#1713, Thursday, August 18: Why the Universe doesn't work... or does it?

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Post 1713, Day 231 of 2016
- 2,057 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Humans have always projected (in the psychological sense) their personalities onto the Universe, I guess. Trying to scale our humanity up to the great vastness.

I'm no different. I have my ideas about the way things work, based on my perspective here on Earth.

And, I'm just as wrong as everybody else. The Universe, seen as a separate thing from myself, is apathetic as regards me. My thinking it is safe, or someone else thinking it isn't, has nothing to do with the Universe and everything to do with my own set of beliefs and thoughts, too much of which have their origin in sensory experiences.

I am "a fluke of the Universe" with no right to existence - the Universe is indifferent to my existence, and, if I may anthropomorphize one step further, unaware of and uncaring of my little speck of fleshy ego here on Earth.

Any action I attribute to the Universe is on me. My thinking, my beliefs, my interpretation of Natural phenomena.

Of course, on some deep level (one that is perfectly still, not rocked by thought), duality is neither an issue nor a reality.

Meanwhile, my perception of a safe Universe is just that: A perception. I can argue for it logically, but it is just my perception.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      200.6 lbs.

Previous Weight (8/17):              199.8 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     +   0.8 lbs.

Diet Comment

Continuing my weight recovery. If I had my way, this is where it would stop.

Food Log 

Breakfast

1:45pm:  Green protein shake with almond-coconut milk, kefir, extra-large organic egg, chia gel, kale, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, celery, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch

7:40pm, at Dinosaur BBQ: 

Carolina platter: Pulled pork with barbecue sauce and cole slaw on a bun with pickles, chili (beef and bean) and a salad with Dino house bbq dressing.

Dinner
12:45am:  Pepperoni with celery and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 0;  Coffee:  28 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 102+ oz.

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#1712, Wednesday, August 17: Why struggle?

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Post 1712, Day 230 of 2016
- 2,056 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I no longer believe that nothing good comes without a struggle. I'm not sure that struggling is a good thing. It seems tied to ambition, and that ambition seems tied to a false promise.

I don't think I'm naive - I'm not saying there aren't times to work hard, to struggle for something - that everybody can just relax, and go with the flow.

But the need - I'm not sure the "Protestant work ethic" (I just realized how "White privelege" that phrase is) is a legitimate thing. I don't know if I accept that you have to work hard or struggle to accomplish things, or that things that aren't 'won' through struggling have no value.

To be honest, and not to get all 'class warfare' about it, that sounds like something generals tell soldiers, masters tell slaves, management tells workers.

Because now that we aren't hunter-gatherers any more, where our struggles either do or don't fill our family's bellies, the link has been severed, or, maybe just redefined. Now our struggle is worth 'x' amount of money, and its value is set by the people who pay.

And the people who pay don't seem to be struggling.

Nothing of lasting value has ever come to me through struggle, as far as I can recall.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      199.8 lbs.

Previous Weight (8/16):              199.2 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     +   0.6 lbs.

Diet Comment

Reverting to the mean, as I expected (and mentioned yesterday). Actually, very close to the mean today.

Food Log 

Breakfast

11:45pm, at CoreLife:

Chicken Cobb salad (shredded kale and spinach, grilled chicken, avocado, bacon, hard-cooked egg and blue cheese dressing with a little sriracha). Not shown: A protein bar (given to me).

Lunch

6:30pm:  Salmon and cauliflower with Dal Tadka, chia seeds and hemp seeds.

Dinner
12:40am:  Cottage cheese and shaved parmesan cheese.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;  Coffee:  0 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 60+ oz.

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#1711, Tuesday, August 16: No short cuts to 'Now'

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Post 1711, Day 229 of 2016
- 2,055 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I live, and have lived, in wonderful times.

I've done things people can't do any more, having been replaced by newer, different things. I've been part of legendary scenes that no longer exist because the people and places are gone. i've met people who became famous and notorious and died.

I've written myself into a dead-end now.

I'm grateful for my memories. I don't care how accurate or inaccurate they are. I don't have to trust them to love them. When they are useful, when they come to me in the present, no matter what present thing stimulates their recollection, it is as an annotation, an enrichment.

I'm grateful to have lived a life that created so many wonderful memories. My present job is two-fold: To make new memories, and to not let old memories obscure my perceptions. To not use them as short cuts.

There aren't any short cuts to getting to Now.

PS: Don't eat that fortune cookie. It's stale.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      199.2 lbs.

Previous Weight (8/15):              197.4 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     +   1.8 lbs.

Diet Comment

Now that I've rehydrated and ate a more typical amount of food, my weight is reverting to the mean, as I expected.

Food Log 

Breakfast

3:35pm:  Broccoli casserole (broccoli, roast beef, Dal Tadka (lentil curry), chia seeds and hemp seeds.

Lunch

6:45pm:  A Quest bar.

Dinner
10:30pm:  Buttered Ezekiel Flax sprouted grain toast and a salad with roasted turkey breast, spinach, chard, kale, shaved parmesan cheese, cabbage and creamy balsamic dressing.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;  Coffee:  28 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 112+ oz.

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#1710, Monday, August 15: Emptying creativity into a screen

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Post 1710, Day 228 of 2016
- 2,054 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Having a sore tail-bone (specifically, a bruised coccyx I got from sitting down hard on Mac's men's room's floor last Thursday), I decided to stay home, resting, this past weekend. It hurts pretty much all the time, but it's worse when I sit and slightly less worse when I lie in my bed on my back.

I canceled my trip to Brattleboro, Vermont. I couldn't imagine two four-hour-plus drives within forty-eight hours.

I watched movies (To Catch a Thief, Inside Llewyn Davis, Runner, Runner, binge-watched Daredevil (both seasons) and the first season of Jessica Jones. I enjoyed it all. In between that screen-work, I played a lot of Sudoku and read emails.

So, a screen-dominated weekend.

I didn''t have much of an appetite, nor much of a thirst, and not even a desire to play (I declined available playing options).

I'm happy to report that every morning the ache has been a little less.

Today, I did some grocery shopping and cashed my jury duty check.

But the weekend has left me empty, with nothing really to talk about.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      197.4 lbs.

Previous Weight (8/12):              201.6 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     -   4.2 lbs.

Diet Comment

I've been eating - and drinking - very lightly since Thursday. It's due to low appetite during my convalescence from the pain in my ass. I find my weight on a radical, and therefore, presumably brief, down-trend. I suspect my next posting will include a gain.

Food Log 

Breakfast

3:35pm:  Broccoli casserole (broccoli, roast beef, Dal Tadka (lentil curry), chia seeds, hemp seeds.

Lunch

7:30pm:  A Quest bar.

Dinner

11:00pm:  Pepperoni and a Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;  Coffee:  0 oz.;  Tea: 16 oz.;  Water: 96+ oz.

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#1709, Friday, August 12: Incident at Mac's

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Post 1709, Day 225 of 2016
- 2,051 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

Last night, at my favorite open mic, about an hour-and-a-half after my usual Irish (neat) at the bar and maybe 20 minutes after a smoke out back, I began to feel light-headed.

I was slightly buzzed from the alcohol, baked from the smoke, and the light-headedness was accompanied by a little dizziness, and an intense desire to pee. I suspected I was having a blood sugar crash.

Wanting to leave required me to do two things: Get my bass from stage-left, and go to the bathroom. I had to pee, but I was also feeling a little dry. I got up from the bar and started to walk to the men's room, but didn't get too far when I had to sit down. There was a convenient sofa.

A moment's rest, and I felt good enough to walk around the bar to the men's room, got to the urinal, did my business leaning against the wall for stability.

I felt more light-headed, then dizzy. Next thing I remember was looking up from a sitting position on the bathroom floor. I was sitting, but didn't remember sitting down, didn't remember hitting the floor.

I tried to get up. Next thing I remember, there are people, friendly faces, helping me to my feet, walking me out of the bathroom. I remember saying I was all right, then (at least this time, outside the bathroom), I fainted again.

I think it was only for a second. Then I had a crowd around me, and people helped me up to the bar, where Cheryl the bar manager had some kind of thick, sweet fruit juice waiting. After a few sips, I was recovering - no more light-headedness, no more dizziness. I had been sweating, but I was cooling down quickly.

In another moment or so, I felt all right. After a few more moments, spent reassuring people that it was just a momentary blood sugar problem, finishing the juice and drinking a little water, I said to one of my friends I thought I would like to get my bass and leave. He said he would get it for me, but I said it would be a good test for me to walk to the other end of the bar and back.

I accomplished this task easily, only to have Pat (the owner and "Mac" of Mac's Bad Art Bar) waiting for me to say he was worried and had called the paramedics, there was an ambulance outside, and I should get checked out before I left. Which I did.

At this point, I was feeling normal. As far as I was concerned, except for the embarrassment at having freaked people out, the incident was over.

My blood sugar was taken: Perfectly normal. Pulse-ox, respiration and blood pressure were (in the words of the paramedic who took them) "better than mine, and I'm 30 years younger." They offered to take me to the hospital, which I declined.

The boss of the paramedic team, who was a friend of Pat's, drove me home, and Pat followed in my car. I thanked the paramedic at the wheel, thanked Pat ("Don't ever scare me like that again!"), walked up to my apartment, watched a DVR'ed episode of Sex, Drugs, and Rock'n'Roll, drank some water, went to bed.

This is the first time, since undergoing my hep-C treatment, that anything like this has happened. I think the problem was that my big meal of the day was more than six hours past, and my Quest bar is designed not to raise my blood sugar.

I think the hunger plus the alcohol, plus the forty minutes under hot lights, plus the high-quality smoke crashed my blood sugar, then my blood pressure, and accounted for the blackout.

I did not realize I'd landed hard enough on my butt in the bathroom to bruise my tailbone until I got up from watching TV, about an hour after. That's going to be an unpleasant reminder of this incident.

It is not something I am worried about, but I may be a little more cautious with my eating-drinking-smoking when I'm out in the future.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      201.6 lbs.

Previous Weight (8/11):              201.8 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     -   0.2 lbs.

Diet Comment

I ate very lightly yesterday, with nothing but a whiskey after lunch. I had my little 'event' (see above). Today I find my weight still trending down (as I suspected with my less-than-normal calorie intake, although the crazy-sweet fruit juice that got my blood sugar back up counts for something).

Food Log 

Breakfast

3:35pm:  A chopped salad with Roast beef, shaved parmesan, spinach, kale, chard, cabbage, chia seeds, hemp seeds and balsamic vinaigrette.

Lunch

7:30pm:  A Quest bar.

Dinner

11:45pm:  Pepperoni and Dubliner cheese and cole slaw.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 0;  Coffee:  0 oz.;  Tea: 18 oz.;  Water: 80+ oz.

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#1708, Thursday, August 11: No comment

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Post 1708, Day 224 of 2016
- 2,050 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

No comment today.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      201.8 lbs.

Previous Weight (8/10):              202.8 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     -   1.0 lbs.

Diet Comment

Well, it's WTF time. I can't remember a time when I've gotten away with eating lots of off-plan food (in this case, pizza on Tuesday and a quart of gelato yesterday) and lost weight. Yet, here we are. WTF?

Food Log 

Breakfast

3:45pm:  An omelet made with three organic extra-large eggs, grass-fed ground beef, shaved parmesan cheese, peppers, onions, spinach, kale and chard.

Lunch

7:30pm:  A Quest bar.

Dinner

12:45am, at Mac's Bad Art Bar: A glass of sickly-sweet fruit juice (no idea what kind, all I could taste was the sugar)..

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;  Coffee:  0 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 102+ oz. and a shot of Jameson's Irish whiskey.

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#1707, Wednesday, August 10: Don't follow the money

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Post 1707, Day 223 of 2016
- 2,049 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I cannot say that I've never been motivated by money, but I can say that when I was, it has never turned out well for me.

When I look back at the times when I pursued something, be it a job or investments working in a band, and the primary motive was financial gain, the job, investment plan, or band has ended in failure.

Two things stand out as I look back, kind of corollaries to that statement: .

The first is that, they often haven't failed because they weren't financially rewarding. In fact, that has happened only once (an investment scheme), which I got into because I was in financial distress and where I lost 90% of my stake, The motivation and failure were both due to the financial motivator.

The second thing, and it is kind of the other side of the first, is that even though financial gain was the driver, the failures were due to something other than the money aspect. Which is to say that money turned out not to be motivation enough.

At this point, it has been years (more than five) since I let money influence my direction. While, in that time, lack of money has prevented my acquiring certain material things I wanted, it has never been a big enough influence to cause me to pursue or reject any course of action I've taken.

I have enough money to not do anything I don't want to do. In that sense, I've felt financially independent for that entire time, which extends to the present.

In fact, that feeling is my greatest financial accomplishment.

And, possibly, my only one.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      202.8 lbs.

Previous Weight (8/9):               203.4 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     -   0.6 lbs.

Diet Comment

I didn't expect weight loss today, after pizza last night. Amazing.

Food Log 

Breakfast

11:45pm, at CoreLife:

Chicken Cobb salad (shredded kale and spinach, grilled chicken, avocado, bacon, hard-cooked egg and blue cheese dressing with a little sriracha). Not shown: Some off-plan food samples at BJ's Warehouse after lunch.

Lunch

4:00pm:  A quart of coconut gelato. Fail. (But delicious).

Dinner

Skipped.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 0;  Coffee:  0 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 72+ oz.

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#1706, Tuesday, August 9: The beauty of an open mind

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Post 1706, Day 222 of 2016
- 2,048 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

I find changes of heart one of the most endearing things a person can do. Of course, when one changes one's heart, what one is really doing is changing their mind.

It means someone has been open-minded. Someone has examined a held belief and found it untrue.

It is rare and difficult. Humans develop a pretty hard-held set of beliefs, and confirmation bias - seeing what you expect to see based on your beliers, and not seeing what is inconsistent with them - ensures that we think we're right, that our thoughts reflect truths.

Don't believe what you think.

When you process information that changes your mind, it's a beautiful thing.

It isn't easy to do, and it doesn't happen often.

Mind-changing things come along often, but people changing their minds happens a lot less than it potentially could.

Or should.

Because changing one's mind is as wonderful as having an open mind is.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      203.4 lbs.

Previous Weight (8/8):               204.4 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     -   1.0 lbs.

Diet Comment

Bringing it down, bringing it in.

Food Log 

Breakfast

5:30pm:  Green protein shake with almond-coconut milk, kefir, extra-large organic egg, chia gel, kale, whey powder (36g protein), hemp seeds, hemp protein (7g protein), raw organic cacao powder, celery, moringa leaf powder, cinnamon, and stevia-inulin blend.

Lunch

10:10pm:  Major pizza fail (due to being very hungry when one of the jammers brought in 6 pizzas from the pizzeria next door). I'll pay for this tomorrow.

Dinner

11:45pm:  A Quest bar.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 0;  Coffee:  0 oz.;  Tea: 12 oz.;  Water: 78+ oz.

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#1705, Monday, August 8: Why I'm a gentle man

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Post 1705, Day 221 of 2016
- 2,047 days since I started this blog -

Daily Comment

It's pretty simple: I mean nobody harm, I have no axe to grind, I'm here for a good time.

That usually means I come to play, and I prefer ensemble-playing to solo playing.

I value cooperation over competition - and that's one of the things that lets me enjoy playing more.

Not that I lack competitive ideas - I feel them, I just try and repress them. I don't feel like I have to compete, and competition, which seeks to determine the 'best' at a thing, just leaves me cold to the point where I'm not that interested in even being an observer. No interest in sports these days.

It also means I have to be modest about my bass playing. I deflect praise. A few people have told me I'm "the best bass player" they know, to which I always respond, "I hope that isn't true."

But like I say, I have competitive thoughts. I listen to other bass players, and compare what they play to what I play, and pass comparative judgment. I learn that way. But I don't act on it, and prefer to give praise or say nothing.

That's about the extent of my musical competitive side, these days.

I have to admit, people who are competitive make me uncomfortable. Especially people who feel it's always a competition, everything's a competition, and success is winning. These are people who feel life is a battle.

I don't feel that way. I live in a safe Universe, not one that is constantly challenging me to prove I'm worthy.

It's a gentle way to live.

Food and Diet

Today's Weight:                      204.4 lbs.

Previous Weight (8/5):               201.6 lbs.

Net Loss/Gain:                     +   2.8 lbs.

Diet Comment

It's a good thing I didn't have any (positive) expectations about my weigh-in today. I ate badly beginning Friday, all the way through Sunday afternoon, and this is the result. We'll fix this this week, and next weekend shouldn't be too bad, either.

Food Log 

Breakfast

4:40pm:  Hamburgers with fresh salsa and a salad (kale, spinach, chard, shaved parmesan, chia seeds, hemp seeds and balsamic vinaigrette.

Lunch

8:00pm:  A Quest bar.

Dinner

1:00am:  Pepperoni and cole slaw.

Liquid Intake

   Espressos: 1;  Coffee:  0 oz.;  Tea: 0 oz.;  Water: 80+ oz.

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