnamon, turmeric, vanilla extract, Dr. Gundry's Vital Reds and PrebioticThrive and stevia-inulin blend. And an ounce of sugar-free dark chocolate.

Lunch
Skipped.

Dinner
11:45pm: Two squares (ounces) of sugar-free dark chocolate and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 0;   Coffee: 22 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 32+ oz.; 

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