Post 2637
- 11 years and 90 days since I started this blog -
Daily Comment
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| From March, 2018 |
I have been sleeping alone for a long time.
We're talking nearly fourteen years (I had to do the think hard to remember how long it has been). Yes, that's a long time, but it's been neither accidental or unintentional.
After the breakup of my second marriage, I was, for the first time since pre-adolescence, not motivated to find a new romantic partner, or even just hook up.
The relationship part was initially just a complication I didn't need as I put my life together post-marital split. I was a financial and emotional wreck, and not good physically - weight up, energy down, no libido.
And... I wasn't looking to change my unattached situation. I felt like I didn't want to have to take anybody else in consideration in my plans, and, not to put too fine a point on it, I felt more than a little that my changing sexuality - medical problems and aging had zeroed out my confidence - reduced my desirability as a sex partner.
And when I figured out to be happy, when I became happy almost twelve years ago, it had nothing to do with any relationships. Then, I became leary of rocking that particular boat.
We're talking nearly fourteen years (I had to do the think hard to remember how long it has been). Yes, that's a long time, but it's been neither accidental or unintentional.
After the breakup of my second marriage, I was, for the first time since pre-adolescence, not motivated to find a new romantic partner, or even just hook up.
The relationship part was initially just a complication I didn't need as I put my life together post-marital split. I was a financial and emotional wreck, and not good physically - weight up, energy down, no libido.
And... I wasn't looking to change my unattached situation. I felt like I didn't want to have to take anybody else in consideration in my plans, and, not to put too fine a point on it, I felt more than a little that my changing sexuality - medical problems and aging had zeroed out my confidence - reduced my desirability as a sex partner.
And when I figured out to be happy, when I became happy almost twelve years ago, it had nothing to do with any relationships. Then, I became leary of rocking that particular boat.
Over time, my libido returned, but I found it simpler, easier, and far less frightening to take care of my needs myself, especially considering I had to figure out how, because it wasn't the same as before I had chemo and prostate cancer.
I did, though, because i'm still a human and still have those urges, albeit less often, and with different emotions, moves and results.
Why am I mentioning this now? Because it's about to change. I am about to spend some time, including overnight, with the virtual friend I've been talking with since October, when she leveraged our Facebook friendship into a text conversation.
That, right there, made a difference. Because a woman would have to be assertive to meet me, and she was. We began talking when she was in New Mexico planning on coming to NY to be near her kids.
We 'talk' pretty much every day, and, now that we're both vaccinated, we've decided to meet. At first, I was going to just come to Buffalo to see her very cool living situation (an arts collective in a repurposed church), but she thought we should meet without the distraction of a bunch of people around, and when she was closer, visiting her son, forty-five minutes away (as opposed to two-and-a-half hours in Buffalo).
That quickly evolved into a plan to meet for dinner, and get a room, so we could drink freely, and also not be distracted by my meeting a lot of other people around her scene.
So, we'll be meeting up in a week. Exciting, and a little scary. Thinking about it now, I haven't ever had such a long period of singleness in my life!
Whether I have a second date after next week or not, I'm grateful for still finding challenges and excitement.
Previous Weight (3/30/21): 199.5 lbs.
Net Loss/Gain: - 0.0 lbs.
Diet Comment
Food Log
Breakfast
12:45pm: Ultimate overnight oatmeal, with blackberries, blueberries, raspberries, walnuts, hemp and chia seeds, Greek yogurt, whey protein, and kefir.
Lunch
5:05pm: Celery and peanut butter, and a Quest bar.
Dinner
7:45pm: Brocolli, lentils and black soy spaghetti in curry sauce. An ounce of Peruvian 68% chocolate.
Snack
11:50pm: Guacamole with shaved parmesan cheese.
Liquid Intake
12:45pm: Ultimate overnight oatmeal, with blackberries, blueberries, raspberries, walnuts, hemp and chia seeds, Greek yogurt, whey protein, and kefir.
Lunch
5:05pm: Celery and peanut butter, and a Quest bar.
Dinner
7:45pm: Brocolli, lentils and black soy spaghetti in curry sauce. An ounce of Peruvian 68% chocolate.
Snack
11:50pm: Guacamole with shaved parmesan cheese.
Liquid Intake
Espressos: 2; Coffee: 0 oz.; Water: 96+ oz.;
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